Intimacy: Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned...

By justagirl - 02/12/2014 05:40 - United States - Roseville

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 802

You deserved it 5 857

Intimacy

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mama's boy

Great start to the day

By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 06:29 - United States - Du Bois

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 482

You deserved it 2 602

Let's go for a walk

By jonloran - 14/08/2015 09:08 - United States - Incline Village

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 748

You deserved it 2 269

By MrCanoe - 01/03/2009 21:58 - Canada

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 064

You deserved it 299 487

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 11:54 - Australia

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 127

You deserved it 8 593

By hellostupid - 28/03/2013 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 907

You deserved it 4 794

By Anonymous - 16/01/2012 20:02 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 001

You deserved it 4 200

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 16:23 - United States - Albany

Today, discovered that all the viruses I have gotten on my computer at work haven't been from anything I've done, but because my boss has secretly been using it after hours to download or watch porn so he wouldn't risk getting a virus on his own computer. I've lost 3 major projects due to this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 972

You deserved it 898

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 20:00

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 415

By Titanic - 07/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, the girl I've been hitting on for months on MSN and that I'm about to meet told me "I know you are in love, and you know I'm not". Erm, no, I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 928

You deserved it 5 110

By i hit a cyclist - 27/05/2013 11:19 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 014

You deserved it 25 582

By emily - 30/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 989

You deserved it 4 301

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 536

You deserved it 9 312

This is us

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 19:59

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 407

By neighbor - 26/01/2014 13:08 - Australia - Mosman

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 823

You deserved it 4 001

By fmlxxxx - 23/09/2009 13:15 - New Zealand

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 126

You deserved it 41 976

By stupidgirl - 30/09/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 354

You deserved it 14 139

By Marc - 03/03/2015 02:03 - Hong Kong - Tsuen Wan

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 993

You deserved it 4 302

By SkeetinKeaton - 05/06/2013 15:24 - United States

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 964

You deserved it 14 480

Everyday racism

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 20:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused, "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 407

You deserved it 3 370

By Rman - 02/11/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 561

You deserved it 41 872

By tandc - 01/05/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, in a rush to squeeze out of a particularly tight parking spot, I made a hurried 12-point turn. Just to make sure I had enough room behind, I hopped out of my car. It was still in reverse. I managed to wreck my own car without even sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 351

You deserved it 27 870

By embarrassed - 01/06/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 483

You deserved it 64 680

By Anonymous - 25/09/2018 07:00 - United States - Conroe

Today, I'm recovering from a bad motorcycle crash that could have cost me my life. A truck pulled out in front of me while going 60. Luckily I only have a broken arm and a fractured sternum. I was just notified by my attorney that the guy at fault has no insurance or assets to his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 422

You deserved it 222

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 16:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 229

You deserved it 6 236

By Ctmusher - 14/04/2017 16:00

Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 922

You deserved it 398

By "burnuptowndow" - 30/09/2017 01:30

Today, we got a new boss. This would have been great if he knew how to do his job. I've spent the last week training a guy who hits on co-workers and gets paid twice as much as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 634

You deserved it 211

By heckaza - 19/01/2016 06:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 577

You deserved it 1 904

By failure as a parent - 11/05/2013 21:19 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 349

You deserved it 6 271

By kenneth - 31/08/2018 01:30

Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 643

You deserved it 1 555

By wow. - 06/05/2009 20:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my driving instructor's car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 872

You deserved it 3 707

By paulwatson93 - 17/05/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 340

You deserved it 51 660

By what - 25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 805

You deserved it 8 799

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Bronx

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 415

You deserved it 5 000

By Theo - 18/12/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 813

You deserved it 2 215

By T___T - 12/09/2015 01:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 330

You deserved it 2 284

Catch 22

By xen - 20/12/2020 11:02

Today, while in a crowded store, someone tore my mask off my face and ran away. Then before I could run after them, I got stopped and screamed at for not wearing a mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 59

By pencilring - 04/09/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 650

You deserved it 14 284

By Foolish - 18/07/2016 06:51 - United States - Los Altos

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend one last chance at fixing our failing relationship. Instead of talking about how to fix our dying relationship, he decided to game all day and ignore me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 194

You deserved it 1 888

By dude, where's my balls? :( - 22/12/2012 20:25 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 399

You deserved it 3 382

By FuckMyEyes - 26/12/2012 01:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of brain bleach for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 659

You deserved it 8 217

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Top comments

illinoiscentral 16

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:05

Being possessive isn't good at all. Double standards aren't cool either

movaa 11

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:08

he mentions sleeping with another woman AND hes a sexist asshole. Yeah... RUN

m22100 14

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:03

And let the feminist attacks begin.

HarshD9619 34

Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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OnceUponABear 16

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:04

Only sometimes. Some take it a little too far.

stevenN659 24

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:06

Possessive yes, but Id say he is more inclined to sleep around.

kshawtaybayblade 4

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Harpy20 24

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Wednesday 3 December 2014 11:57

6, I had an ex like that. Did the same as OP's guy and he eventually did start cheating and his excuse was some bullshit about how men are supposed to "spread their seed" and how women are supposed to be monogamous. Tool.

FabiusSpeck 3

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:09

Why you call someone tool when you're clearly being the ignorant? Look up some human biology then come back.

Jessie_bean_ 4

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Friday 13 February 2015 21:20

She was probably calling him a tool because she was pissed about the double standard? And yeah you're right but society also dictates how our relationships are aswell. Also I don't think many women want someone with that little self control...

illinoiscentral 16

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:05

Being possessive isn't good at all. Double standards aren't cool either

Rulerray97 25

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 19:54

I'd just like to say that being possessive isn't necessarily bad. My girlfriend likes that I'm possessive. So what if I don't wanna share her? Buuuttt in this case it's very hypocritical of him.

illinoiscentral 16

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Wednesday 3 December 2014 21:27

I don't know, man. Your girlfriend might like it, maybe it flatters her, but similarly some people are flattered by their partner's jealousy or machismo. Not good things. Now on the other hand, if you mean commitment, loyalty? That's all good! Being possessive? Not good. You're not entitled to an another person. If your girlfriend decided to break up with you, what would you do, since you're, as you say, possessive? Would you just unilaterally take possession of her, claim you own her or something? I don't think so, that's pretty psycho.

m22100 14

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:07

Wth. I posted the same thing for #1 and it got deleted.

MrConcise 34

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:08

Remind him your vagina is a privilege, he can buy a fleshlight if he wants to wonder what other girls feel like. Or, he can not be an insecure cunt and you both can wonder about other people. Genius!

Hasselhoffart 15

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 20:30

Check your vagina privilege CIS scum

movaa 11

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:08

he mentions sleeping with another woman AND hes a sexist asshole. Yeah... RUN

kshawtaybayblade 4

Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:08

OP I am guessing that he was being sarcastic because the way you wrote it it sounded that way. Don't be so butt hurt OP.

movaa 11

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:13

I don't know about anyone else but if my boyfriend / husband was talking about sleeping with other people even in a "sarcastic" way, I would be "butt hurt " too.