Welcome to the world! - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 37

Welcome to the world!

By Anonymous - 01/04/2020 08:00

Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 435

You deserved it 135

Taking stock

Hiding from the drama

Ever Given

Run run run

By runner - 14/11/2009 07:15

Today, I went for a run in a new pair of shoes that left me with huge blisters. As I finished cleaning them up so they could heal, I limped to my bed to take a nap. I was woken by the fire alarm. My building was having a drill and we couldn't use the elevators. I live on the 9th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 918

You deserved it 3 752

12/12/2010 02:20

Spicy

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 346

You deserved it 5 024

24/06/2009 12:11

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 367

You deserved it 46 622

06/04/2012 17:11

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 6 372

24/04/2015 23:58

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 068

You deserved it 2 896

10/08/2018 18:30

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 174

You deserved it 372

21/12/2014 07:59

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 490

You deserved it 4 863

12/06/2012 23:39

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 941

You deserved it 30 534

20/06/2014 21:19

Spicy

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 092

You deserved it 9 589

The one that got away

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 18:00

Today, the only person who remembered my birthday was my stalker ex. He left condoms, birth control, furry handcuffs, and a lingerie set in my mailbox, with a note saying to prepare for our anniversary. We went out for a week. In sixth grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 048

You deserved it 124

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 162

You deserved it 11 435

22/05/2010 23:24

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 835

You deserved it 15 863

07/11/2013 17:12

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 603

You deserved it 4 024

12/10/2011 03:34

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 279

You deserved it 3 245

19/04/2016 02:43

Spicy

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 424

You deserved it 2 661

06/11/2009 23:37

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 764

You deserved it 10 970

26/07/2013 07:58

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 201

You deserved it 2 962

XXL

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 23:01

Today, after losing 20 pounds, I decided to purchase new clothes. All of the clothes at the store were still too small for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 227

12/06/2016 19:44

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 886

You deserved it 967

19/08/2011 04:11

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 466

You deserved it 26 181

19/04/2009 20:48

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 607

You deserved it 2 580

27/08/2010 00:19

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 870

You deserved it 43 577

24/05/2010 15:14

Spicy

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 559

You deserved it 5 215

28/04/2015 13:26

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 028

You deserved it 2 992

24/11/2009 00:07

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 182

You deserved it 2 395

28/01/2013 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 927

You deserved it 2 965

Caught in the act

By darkrebel01 - 21/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out how fast my dad's reaction speed is. I was coming downstairs and sat next to my dad on the couch to show him something I did in a class. He was on an adult website and didn't notice I was coming into the room until I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608

You deserved it 212

01/10/2010 13:06

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 378

You deserved it 6 053

19/08/2011 21:08

Today, I had my first day of soccer tryouts. We began with a two mile run. Trying to be honest for once, I didn't lie about my time. Everyone else did. I thus got the worst score, and had to run it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 187

You deserved it 4 533

13/05/2011 12:27

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 086

You deserved it 5 947

13/02/2016 01:56

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 201

You deserved it 1 485

06/08/2011 00:18

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 637

You deserved it 2 745

09/05/2010 16:29

Spicy

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 276

You deserved it 6 733

23/02/2011 21:52

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 401

You deserved it 3 985

19/04/2012 16:08

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 083

You deserved it 5 860

19/12/2016 01:51

Today, I swung my arm with a product in my hand, and the product flew out of the packaging and hit an old lady on her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 800

You deserved it 1 370

30/09/2015 05:26

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 137

You deserved it 2 404

27/07/2016 15:24

Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 885

You deserved it 1 904

14/12/2008 05:15

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 368

You deserved it 68 189

09/12/2009 13:27

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 296

You deserved it 23 932

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Top comments

Charlie Given 24

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Wednesday 1 April 2020 17:40

Damn that's some BS sorry for ya, but thank you for your diligent service during these troubling times

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 April 2020 20:55

That sucks, but I admire your ability to be strong and mature through it. Those kind of qualities will help you find someone better.

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Charlie Given 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 April 2020 17:40

Damn that's some BS sorry for ya, but thank you for your diligent service during these troubling times

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 1 April 2020 18:14

Ugh, you're in the U.K. where you can't take revenge on them because of socialized medicine. Here in the US, you could have billed them with minute details and some "errors." The hassle alone would bring you some sense that you exacted justice.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 April 2020 20:55

That sucks, but I admire your ability to be strong and mature through it. Those kind of qualities will help you find someone better.

1known 29

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Thursday 2 April 2020 3:28

And is he the father?

s_ve 7

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Thursday 2 April 2020 19:37

You are so strong and a much better person.