By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 20:58 - Philippines

Life imitates art

Today, my hypochondria is getting worse. I think it's because of watching too much Grey's Anatomy. FML

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Last dates

Property law

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

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By Shouldn'taWornaThong - United States - Tempe

Shouldn't have worn a thong...

Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML

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5481

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By Zitty - United States

Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML

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18535

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

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59373

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By lily_marleen - United States

Today, we have a fruit fly infestation again because my roommate keeps buying fruit and letting it rot on the counter. Despite the moldy fruit being covered in flies, she insists it's my fault because I left an empty bottle of beer out. FML

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By djoe - Australia

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

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26731

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By BrillianceSucks - Canada

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

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By Anonymous

Cats gonna cat

Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML

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1378

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

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46073

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By Anonymous - United States - New Castle

Today, a student turned in homework she copied off an online answer key. The wrong key. My students are too stupid to cheat right. FML

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3717

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

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46836

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By yourmom - United States

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

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By lexigan4 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

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36117

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Fancy Hobo

Today, I decided to change my name on YouTube to Fancy Hobo and then proceeded to send an email to a well-admired professor. Little did I know my email was linked to YouTube. Yes, Fancy Hobo sent a very professional email about registration for Grad School. FML

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599

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By feminismlol - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

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By KaYLa_LoUiSe - 8/8/2020 08:03

Narcissistic parents FTW

Today, I told my mom I wasn't doing very good mentally and I was looking for some support. She decided to remind me of all of the things I still haven't paid her back for. I'm now an unpaid loan, not her daughter. FML

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1389

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By Butterflyguy - Canada

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

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By noname - Canada

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

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By 420curse - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

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34523

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By Anonymous - United States - Bronx

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

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By Maryanne Swain

Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML

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1696

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By CorinnenotaplanB

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

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3666

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260

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By Oragami - 12/6/2020 14:07

Galaxy brain take

Today, a customer told me it was bullshit we couldn't serve coffee because of the COVID restrictions, and added that the protests and riots happening are because people are bored. FML

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1266

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

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9640

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By Headache - United States

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

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32815

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By Ignatius - United States

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

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59907

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19903

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4514

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By hmdge1 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, I found out that my boss of 2 years not only doesn't know my name, but calls me "Jew hair" behind my back because of my natural ringlets. This man determines all of my career progression. FML

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26120

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By Dani - Australia

Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

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38011

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By trp007 - United States - New Castle

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

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22253

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By Anonymous

Happy Feet

Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML

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By pancakessdsjsn - United States - Lake Forest

Today, while cleaning tables at the fast food place where I work, I had to remove two human teeth from a table top. FML

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42363

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By Anon - Canada - Calgary

Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML

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22982

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By Anon - United States

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

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28191

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By headache - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

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35493

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5184

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By Laughluv - United States

Today, I realized that I have been playing a little too much Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I realized this when I was watching a youtube video and there was someone walking in the background who I impulsively tried to gun down and kill by moving my mouse over him and clicking repeatedly. FML

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7779

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By Annienomous - United States - Marion

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

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25136

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5320

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By Losamus

Nice first impression.

Today, I didn't know I had a pill stuck in my throat until I coughed and it flew across the table, narrowly missing the weird guy sitting across from me in the break room. Turns out that weird guy is my new supervisor. FML

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2614

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7963635 - Monday 11 January 2021 15:31

You probably don't really have hypochondria.

That's so meta 🤯

By Yudith | 20

#7963761 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 3:16

Don't worry; by season 12, you will get better because the show is 90% drama at that point.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7963635 - Monday 11 January 2021 15:31

You probably don't really have hypochondria.

That's so meta 🤯

By Yudith | 20

#7963761 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 3:16

Don't worry; by season 12, you will get better because the show is 90% drama at that point.