Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML
Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML
Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, as usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
shamille 5
at least they didn't steal your dog
iBou_fml 4
half an hour masturbating? :S
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (147)
manic44 0
Coudn't The Dog Have Bitten Him
jmok222 0
too bad the burglars didn't come in and steal your virginity. xD
that_guy_you_are 0
Now see, if you were masturbating in front of the TV, that wouldn't have happened. There's a lesson there for you, Ya Dumb Idiot.
xstaticdelta 6
EPIC GRANDE FINALE FAIL
taytaydude 0
Wow I've got to say that sucks. But was it worth it? lol
viaco12 0
Hahaha! Idiot! I said I agreed, but I meant to say you deserved it! Hahaha!
patte_fml 19
If I was your dog and all distracted by the intense odours flying out of you right through my sensible nose and then addionally some unknown intersting smell is coming in through the front door in form of two thiefs - I'd barked so loud till I collapsed. What a beautiful dog days afternoon ^_^...
Tchernov9 0
They should've, that way, they be like, "Uhh.... Here's your TV back... uhh..." LOL that be hilarious, OP:but you kinda do both on this, sucks and deserving.
Dharman117 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, omfg that's gold.
Nesyaj0 0
I started lol'ing after "masturbating" i lol'd harder after completing the post. Sucks for you!