Transportation, Cars and Neighbours: Waiting anxiously - FML

Waiting anxiously

By ProFesser - 28/03/2017 16:00

Today, while heading outside to go to work, I slip on my driveway and my coffee thermos-mug ends up flying out of my hand, and smashes my next door neighbor's brand new truck window. The thermos-mug broke and splashed hot coffee all over his seats too. He's a hard-ass military dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 471

You deserved it 684

Transportation Cars Neighbours

Our house, in the middle of our street

Batman

I CAN HEAR YOU

By yuhan - 22/07/2018 19:00

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 809

You deserved it 490

By petty petty petty - 08/09/2017 16:00

Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 248

By aeterne - 08/04/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, my boss informed me that it is now my responsibility to wash the dishes, since my co-workers are consistently too lazy to clean up after themselves. I have a bachelor's degree. Which I earned at the same university I now work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 293

You deserved it 6 041

By Miscellaneous - 17/06/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 816

You deserved it 655

By Anonymous - 21/09/2010 14:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 283

You deserved it 14 618

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 13:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on Craigslist as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 171

You deserved it 23 839

By FoodNeeded - 25/08/2016 02:24 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, for breakfast, I made a butter sandwich. I'm that broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 495

You deserved it 2 036

By Sean - 09/10/2010 20:54 - United States

Today, I got a zero on my math test. My teacher was convinced that I had written the answers on my arm. No answers, just really thick, black arm hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 441

You deserved it 3 318

By Lilo4life - 06/08/2015 15:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 349

You deserved it 2 784

By datgirl92 - 24/05/2013 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 155

You deserved it 19 624

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 755

You deserved it 4 855

By ew - 15/09/2015 16:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 227

You deserved it 1 557

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 252

You deserved it 7 186

By Sarah - 12/06/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 087

You deserved it 4 027

By Boo Boo - 22/01/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 042

You deserved it 2 447

By Anonymous - 21/05/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 559

You deserved it 5 223

By petra84 - 22/10/2012 22:34 - United States - Evans

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 032

You deserved it 2 246

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 254

You deserved it 40 529

By SeriouslyDad - 22/09/2013 13:57 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 082

You deserved it 3 509

By Guilpie - 29/01/2017 16:00 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 342

You deserved it 714

By Anonymous - 13/06/2013 18:56 - India - Pune

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 356

You deserved it 3 819

By Ribbed for Her Disaster - 04/04/2013 16:04 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Spicy

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 307

You deserved it 19 392

By unitythemene - 04/07/2019 22:00

Today, I was worried because it's July and I still haven't found a summer job, despite applying to 50 places. It was fine, because I remembered my savings account. I told my parents. Instead of being relieved, they said they're going to take the money from me for being lazy, and using it for my tuition, despite promising to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 314

Child's play

By knew that kid looked familiar - 06/10/2021 17:00

Today, I took my kids to the park. I saw my daughter playing with a kid who looked familiar. Turns out he was my ex’s son, whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was cute they played so well together, until my ex’s new girlfriend came over, screaming that I was trying to use my kid to get to her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 131

By taptheturtle - 12/04/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 461

You deserved it 11 022

Duchamp would be proud

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 12:00

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 148

By Weezylover - 26/05/2009 08:24 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 613

You deserved it 7 953

By Username - 24/11/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up early and went to the dermatologist's, only to have them tell me that the skin condition I have that causes big, white spots to appear is chronic and I can do nothing about it. But they did give me cream for a different skin condition they found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 336

You deserved it 2 388

By kappaomicron - 19/01/2010 23:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 036

You deserved it 6 592

By NoSleep - 26/09/2009 14:30 - United States

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 748

You deserved it 3 246

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 22:32 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 536

You deserved it 2 980

By brsoxgirl - 15/07/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 720

You deserved it 5 852

By deadman - 16/08/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 576

You deserved it 30 068

Revenge is rarely satisfactory

By forgettable - 21/06/2020 20:08

Today, I wanted to rub my success in my ex's face to get her back for breaking my heart. I typed the perfect email, included every detail of opening my own business, buying my own home and cleverly intertwined insults. A few hours later, she replied, "That’s nice. Who’s this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 3 738

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 08:50 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 906

You deserved it 1 958

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me so I walked up to her and asked if everything was okay. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 253

You deserved it 452

By Andrew Dutch Beebe - 25/08/2019 20:00

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 86

Back to school for the lucky few

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 962

You deserved it 4 329

Stuck

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was told by my boss if I was late one more time he fired me. I replied, "Can I quit then if that's the case." He then said no, and gave me more shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 962

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 1 222

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 16:26

Don't make it worse. Tell him immediately so you can clean up the coffee before it stains. It is far better than having a hardass military guy believing you broke his window and stained seats on purpose.

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 20:20

Yeah so a pebble can hit my windshield at 40 mph and do nothing but a thermos falling out of your hand can smash through it and pour all of the contents out? Not believeable. I hate when lies get posted

Comments

readingrachel 9

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 16:06

Deny deny deny

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 16:26

Tell him it was a terrorist drive by.

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 16:26

Don't make it worse. Tell him immediately so you can clean up the coffee before it stains. It is far better than having a hardass military guy believing you broke his window and stained seats on purpose.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 18:35

Aw, I'm sorry. You're gonna get fragged.

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 20:15

That is the most unfortunate thing.

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 20:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 30 March 2017 10:21

well mine is made from stainless steel so it absolutely could break a window

HalfLit 17

Tuesday 28 March 2017 20:53

What the hell is that mug made of that it broke through a windshield?

needagoodlaugh 34

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 21:14

If the window already had a weak spot and the mug hit it just right it could cause it to break. The odds are low but that's what bad luck is all about.

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 21:34

They didn't say windshield...

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Thursday 30 March 2017 4:09

probably a yeti. They're extremely strong and durable

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 21:45

Just go ahead let him know, apologize and offer to pay for the damage. It's best you be up front about it instead of being scared and not

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 23:34

I kinda believe OP because I have a metal coffee mug that's pretty dense and wouldn't surprise me if could break a window

soulreaper12296 28

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Wednesday 29 March 2017 16:07

Well you know, you could just tell him about it immediately and offer to pay for the window instead of worrying about how pissed he'll be because he's a "military hard-ass".

Nearly

Today, I have to do a science presentation in approximately 10 minutes. I didn’t do the assignment or make a PowerPoint cause I stayed up all night trying to do my French homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 15

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 260

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 162