Intimacy: Wrong sort of poking - FML

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40 - United States - Brandon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 188

You deserved it 9 737

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 8 644

By besviken - 18/11/2012 22:53 - Sweden - Uppsala

Spicy

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 443

You deserved it 6 313

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Spicy

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 009

You deserved it 6 798

Sick moves, dude

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 387

You deserved it 4 229

By omgwhyme - 08/01/2012 14:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 400

You deserved it 49 337

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 699

You deserved it 6 000

By staciedee - 01/06/2010 09:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 165

You deserved it 4 949

One nation, under rod

By LaLa - 20/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 207

By keepsmiling - 02/09/2009 11:19 - France

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 402

You deserved it 47 553

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 758

You deserved it 13 668

Next

Top comments

jaysvn 2

Sunday 22 September 2013 13:18

that's a dick move.

naxeeb 33

Sunday 22 September 2013 13:16

Maybe his one-eyed-snake was trying to find a partner? :P In any case, you should put ice on that OP!

Comments

Ray_of_midnight 22

Sunday 22 September 2013 23:52

Actual Advice Mallard says: that thing you see in **** where men slap women in the face with their penises? Real-life women generally don't appreciate that, and even the ones that do, would prefer that you ask first.

SaintJimmy21 19

Monday 23 September 2013 0:03

WHY did he even try that?

dawood_k 27

Monday 23 September 2013 0:12

Your husbands is ******* awesome! High five him, or **** eye him... Oh you know what I mean

SasquatchDeluxe 10

Monday 23 September 2013 1:12

Your boyfriend needs to learn what a penis is used for with a girl…and it's not for hitting her forehead.

vodzman 10

Monday 23 September 2013 2:38

Yeah...probably should have seen that coming...

Beccarella 4

Monday 23 September 2013 2:39

Grab a ***** and return the favour.. Eye for an eye?

kwesh34 0

Monday 23 September 2013 3:49

Girl next time put that dick in your mouth and bite it. Trust me he will think twice before trying to hit you with it. In fact he will reckon where to put it next time...yep ur va jay jay, not your FOREHEAD.

PeirceTheRoses 2

Monday 23 September 2013 4:48

xD I'm dying!

Meaniebobeanie 26

Monday 23 September 2013 4:59

Wait... Why are people clicking YDI?

jraww 3

Monday 23 September 2013 5:49

Why was his penis and your forehead at the same height..?

4
5
6
7
8
9

Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Relatable Birthday Abuse Scams Money Social Media Education Kids School Parents Health Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Customers Gross Work

The Top

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 489

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, I was paid to be in a commercial, playing a hiker, camping and grilling by a tent with my pretend boyfriend. To make our on-camera interaction more believable, I suggested to him, "Hey, I'm gonna feed you some food, into your mouth." His answer, "Naaah, I'm good." I got rejected on a FAKE date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 595

Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 475

You deserved it 2 276

Today, a day before my birthday, I'm submitting my unplanned resignation after receiving an applicant's phone call inquiring about my position. Because yep, there was already an ad for an opening in my position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 953

You deserved it 483

Today, I'm extremely depressed because I can't play live music due to this stupid virus. I can't get a date or even a hug, and the career I worked for seven years toward was totally destroyed. All my friends are too busy for me, unless they need a favor. I hate my life. I need a hug. I'm not going to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 190

Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 687

You deserved it 3 434

Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 207