By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML I agree, your life sucks 38137 You deserved it 5338 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ma.Sa.La. - United States Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings-No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right...NO INTEREST." FML I agree, your life sucks 27555 You deserved it 50252 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By midnightblade163 - Australia - Caringbah Today, at work a customer yelled at me, called me a 'fucking bitch', 'a fat whore', and, told me to lose weight because I wouldn't let her in the grocery store I work at to buy lettuce, after we'd closed. Lettuce for her lizard. FML I agree, your life sucks 23117 You deserved it 1829 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 54029 You deserved it 6745 235 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shiznit - United States Technique Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML I agree, your life sucks 33499 You deserved it 4263 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By emperor - Bangladesh Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML I agree, your life sucks 48396 You deserved it 30558 206 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sadfantasy - Canada - Toronto Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML I agree, your life sucks 21836 You deserved it 1610 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brook - Australia - Sydney Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML I agree, your life sucks 36342 You deserved it 3805 172 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By numbcrumb Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 5753 You deserved it 281 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Modesto Today, the gas company came to connect our stove for free. While here, they broke our hot water heater, shut it off, and issued us a hazard notice. We can fix it, but they won't be able to come back for another two weeks to turn the gas back on. We don't have any hot water until then. FML I agree, your life sucks 24474 You deserved it 1756 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ouch. - Canada - Whitehorse Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML I agree, your life sucks 48322 You deserved it 3225 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmylyfe - United States - Saint Paul Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML I agree, your life sucks 47806 You deserved it 3947 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Tampa Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML I agree, your life sucks 30422 You deserved it 2521 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JeffeeBojangles - United States Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML I agree, your life sucks 33355 You deserved it 2541 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/2/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton New one Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML I agree, your life sucks 3218 You deserved it 414 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Russian Federation Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 31307 You deserved it 9240 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hellosaila - United States Today, I met this really attractive guy who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet and we got along pretty well. Then someone informed me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment, AFTER I had been referring to him as Wyan for quite some time. FML I agree, your life sucks 52683 You deserved it 14996 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Sweden - Staffanstorp Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years old, with no wife or children. FML I agree, your life sucks 30115 You deserved it 2369 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Amelia Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML I agree, your life sucks 41210 You deserved it 3583 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got a root canal. It wouldn't have been that bad if the dentist hadn't performed it on the wrong tooth. FML I agree, your life sucks 30928 You deserved it 1837 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BobbyHutchinson - Australia Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML I agree, your life sucks 59742 You deserved it 2825 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML I agree, your life sucks 63146 You deserved it 17437 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML I agree, your life sucks 29959 You deserved it 84346 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TheJeremyMoe - United States Today, my bike was stolen. Partially. Since I always locked it up, some asswipe thought it would be funny to steal the handlebar stem and the seat, leaving the actual handlebar dangling by the brake cables. Since there was no way to steer or sit, I had to carry my bike one mile back to my dorm. FML I agree, your life sucks 1598 You deserved it 97 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML I agree, your life sucks 32575 You deserved it 2583 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/4/2020 14:00 Littered Today, I'm on crutches and wearing an orthopedic boot because a 22.5 pound box of cat litter fell out of my back hatch onto my foot. FML I agree, your life sucks 1286 You deserved it 229 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML I agree, your life sucks 85153 You deserved it 5913 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By damn - United States - Kenton Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML I agree, your life sucks 49342 You deserved it 7972 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fackwork - United States - Council Bluffs Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML I agree, your life sucks 33047 You deserved it 9998 164 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sucksforme. - Canada Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML I agree, your life sucks 64991 You deserved it 6324 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blank - United States Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML I agree, your life sucks 35435 You deserved it 6354 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML I agree, your life sucks 35681 You deserved it 3956 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United States - San Francisco Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML I agree, your life sucks 33065 You deserved it 3563 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotANaturist - United Kingdom Today, I came home from a new years party wearing a shower curtain and nothing else. FML I agree, your life sucks 8777 You deserved it 41803 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sadcase - Australia Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 13229 You deserved it 138504 422 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By heytherexo - United States Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML I agree, your life sucks 41848 You deserved it 93086 250 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Japan - Ageo Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 22642 You deserved it 5410 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FML - United States Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML I agree, your life sucks 30338 You deserved it 3260 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kate - United States - Kansas City Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML I agree, your life sucks 38850 You deserved it 8933 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Manny Managerson - 23/11/2020 11:01 - United States The Terminator Today, a furious woman stormed into my job, demanding to know why I fired her precious baby boy. I explained that watching porn on the clock is grounds for termination. She screamed that I was lying about him and that she’ll see me in court for slandering him. I had to call the cops to make her leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 1100 You deserved it 61 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ciph3r | 9 #7716113 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 4:31 I can see that you did not pay attention in physics class. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By ciph3r | 9 #7716113 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 4:31 I can see that you did not pay attention in physics class. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 577 You deserved it 171 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 991 You deserved it 160 11 Comments