By ER Birthday - 19/9/2019 14:00

Unhappy Birthday

Today, I got home from the hospital. Yesterday was my birthday, and I got a piece of steak caught in my lower esophagus, resulting in a trip to the ER and an overnight stay so they could put me under and fish it out. I’m not allowed meat for a month while they find out what caused it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1346

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

Does it taste good?

DINOSAURS!!

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 27/4/2017 00:00 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, on a train to the airport the ticket inspector pointed out that my girlfriend and I hadn't activated our tickets. He suggested one of us get off and activate them at the next station. Now I'm on the moving train with all our luggage and she's waving from the platform with our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4609

You deserved it

452

Tweet

Share

By Whoneedsgradschool - 20/4/2017 20:00

Today, my parents gave me a letter they'd forgotten about since late last year. In it was a $30,000 scholarship to a local master's program with an application due date of two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7409

You deserved it

278

Tweet

Share

By maconda99 - 6/4/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

I agree, your life sucks

71809

You deserved it

5153

Tweet

Share

By whatdoesitmatter - 1/10/2013 10:47 - India - Erayu

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48000

You deserved it

11917

Tweet

Share

By Classicmen - 19/6/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36800

You deserved it

3580

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 11/6/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26760

You deserved it

2600

Tweet

Share

By emeraldapostle - 17/5/2019 01:59

Today, both a coworker of mine and my boss agreed that I fit the profile of a serial killer. I don't know what's worse, the fact that they think that low of me, or the fact that this isn't the first time someone's said I remind them of a serial killer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1632

You deserved it

234

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34808

You deserved it

2754

Tweet

Share

By brob56 - 23/4/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12797

You deserved it

82492

Tweet

Share

By - 1/2/2017 06:40 - United States - Bedford Hills

Today, my co-workers and I have to fight for our jobs because of a mistake our managers made. They get to keep their jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7117

You deserved it

366

Tweet

Share

By kbrider - 2/7/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47043

You deserved it

9140

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 23:00

Sharing is caring

Today, I found out my sister-in-law cheated on her husband. I also found out my uncle cheated on my aunt with my sister-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

90

Tweet

Share

By NoRingForMe - 18/7/2012 17:03 - United States - Stamford

Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26768

You deserved it

13996

Tweet

Share

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32301

You deserved it

2017

Tweet

Share

By brokeforever - 18/3/2015 22:23 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35476

You deserved it

12204

Tweet

Share

By PWI_addict - 3/1/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11200

You deserved it

35461

Tweet

Share

By CessnaPilot - 13/12/2011 03:47 - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26831

You deserved it

6375

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/1/2020 20:00 - Netherlands

Wedding dress

Today, I walked down the aisle when a bug flew into my mouth. In a response, I threw up on my beautiful white wedding dress. I had to party and be in the pictures in someones spare pink dress for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2114

You deserved it

232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/9/2017 20:00

Sashay away!

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3659

You deserved it

360

Tweet

Share

By dak-rod423 - 15/10/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32536

You deserved it

11663

Tweet

Share

By (-,..,-) - 24/7/2015 17:24 - France

Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing". The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26928

You deserved it

1701

Tweet

Share

By asdfjkl - 15/4/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, my boss friend-requested me on Facebook. My profile picture is of me licking his employee of the month picture for a dare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11802

You deserved it

52769

Tweet

Share

By Jennagirl - 12/10/2009 14:03 - Australia

Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42306

You deserved it

3625

Tweet

Share

By Insensitive - 14/11/2009 22:26 - Australia

Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28025

You deserved it

12232

Tweet

Share

By Theaccident - 22/1/2011 10:03 - Australia

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43849

You deserved it

3633

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 15:20 - United States

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19471

You deserved it

4237

Tweet

Share

By lindsaykay - 18/4/2012 00:07 - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43955

You deserved it

4082

Tweet

Share

By CaptainByron - 28/4/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4279

You deserved it

303

Tweet

Share

By WTFsalad - 18/2/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29804

You deserved it

2424

Tweet

Share

By youaresodumb - 27/9/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18333

You deserved it

34111

Tweet

Share

By Holland - 4/4/2019 12:00

Today, my check engine light came on. I took my car to the dealership, to be told it wasn’t an issue, and I would be fine to drive and use my car normally until my appointment in 4 days. Four hours later, my car won’t start 45 minutes from home. I guess a $200 tow bill means I wasn’t fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1926

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By Nic - 22/7/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14729

You deserved it

45562

Tweet

Share

By LukesSkyWalker - 22/6/2015 20:35 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24566

You deserved it

2998

Tweet

Share

By Lizofsmeg - 26/10/2009 16:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33254

You deserved it

2638

Tweet

Share

By myself - 20/9/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21354

You deserved it

31086

Tweet

Share

By FreakedOut - 31/7/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54949

You deserved it

2799

Tweet

Share

By scarredforlife - 16/6/2013 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54316

You deserved it

4989

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2015 21:28 - Italy - Genova

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26630

You deserved it

1705

Tweet

Share

By superman21 - 28/9/2014 22:55 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34182

You deserved it

6525

Tweet

Share

By CoA - 6/9/2016 11:40 - United States - Dekalb

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10939

You deserved it

2748

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By evilplatypus | 38

#7844836 - Thursday 19 September 2019 15:04

Ok, vegans and vegetarians annoy the hell out of me, but if you can’t refrain from meat for ONE MONTH, you might gave a problem.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7844885 - Thursday 19 September 2019 19:29

What kind of morons are you dealing with?

You need to cut your meat into smaller pieces and chew it a little bit. Case closed...next!!!

COMMENTS

By evilplatypus | 38

#7844836 - Thursday 19 September 2019 15:04

Ok, vegans and vegetarians annoy the hell out of me, but if you can’t refrain from meat for ONE MONTH, you might gave a problem.

Reply

Mathalamus | 24

#7844985 - Friday 20 September 2019 5:36

You do realize it's a substantial change in diet?

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7844990 - Friday 20 September 2019 6:01

If it’s so easy, then you do it.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7844882 - Thursday 19 September 2019 19:27

Looks like you got the gift of vegetarianism!

Hope you got the gift receipt because I'd take that shit back right away!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7844885 - Thursday 19 September 2019 19:29

What kind of morons are you dealing with?

You need to cut your meat into smaller pieces and chew it a little bit. Case closed...next!!!

Reply

guiltyschuldig49 | 11

#7844998 - Friday 20 September 2019 7:00

They said an allergic reaction possibly to meat caused my esophagus to swell and that’s why it got stuck. Cutting into smaller pieces won’t prevent that from happening again.

By guiltyschuldig49 | 11

#7844997 - Friday 20 September 2019 6:58

OP here! I should probably clarify that they said I had an allergic reaction to a meat that caused my esophagus to swell and that’s why the steak got stuck. Can’t eat meat while they figure out which one it was. Which sucks as I’m a seafood lover.