Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, I realised that my husband and I have gotten so fat that his already small dick no longer even reaches me. FML
Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML
Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks, "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
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Top comments
m15m 0
you call that bitch your wife???
koolitaliano 0
tell her she has small ****, ;)
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Comments (130)
FUDGELOVESME 0
haha your " tiny willy", that H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S
coltsluvr123 2
hahahahahaha #24
afatmonkey 0
Finally. Another Colts fan.
perdix 31
An easier trick would be to trim or shave your pubes. That way, your wife won't confuse your dick with one of the longer "short and curlies." Glad to help.
ohSNAPyall 27
I'm sure OP is happy to learn from your experience.
perdix 31
Ouch, feeling the burn! Razor burn, that is ;)
AlcaSMT 0
Blashemy! Don't listen to them! Your large stomach and miniscule penetrator actually turn her on. Continue living your good life with your good lifestyle, good sir.
XLoVePuRpLex 0
Time to hit the gym.
iEjaculateCandy 0
I am a total ****
KingTaco 0
LOOOOL. Bucket ******?
PurpleSquirrel 0
Today, as I was watching my husband undress I noticed he is getting a beer belly which makes his tiny willy look even tinier. FML
pepperandroses 0
YDI for being a limey Brit.
Epicf4ilGuy 0
Well old chap thou shall not post this on FML for it is to gay. lmfao jk
BboyFlippa 0
don't drink beer!!!!!
jason2468 0
OP quit bitchin and enlarge wuss