Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
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Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML
Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
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Top comments
perdix 29
She probably just had the taste of penis on her lips and got confused. Honest mistake, no harm done :D
massinator5 4
Those magazines are evil, man
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Comments (132)
meherm 11
Taste like penis? Really?
blackwidowtaco 31
If your wife is letting a silly magazine amp up her insecurities and put ideas in her head about her marriage, then you've got bigger problems.
TheWorldGreatest 8
Those type of magazines are nothing but trouble
Ray_of_midnight 22
I'm convinced that Cosmo magazine has destroyed more relationships in the last 50 years than all the prostitutes in North America.
Bradley_Dillon 39
Yeah, I agree on that one.
bessiemay01 5
Well that's gay.
Bradley_Dillon 39
Your comment was gay!
wowthatissad 9
Penis has a taste?
lyncecelia 13
I guess...if the dude doesn't wash it properly....ick.
TheDrifter 23
Well, lips have a taste, so does neck (the same one if she's not wearing flavored lip gloss) so I would assume the rest of a person has a taste too.
holly_fly 34
It can taste like his cologne smells, clothes detergent, the man's natural smell (not sweat, like if he got out of the shower and laid down without putting any cologne/deodorant on), his body wash if he JUST got out of the shower... Lots of NON sweat tastes.
carecow 16
I don't want to know how many relationships that goes to hell because of jealousy and cosmo's "articles".
graceinsheepwear 33
Seven. Seven relationships.
sammyjanette 17
I hope I never find out what penis tastes like.
graceinsheepwear 33
Now what fun is that?
rebellionwars 11
Your wife is an idiot. A penis doesn't have a taste, the cum does. Your wife is really a moron.
MzZombicidal 36
Thanks for clarifying...
monnanon 13
tastes like skin i find. which i know sounds really wierd but it does.
holly_fly 34
Actually, It can taste like his cologne smells, clothes detergent, the man's natural smell (not sweat, like if he got out of the shower and laid down without putting any cologne/deodorant on), his body wash if he JUST got out of the shower... So yes, it does have a taste.
ViviMage 39
She knows what a penis tastes like how?
Shrike 23
Oh wow, another sheltered idiot. I shouldn't read the comments in reverse.
graceinsheepwear 33
You can't figure that out why?