Love, Intimacy and Health: Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML

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There's no helping some people

Dangling modifier

Late term

By PissedbythePiper - United States - Saukville

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

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By Farterella

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving through a neighborhood and saw a "slow down, children" sign. I was nice and slowed down as I passed a couple little kids with their parents outside watching them. I guess I was going too slow because one of the fathers started chasing me down the street calling me a pedophile. FML

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By Muralove - United States - Matawan

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

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By Julianapilikusplatosophophes - Australia - Kew

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

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By AllieOops - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

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By davidthegreat - Japan

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Danbury

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

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By hellosir - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

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By turnmyphoneoff

The Phone Call

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

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By double trouble

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

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By couch potato - 16/3/2020 03:03

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

Today, I argued with my mom that I deserved enough independence to ride my bike to school. Halfway there, I realized I was so out of shape that I had to call her for a ride. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of hardcore training, free of injuries, I pinched a nerve in my neck while putting on a swimsuit to lie in the sun doing nothing. FML

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By Anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

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By Sheila - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

The Voice (of the future)

Today, my husband was singing while doing the housework. I told him to sign up for The Voice. He took me seriously, and did. Too bad for him, because he sounds like a cat dying in a ditch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a headache when I woke up for school. I had final exams that day, so I took what I thought were 2 advils. They were two sleeping pills. FML

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By poor girl - 27/6/2020 05:03

Chill out, Mom

Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML

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By bouda - France

Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Solon Springs

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

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By Asterisk1009 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

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By rubgy_lover - Canada - Surrey

Today, at work, I politely asked a patron to be quieter; I was hit in the face. I work in a library. FML

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By LivingInSin - United States

Today, my boyfriend's ex-wife facebooked me to inform me that they were still married and he was still sleeping with her. I've been living with him for the past month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

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By superhero1043 - United States

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

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By RawrSparkle - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Castle Rock

Idiots on bikes

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML

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By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

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By Why son, why? - United States

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

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By LL - United States - Seattle

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 14:01 - United States

Invasion

Today, I went to clean my roof when something buzzed by my head and a sting hit my neck. It turns out there's a small nest of, like, five hornets just chilling outside of my window. I found a dead one on the desk in my bedroom. FML

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By whattdafuuukkkk - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

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By 11niko - United States

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butt hole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

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Top comments

By TanteTine | 5

#7536026 - Thursday 31 August 2017 16:26

WOW...I don't even know what to say except...what a fucking asshole!!!!!! I'm soooo sorry!!!
I hope you get better soon.

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7536029 - Thursday 31 August 2017 16:29

It is garbage! Do not waste any more of your life with it. It has shown you what it is worth and that is nothing! I say "it" because it does not deserve recognition as a human! Only scum does what it did!

COMMENTS

By TanteTine | 5

#7536026 - Thursday 31 August 2017 16:26

WOW...I don't even know what to say except...what a fucking asshole!!!!!! I'm soooo sorry!!!
I hope you get better soon.

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7536029 - Thursday 31 August 2017 16:29

It is garbage! Do not waste any more of your life with it. It has shown you what it is worth and that is nothing! I say "it" because it does not deserve recognition as a human! Only scum does what it did!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7536030 - Thursday 31 August 2017 16:44

There are no words necessary to describe how wrong this is.

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7536033 - Thursday 31 August 2017 16:52

That's why I didn't post any.

I had something good, but no one would admit to liking it.

OP, I hope your treatment is successful. I'll go be a dick elsewhere.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7536040 - Thursday 31 August 2017 17:06

You know those black mildew crap that grows between bathroom tiles? Your boyfriend is worse than them.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7536052 - Thursday 31 August 2017 17:38

Ditch that lowlife loser and find somebody who's willing to support you all the way. If he tries to win you back after your recovery, tell him to fuck off.

By SteelSoul5 | 9

#7536079 - Thursday 31 August 2017 19:18

I'm
Sorry ? I wish I could give you my heart to support you but the reality is, he doesn't love you and that hurts so bad.

By acmariner99 | 24

#7536082 - Thursday 31 August 2017 19:33

That's gotta be one of the worst FMLs I've ever heard. Chemo is bad, cancer is worse, and I don't have a description for your PoS boyfriend. Feel better OP.

By Zachary8261 | 28

#7536097 - Thursday 31 August 2017 20:02

I hope you hit him in the dick. He doesn't deserve to reproduce.

By ThePandaMan696 | 6

#7536113 - Thursday 31 August 2017 21:14

Why the hell would 56 people say you deserve it? they're almost as bad as he is

Reply

KrazyKatz3 | 26

#7537645 - Tuesday 5 September 2017 13:20

A lot of people click that by accident

By jfsiv | 17

#7536180 - Friday 1 September 2017 0:23

Possibly the most F'd FML on the entire site.