Intimacy, Sex and Awkward: You tried

You tried

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 14:01

Today, my wife finally agreed to try anal. Unfortunately, it was too hot in the apartment so I couldn't focus and I kept going soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 640

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Same thing different taste

Analyst

By Anonymous - 05/11/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my wife insisted we try anal until we “got it right”. Well, she complained through the whole thing, wouldn’t let me quit, blamed me when I inevitably did orgasm and she didn’t, and then moaned about how it stings and needing a shower. I don’t even like anal, it’s not my thing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 330

Sexy talk

By hamburger - 06/07/2013 21:21 - United States - Adrian

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 291

You deserved it 8 497

Did Kris Jenner put you up to this?

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 10:00

Today, my wife wanted to spice things up by making a sex tape. Not sure if it was excitement or just the pressure of being on camera, but the whole thing was less than 4 minutes, including foreplay and apologising, and due to bad camera placement most of the film was of my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 168

Let's get it on

By chief623 - 01/10/2023 16:00 - United States - Ashland

Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 112

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 02:01

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 721

You deserved it 344

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 098

You deserved it 36 904

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 293

You deserved it 48 545

YDI Fosho

By shuffling man - 12/08/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to try anal, praise the lord hallelujah. As we were getting into position, she let out a rancid fart she'd been saving for my face. Apparently it was revenge for me seeing Mamma Mia 2 without her while she was at work yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 397

You deserved it 4 045

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 258

You deserved it 4 938

Girl, DIY

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 03:00

Today, my wife yelled at me to "just stick it up her ass already." No, not for anal sex, it was a suppository she got from the doctor. This is the closest I’ve been to sex in 2 years, since she decided we were done having sex and won’t even explain why when I ask. We’re only in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 177

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 24 August 2021 14:08

I bet you really felt like an asshole.

Rob Lapierre 3

Wednesday 25 August 2021 1:12

she probably would of agreed to it sooner if you had an AC

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 24 August 2021 14:08

I bet you really felt like an asshole.

Rob Lapierre 3

Wednesday 25 August 2021 1:12

she probably would of agreed to it sooner if you had an AC

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Today, my son claimed credit for a money-saving scheme at work that belonged to a colleague. He claimed this to someone in very upper management, but when they tried to ask follow-up questions, he obviously had no idea how to answer, admitted his lie and was sacked on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 422

Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 84

The Top

Today, while pooping at work, I was scrolling through social media. I dropped my phone in the toilet and the automatic flusher engaged, flushing my phone halfway into the pipes, which then flooded the toilet. I had to call maintenance and explain what happened to retrieve phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 2 187

Today, I ran into one of my classmates from high school. She’s really annoying and she talks A LOT. Honestly all I wanted was some coffee and some loneliness before my class started, but she just kept talking and talking and wouldn’t leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 157

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 410

You deserved it 5 259

Today, my supervisor locked me in the women's bathroom as I was cleaning it. I heard the owner scolding him, so I waited for the door to open, thinking he got in trouble. It wasn't until I heard the front gate locking that I realized I'm staying the night in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 508

You deserved it 388

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 605

You deserved it 4 787

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey?" I replied, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stopped, turned and with a serious face asked, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 452

You deserved it 1 013

Same thing different taste

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