Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as a nursing student, I needed to take a blood sample from someone and the veins on his arms weren't really easy to draw blood from. I asked him, "Can I please look at your legs?" It turns out he was amputated. FML
Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML
Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a routine check-up. When the nurse took my blood pressure, I passed out, and fell off the table. FML
Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response, "Still missing". FML
Today, I got discharged from the hospital after a six day stay, minus half my kicking foot. Not a diabetic, no trauma, just got some chills and was found to have extensive bone infection. FML
Today, I serve at church and had a funeral. As I greeted the family, someone asked how I was doing. Without thought, I responded, "Good to be alive." FML
Today, while at the hospital recovering from surgery, I overheard my doctor tell one of the nurses I'm so fat I could start a grease fire if left near an open flame. They thought I was still unconscious. I wasn't. FML
Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML
Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML
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Top comments
dmoran20 27
Sounds like you walked right into that..
a1f0sff 25
The force of habit can be a bitch sometimes...
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Comments (78)
buckdharma 38
Wow op, you're a real comedian. You should try stand up.
charvisioku 22
I'm sorry but you clearly didn't mean it in that way, so they can't really bitch at you for it. Personally I think it's hilarious.
nycwrestler 17
Set her up with a job at IHOP
Satoaoi 13
oh my that's horrid
ulissey_fml 22
I'm prone to embarrassing collisions between my love of silly, faster-than-light,bang-on puns and reality, just like you. But I'm trying to kick the habit. (I had to look up "facepalm" in an English/French dictionary, this is what it says:" To bring the palm of one’s hand to one’s face as an expression of mixed humor and disbelief or disgust or shame, for example, when one is caught off-guard with a particularly bad pun. )
raesos91 26
wow op, way to break a leg :P ....god I suck at puns :l
coolboy675 16
Just don't tell her to break a leg if she's in the acting business. Who knows what might happen.
fatalwish 6
lmfao too funny
APersonalProblem 13
That is hilarious!!! I wish I was there.
outoftown 27
This is where a wink and grin helps, OP.