health

Symptomatic

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 13:59 - Germany

Today, I discovered that a high enough stress level can cause the same symptoms as the flu. So whenever things are quite awful at work, I get the added bonus of feeling like I’m coming down with something really nasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 101

Quack detector

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 09:59 - Malta - Nadur

Today, I went to see a "Weight loss Manager." When I told her that I have a slow thyroid at the of age 29, she excitedly explained that it's all in my head, and that I gain weight because of the food I eat. I'm a healthcare professional and I think I went to see a quack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 214

Consideration

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 02:00

Today, my ex referred to missing my last two weekends with my daughter as an example of my typical unreliable parenting. I was in hospital after a drug addict stabbed me in the intestines with a broken glass bong, used to smoke god only knows what, but sure, it’s typical me behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 182

Sounds like the start of movie…

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I live in a college residence with 30 other girls in Ireland. One of them just got COVID, and we can't ask the landlord for much help because he just got Malaria. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 90

Brand recognition

By Okay doctor - 26/02/2022 10:00

Today, after a 20-minute conversation, I'm still unable to convince my grandmother that Tylenol and Acetaminophen are the same thing. I just graduated med school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 87

Which is worse?

By Anonymous - 25/02/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I tested positive for Covid, which I got from my boyfriend. Who got it from the chick he cheated on me with. At least it's not an STI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 161

Bored senseless

By Anonymous - 25/02/2022 06:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I realized this virus pandemic lockdown had no effect on my love life as I spent another free night cutting 1/4 inch thick calluses off my feet, as I have done before all this happened two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 179

GET UP

By hottygirl905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 2 347

Never again

By fat inspiration - 24/02/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my ex needs motivation to go to the gym, she posts a picture of herself in a pair of huge pants with the caption, “NEVER AGAIN!” Problem? They’re my pants, that I'd left at her place after we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 220

Good things come in threes

By Stuart Williams - 24/02/2022 12:00

Today, after I fell over and fractured my knee, I've been in hospital for a week. I now have a metal plate in my knee, and am due to be off work for months, I wouldn't mind as much if I hadn't been hit by a car two years ago, spent a week in hospital for a fractured vertebrae, and was off work for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 94

Medicare for all, now!

By Anonymous - 24/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I got health insurance for the first time in six years! I'm paying a ton of money each month for a plan that hardly covers anything. I will still go bankrupt me if anything bad actually happens, but I can't afford monthly premiums on anything better. Thank you, USA healthcare system. Single payer, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 212

Sir Mix-a-Lot's mom

By MomIsJelly - 22/02/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I noticed that my mom had been hiding all my leggings and yoga pants from me. Upon asking her, she admitted that she was jealous that my butt is bigger than hers, and that when I wear those types of pants, it's like I'm "rubbing it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 156

Drilled

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was having drilling work done on my teeth. My dentist slipped and drilled a hole in my cheek. I said mistakes happen, but that I didn't expect to pay for the work. They still billed me for it and sent me a prescription that I had to go and get (and pay for) in case it got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 135

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 02:00

Today, I have a massive paradox on my hands. My doctor told me to stop drinking so much tea to combat my sleeplessness, and it worked. Until now. I went to the doctor again to figure out why it suddenly stopped working, and she told me the reason I can't sleep now is because I have caffeine withdrawal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 197

Cruel world

By where’s the humanity? - 21/02/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, I tried to explain to my professor why I’d missed two classes. Even with a doctor’s note explaining my very serious health issues, she rolled her eyes and huffed, "Maybe if you’re ‘oh so sick,’ you should just drop out!” Gee, sorry for trying to improve my life through adversity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 109

This is actual irony, Alanis

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 04:00 - Belgium - Tamines

Today, I'm starting to have a chlorine sensitivity. I'm a swimming teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 77

What?

By IHaveThePower - 21/02/2022 02:00

Today, something blocked my ear. I couldn't get it out, so I went to Urgent Care so I didn't pop my eardrums. Turns out my allergies made my ears stop draining. After they rinsed my ears, I can now hear almost nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 102

Broom time

By juel - 20/02/2022 04:00

Today, after a particularly nasty bout of diarrhea, I somehow managed to get poop on the ceiling. I still don’t know how it ended up there, and I’m too short to reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 179

Spring break

By Anonymous - 20/02/2022 00:01

Today, I'm off work for 4 weeks after trying to move an obese patient from their bed. The poor woman was so large that when we tried to move her the leg of the bed snapped, and her weight drove the sharp broken leg down through my foot into the carpet. Surgery and no walking for 4 weeks. Whoopee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 88

Kills 99% of all bacteria

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 22:00

Today, I was so tired this morning when I went to take a dump and instead of using a baby wipe, I used a Lysol wipe. Guess I don’t have Covid up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 384

For Life

By worshippingatthethrone - 17/02/2022 10:00

Today, I had pizza for lunch, a cheesy burrito and cheese rice for dinner, topped off with a big bowl of ice cream. Three hours later, I puked it all up. I guess you never outgrow lactose intolerance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 1 651

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 16:00

Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 322

Can’nae take any more, Captain!

By Emma - 15/02/2022 12:00

Today, I crouched in front of my closet, lost my balance, and broke my thumb trying to steady myself. I'm an artist, and can't work now. I should probably lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 299

Steady on, son

By loveyouson - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 942

You deserved it 6 924

Graceful

By battered and bruised - 14/02/2022 06:00

Today, I bought some roller skates to go with the set my daughter got for her birthday. I haven’t skated since I was a kid, but I figured it was like riding a bike and I couldn’t have forgotten altogether. My broken coccyx disagrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 268

Overdoing it?

By Toe man - 14/02/2022 03:00 - South Africa - Kimberley

Today, on the third day after I developed what I thought was gout for the first time in my 62 years, it turns out it was just a spider bite on my toe. My wife still thinks I had been drinking on the sly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 112

Hot Hot Hot

By Cliff - 13/02/2022 16:00

Today, I nearly burnt a hole in my esophagus because I couldn’t stand my dad’s taunts about me not being able to stomach ghost pepper hot sauce. Irony is a cruel bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 1 138

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I’m at home, sick with a really bad sinus and ear infection. If I'd gone to the clinic earlier, then it wouldn’t have spread to my ears, but my boss wouldn’t let me take a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 148

Anatomy lesson

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 06:00

Today, my mom lost her shit because I was teaching my daughter about tampons. Apparently, they were created by radical feminists to trick women into “stealing” their own virginities, in order to make them unsuitable brides for decent men. I can’t believe I came out of this repressed psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 152

Down the hole we go

By Anonymous - 12/02/2022 09:00 - United States - Carmichael

Today, I found out I might have been exposed to HPV. So what do I do? End up in the internet self-diagnosis rabbit hole. Now I'm convinced I have something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 787

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 244

You deserved it 2 812

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 396

You deserved it 5 722

Today, I'm on my 20th consecutive night without decent sleep, ever since circumstances forced me to move back to my parents' bungalow, and my dad's thunderous snoring keeping me awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 175

Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 228

Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 511

You deserved it 2 405

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 075

You deserved it 929