Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, I just had surgery and my wife finally wants to have sex. Not that there haven't been enough other days in the previous years of marriage… FML
Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML
Today, my wife flat out refuses to have sex with me, ever. Most days it's "What have you done to earn sex?" then when I point out all I do (pay bills, work hard, take care of her, the kids and the house) it's, "Oh, so that means I owe you sex?" I even got that excuse on my birthday. FML
Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML
Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML
Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that would kill my sex drive, just so she wouldn't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, after being in the hospital for two weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML
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Top comments
slantyshanty 7
Your wife is batshit crazy.
xoxokelsey11 5
Obviously she's trying to give you another hernia.
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Comments (196)
NippsSlipps 10
This is what *****'s are for.
Marcelb 17
That's what duct tape is for.
bitchpleasemike 7
what a bitch. she can pleasure herself.
BexRae 1
AGREED. or get back in the kitchen where she belongs. (im a woman...i just think certain shit is funny) heh.
tygerarmy 35
Can she sit on your face? How many people are going to blame the OP or want to be in his position? Just because you're married doesn't mean sex on demand. If the roles were reversed it wouldn't be okay.
DrMime 10
Looks like her Lobito is having a lobotomizing effect on yours. If she's really as horny as you say, might I suggest a mop to help her dry up?
FalconCrunch 4
Are you referring to Lobito, her pet libido?
1happymummy 14
Libido.
perdix 31
You might need to get some advice from a cunning linguist.
DrMime 10
Fortunately I speak fluent linguish.
Gondile 4
Haha perdix, I see what you did there...
silentbutfunny 0
When she has sugery, nagg her for sex the second she wakes up
silentbutfunny 0
Surgery* i want to call myself out on thay before anybody else does...
absolutegrrr 7
*that - wanted to call you out on that before anyone else does
GoW_Chick 15
You should introduce her to my friend good ole retractable massage shower head, guaranteed to quit nagging wives' bitching everywhere. ;)
Awsumuzzie 12
Oh haha, I get it! Use the cord to wrap around her neck, causing her to suffocate, and then stop nagging! You're really good.
GoW_Chick 15
That's one way to use it, but wasn't what I was going for, it can be used for something different, and way more enjoyable.
GypsyRover 0
U r funny. ;-)
piccalo 4
Give money to go for a male Hooker like in that other FML
bri5083 9
Just buy her a vibrator..
sethwrightrugby 5
Haha
perdix 31
Put on a truss, then make her get on top and do all the work!