Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house, I heard him shout, "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, get back here!" He was talking to his cat who'd run out the door behind me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML
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Top comments
jack10001 9
Your username says it all!
unknown_user5566 27
There once was an OP who lived in a shoe. Her boyfriend said she cheated, and gave her the boot. Little did she know, she was dating Dr. Suess, And shouldn't give a damn about losing her boo.
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Comments (99)
sp00ky_fml 5
LMFAO @ OP's name hahahah!
gunnerblaster 21
Sounds like you're better off without some boy who won't even stop to hear your side of things. Good huntin'.
2RaRa25 6
5-year-old boys just aren't boyfriend material...
kawaiichick 9
Could it be that he was hiding something and felt guilty himself? Hence, turning the tables on you.
deathmountaindew 8
Username plus anecdote equals a huge late night laugh for me.
lady1992 5
Wtf.?! Were you dating a 10 year old.?! I mean who does that
Naz_zak 11
You're better off.
DanielT1994 19
OP, are you a pedophile?
j3ebrules 13
Did you know he was delayed before you dated him
mariebc123 7
Y'all both seem like children..with him saying things a child says..and your name.. Good job!