By Anonymous

Smile!

Today, some official photographs went live on our company website. As I took a closer look, I realised I was in the background of one photo unloading boxes from a van. My trousers were halfway down my ass, flashing my butt crack for the whole internet to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2778

You deserved it

1358

Tweet

Share

Walk on the wild side

Messed up

Sorry…

By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31732

You deserved it

11867

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after assuring my best friend that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, I came home to my brother having loud sex with my best friend's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28550

You deserved it

2602

Tweet

Share

By the girl next door - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64698

You deserved it

5054

Tweet

Share

By QueenCee - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at work, a guy complained about me "touching his fries." At first I thought it was a joke, because he kept smiling, even after I offered him new ones. I realized it wasn't a joke when he threw the fries on the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26884

You deserved it

2509

Tweet

Share

By Kaji - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44445

You deserved it

23996

Tweet

Share

By Chad - 10/9/2020 04:02 - United States - Norfolk

Cloth ears

Today, my hubby asked me what we were doing for dinner. He'd already asked me twice and each time I responded, he said, "Sounds good." He has no idea why I feel like he doesn't listen to me. He's been doing this shit for 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1351

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 11:01

Deception

Today, I found out that my husband, who was supposed to be in PA school, dropped out 6 and a half years ago and never even received his bachelor's. He started lying to me before we were even a year into dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

975

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mariposa

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40628

You deserved it

3424

Tweet

Share

By leonuniz - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35411

You deserved it

5095

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Spain

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41715

You deserved it

23154

Tweet

Share

By Diblo - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Diblo's story

Today, I was in a middle school for work experience. One of the teachers was reading the class I was in a story about a man called Diblo. Innocent enough, right? Nope. He repeatedly misread it as Dildo for the entire passage. The kids laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1858

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mahwah

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33254

You deserved it

2879

Tweet

Share

By jjcod - United Kingdom - London

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41197

You deserved it

10166

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bowler

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks

32247

You deserved it

9267

Tweet

Share

By SelfServiced - United States - San Francisco

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41785

You deserved it

6562

Tweet

Share

By kmang33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30928

You deserved it

7029

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30439

You deserved it

4399

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 23:03

Devious, the lot of them

Today, I was out walking with a cute girl when we passed by a house with a Trump sign. Trying to make her laugh, I went to steal it. Turns out it was booby trapped. I got drenched by a sprinkler when I got close. FML

I agree, your life sucks

461

You deserved it

2106

Tweet

Share

By DEDMan

Today, I found out that my 6-year-old son was named after my wife's "Favorite Uncle" because he might also be the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3856

You deserved it

203

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29124

You deserved it

3210

Tweet

Share

By oh why... - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55328

You deserved it

4468

Tweet

Share

By Melting in Texas

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13743

You deserved it

933

Tweet

Share

By Isa - United States

Today, my boss at my new job asked whether I was fitting in OK. The company is Swedish, so as a joke, I said that at home I now serve all my food as a smorgasbord, chew on fermented herring and Daim chocolate bars, and buy all my furniture at Ikea. She didn't see the funny side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7380

You deserved it

35000

Tweet

Share

By newniece - United States

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39869

You deserved it

2527

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21444

You deserved it

1423

Tweet

Share

By CaptainStars - 29/6/2020 20:01

Bureaucracy

Today, I ran out of my antidepressants, and I cannot get more because my local hospital is closed, and I can't register online because the only way it will let me sign up is over the phone, due to me living in a rural area. I'm mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1700

You deserved it

108

Tweet

Share

By Jyocka - Canada

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16228

You deserved it

27010

Tweet

Share

By I'm just sick, really - United States - Springfield

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33231

You deserved it

2431

Tweet

Share

By Classicmen - United States

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36835

You deserved it

3585

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13572

You deserved it

2859

Tweet

Share

By Johnny on the Spot - United States

Shit, dude

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45299

You deserved it

2288

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27499

You deserved it

4715

Tweet

Share

By chocolaterabbit - Australia

Today, my friends created a fake Facebook profile of a girl, and asked me to be in a relationship. Even my friends think I can't get a real girlfriend, and need a fake one to feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32057

You deserved it

4456

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Canada

Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11254

You deserved it

44924

Tweet

Share

By lolk - United States - Little Rock

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22653

You deserved it

41529

Tweet

Share

By grannysmack - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49758

You deserved it

6543

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - Germantown

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29825

You deserved it

6776

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/8/2020 01:08 - Australia - South Yarra

Cake is everything

Today, at my maternal grandmother’s wake, I decided I deserved a piece of cake as it had been a hard day. I was serving myself a slice when my paternal grandma caught my eye from across the room, making a “fat face” at me. She called out, loudly, “You don’t need it Pudgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1694

You deserved it

644

Tweet

Share

By jerdub93 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18066

You deserved it

28265

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Upper Darby

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35093

You deserved it

44143

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#7566439 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 16:52

Well, shit, there goes your reputation as a crackless automaton.

By PhantomCrevan | 8

#7565707 - Sunday 19 November 2017 6:42

Contact the company and inform them- chances are high that they'll edit it to either cover your crack or crop you out completely.

Also, may I suggest either a belt or smaller pants? People generally don't enjoy seeing someone's personal moon.

COMMENTS

By PhantomCrevan | 8

#7565707 - Sunday 19 November 2017 6:42

Contact the company and inform them- chances are high that they'll edit it to either cover your crack or crop you out completely.

Also, may I suggest either a belt or smaller pants? People generally don't enjoy seeing someone's personal moon.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7566413 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 15:27

Next time you're in the office, ass them to fix their website. After all, I don't they they want such a crack in their professional façade.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7566429 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 15:53

Butt crack pictures make it to the whole Internet — your trousers would have had to drop further for the hole Internet to care.

By exileonmainst | 16

#7566431 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 15:59

Not to mention the red dots all over your body.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7566438 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 16:42

Or that your manboobs were caught on a shelf while diarrhea shot out of your ass.

Reply

exileonmainst | 16

#7566441 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 16:55

Or the sperm on his foot.

By Tripartita | 44

#7566439 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 16:52

Well, shit, there goes your reputation as a crackless automaton.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7566440 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 16:53

Unless someone can identify you by your ass crack, I wouldn't worry about it. Should make an interesting dinner tale.

By jfsiv | 17

#7566484 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 19:02

I see a bad moon arising, I see trouble on the way....

Reply

GIJoefan | 6

#7566610 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 3:28

Song cue!

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7566494 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 19:23

You'll get in trouble for doing a half-ass job.

By jkjorn | 15

#7566510 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 20:14

Not a problem if you work for a plumbing company, people expect to see that then.

By GIJoefan | 6

#7566609 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 3:26

You were practicing for your plumbers license.