You snooze, you lose - FML

You snooze, you lose

By Jaymail - 17/05/2020 17:00

Today, I saw some really nice dining room chairs sitting out on the curb waiting for the garbage man. I went to the door to ask the owners why they were throwing them out. They told me it was because they had just bought new furniture. While I was talking to the owner, somebody else picked them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 475

Our house, in the middle of our street

Leave us alone

Be the hero

By work -_- - 22/04/2013 13:22 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 182

You deserved it 3 759

By Anonymous - 11/09/2013 08:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 255

You deserved it 3 457

Comeback

By sadguy - 18/02/2009 22:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 987

You deserved it 23 150

By emmmbo - 19/12/2011 15:40 - Australia

Today, my brother and I proposed to our girlfriends at the same time. We had perfect synchronization after practicing for days. My brother's girlfriend said yes, mine said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 726

You deserved it 5 435

Secrecy

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 22:30 - South Africa

Today, I found out my husband of one year has been renting his old batchelor's apartment in secret, because he is unsure if he wants to stay married to me, and we are broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 77

By pontwa - 23/08/2015 13:45 - Australia

Today, after nearly 2 years, my now ex-girlfriend decided she was ready to have sex. Specifically, sex with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 118

You deserved it 1 891

Lovely Rita

By Greg - 29/08/2020 05:01

Today, I went to lunch with a friend in her car. I told her to park in a lot that had signs warning that we'd be towed, saying, "They never tow anyone from here. In fact, if you get towed, I'll pay for it." When we returned, her car was gone. I had to pay $145 in cash to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 3 464

Family extension

By now what - 26/07/2020 05:01

Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 180

By nearly a crazy lady - 12/08/2013 11:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my OCD manager sprayed my hands with chemicals because I touched the bin while throwing away a piece of paper. My hands are now covered in itchy, unattractive rashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 315

You deserved it 3 223

I'm not that old!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 02:01

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 146

By hitchhiked - 04/01/2012 06:28 - United States

Today, I picked up a hitchhiker. He was well dressed, and seemed trustworthy. As soon as he got in, he pulled out a gun and stole my wallet and car. All of this occurred in front of a sign warning against picking up hitchhikers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 946

You deserved it 85 869

By awskme - 09/01/2010 00:36 - France

Spicy

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 638

You deserved it 28 300

Got a little a carried away there, Skippy

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, one of the houses had actors with chainsaws. I ran away screaming and slammed into a wall. So much for being macho this Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 1 262

By notateen - 13/11/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 031

You deserved it 4 010

By jc2011 - 25/09/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, after months of grueling training and countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for over the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 215

You deserved it 3 026

Always call first

By Cat - 02/12/2020 08:06

Today, I went to visit my aunt who lives 6 hours away from me. Her car was missing from her driveway, but she's unemployed and barely leaves the house. Turns out, she moved in with her new boyfriend and didn't tell anyone, so I had to drive 6 hours back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 442

By Macy - 11/06/2011 20:36 - Italy

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 882

You deserved it 3 370

He's such a character!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was called a judgemental bitch by my family for not letting my son back home after his release from prison, forgetting that none of them want to house him either, considering he did run me over with my car he was stealing to pay his debts to his drug dealer/prostitute provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 50

By Oopsie - 20/07/2019 04:00

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 221

By Anonymous - 09/07/2018 20:30

Today, I, a man in his 40s, had to be taken to the hospital because I was laughing so hard at an old Disney movie that my diaphragm went into spasms. I stopped breathing and passed out for a few minutes and my son had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 884

You deserved it 410

By me - 04/08/2012 19:14 - Canada - Debert

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bike with no training wheels. After comforting her and assuring her that she'd be fine, I gave her a big push. She fell forward over the handlebars and scraped her chin on the front wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 158

You deserved it 26 771

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 22:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 229

You deserved it 3 009

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 439

You deserved it 3 402

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 06:39 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 178

You deserved it 1 867

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 543

You deserved it 7 534

By MaryJane - 07/08/2019 02:00

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because she wanted to start afresh in college and have pretty friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 070

You deserved it 107

By Fail - 21/11/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 797

You deserved it 2 999

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 05:00

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 162

You deserved it 311

By ApparentlyBadDriver - 25/06/2015 10:10 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I got into a fight with my parents when they called me a bad driver. Imagine their smugness when I had to call them two hours later and tell them that I drove into a pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 690

You deserved it 24 733

By blind - 29/01/2011 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall. It was amazing, apparently. Of course I wouldn't know, because I left my glasses at the hotel, and was sitting at the very back row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 784

You deserved it 30 412

By pdnne - 12/05/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 837

You deserved it 7 725

By Anonymous - 14/07/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 725

You deserved it 8 827

By abigiggles - 26/08/2018 22:00

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 299

By innocent cat lady - 07/07/2015 18:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend freaked out at me because he found a couple of orange hairs in my bed and he knows my ex is a redhead. He also knows I have two orange cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 125

You deserved it 2 450

Hard test

By Too Late - 19/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Sheboygan

Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 1 980

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 350

You deserved it 8 825

By rj93 - 05/11/2011 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 314

You deserved it 5 830

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 03:11 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 080

You deserved it 7 050

Make it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 04:00

Today, I had depressive feelings, so I decided to write about it to find out what was bothering me, and let go of the negative thoughts. While doing so, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 194

You mug

By IHateMyLife - 25/03/2021 02:01 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, it should have been my day off from work because I did a lot of night shifts. At 6 a.m., my boss called told me that my day off was canceled, because a coworker is ill. Now I'm sitting here on a night shift with a pinched nerve in my shoulder and a lot of pain, just because I stretched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 60

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Top comments

Kraths 16

Send a private message

Sunday 17 May 2020 19:32

Props for asking. I don't know where you live, but everywhere I have lived has an unspoken rule that if it's even remotely in the same time zone as the trashcan than it's fair game

DarkAngelsBlade 25

Send a private message

Monday 18 May 2020 4:09

I’d have put them on my vehicle and then asked if I was that curious lol

Comments

Kraths 16

Send a private message

Sunday 17 May 2020 19:32

Props for asking. I don't know where you live, but everywhere I have lived has an unspoken rule that if it's even remotely in the same time zone as the trashcan than it's fair game

DarkAngelsBlade 25

Send a private message

Monday 18 May 2020 4:09

I’d have put them on my vehicle and then asked if I was that curious lol

idris red 6

Tuesday 19 May 2020 10:24

you are not fast enough

Send a private message

Wednesday 20 May 2020 2:26

This could have gone either way. Could have been roach infested or something, then instead of an FML you would have dodged a bullet. Timing was bad this time around, but you made the right call to ask about it.

sickerthanyou 13

Send a private message

Sunday 24 May 2020 20:54

You should have yelled at that person “people were murdered while they were sitting on those chairs” and watch the other person dump the chairs and run away

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 119

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 295