Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

What? How? Why?

Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML

Gammon

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

Snowflake

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not with any of the sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

Slice and dice

Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

Don't look up

Today, at work on a construction site, my coworker dropped a small piece of metal from 4 stories, and it struck another worker. We quickly began to climb down to see if the person was OK, and the same coworker dropped a metal pole, and crushed my hand, two minutes after the first accident. FML

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

Safe working conditions

Today, at work, yet another inappropriately stacked pallet fell on me. I thought for sure that I just hit a nerve. Nope, I fractured my arm. FML