Miscellaneous: Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/01/2012 23:33 - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 799

You deserved it 5 437

Best teeth in the game

Hiding from the drama

Unreasonable

By misTreated - 30/05/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 921

You deserved it 5 540

By pennyhater - 07/10/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I am the RA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 296

You deserved it 5 001

Timing

By Anonymous - 12/09/2015 06:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 463

You deserved it 3 444

By tigger2013 - 03/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Spicy

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 735

You deserved it 5 651

By dfhgblsf - 05/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 419

You deserved it 36 516

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 20:50 - United States - Winsted

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting 3 hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 964

You deserved it 17 811

By Marona - 16/04/2015 07:59 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, after a discussion, my boyfriend said, "I think it's time you found somebody better." After I gave him a look, he continued, "For me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 996

You deserved it 2 773

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 342

You deserved it 1 887

By Solemnwishing - 13/07/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 577

You deserved it 22 418

By Poem - 19/12/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, my only response was "you may want to use a spellcheck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 006

You deserved it 26 209

Hi Molly

By bellaellaella - 22/09/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, after months of enduring my neighbor's relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 244

You deserved it 4 013

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 19:21 - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 850

You deserved it 5 516

By awwshit - 13/10/2009 14:13 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 718

You deserved it 34 947

Dumbass idea

By Caeru - 21/06/2011 07:08 - United States

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 106

You deserved it 3 591

By customerservicesucks - 26/05/2010 04:26 - Canada

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with a woman who was yelling at the top of her lungs, sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. She also told me if she had a heart attack and died from crying, it was all my fault. Why? I told her she needed her receipt to have her T.V. repaired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 935

You deserved it 3 003

By DeniedAgain - 29/06/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station and saw some $.25 gum. It looked good and I thought I'd had a quarter in my pocket. I find no change in my pocket once I get to the register, so I pull out my credit card. The cashier laughs a few seconds later. My card was declined for a piece of gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 217

You deserved it 15 484

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 59 834

By omg - 25/03/2011 00:43 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 533

You deserved it 8 687

By Oblivious - 08/05/2009 19:39 - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 688

You deserved it 16 189

Deal or no Deal

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 1 934

By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - 27/06/2015 05:48 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 196

You deserved it 1 935

By kierstin - 19/10/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 403

You deserved it 6 839

True Love

By Marriedtoajew - 03/01/2018 19:00

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 821

You deserved it 409

By lovinglife - 24/12/2011 12:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrapped my boyfriend's Christmas presents for him, because he was too lazy to do it himself. This included my own present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 507

You deserved it 6 328

Weird kid

By maria lucia - 05/04/2021 21:30

Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 169

Damn Luke

By So not a Luke - 11/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, a very large guy came up and asked if I was Luke. Before I could explain that Luke’s my cousin and that we do look like twins, he picked me up off the ground and hung me by my belt loops from a metal fence, telling me to stay away from his aunt. I had to undo my pants in public to climb down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 95

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 531

You deserved it 45 199

By LeftOut - 13/04/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 492

You deserved it 4 829

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 00:01

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 411

Contact tracing

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 227

By ITalkGood - 28/12/2009 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 9 988

Dad jokes, part 43884

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 14:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 269

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 307

You deserved it 2 548

By IHaveTwoOwies - 06/10/2017 13:00

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 014

You deserved it 371

By stitchesupmyass - 01/11/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 625

You deserved it 4 661

By cantgetabreak - 13/12/2016 18:50

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not finishing my work on time. Yesterday, she cut an hour from my schedule every day until further notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 999

You deserved it 541

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 22:31 - United States - Malden

Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 113

You deserved it 1 347

By organizse - 20/06/2015 14:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 586

You deserved it 2 804

By "syd_the_kidd_9707" - 25/02/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 15:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 861

You deserved it 6 011

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:47

Consider it easy access

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:49

Don't worry, having holes in your pants is "cool"!! I'm sure all the old men in the store appreciated your fashion sense.

Comments

harshpatel009 4

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:47

That suks dude, fyl

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:48

It just wanted to say hi

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:51

I love your pic!

freakinglaugher 10

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Saturday 21 January 2012 2:21

Sounds like the beginning of a porno.

BarDownDaily 12

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Saturday 21 January 2012 2:27

Stop buying pants at Walmart

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Saturday 21 January 2012 2:35

Crotchless pants FTW! Just don't sit anywhere if you go commando.

ManlyDunsparce 3

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Saturday 21 January 2012 2:39

Hey OP... Your snatch is showing.

ilikeapplejuice 7

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Saturday 21 January 2012 2:39

Better than a camel toe

GovernorGeneral 8

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Saturday 21 January 2012 2:49

Shopping...so just buy yourself a new pair of pants -.-

ImInYourFACEbook 8

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Saturday 21 January 2012 3:14

45- Gasp! Shopping? At a mall?! What is this sorcery?!

HahaHokayThen 10

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Saturday 21 January 2012 3:42

Considering you're at a mall, new pants are an easy fix

ClassyCommando 13

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Saturday 21 January 2012 4:13

It doesn't say anything about a mall.

Acousticpixie14 6

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Saturday 21 January 2012 5:13

Why are you wearing hole-y pants? That is so 2006... And what the hell were you doing to rip a hole in the crotch?

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Saturday 21 January 2012 6:34

you have nice tits

MsMindblowing 0

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Saturday 21 January 2012 8:10

um what does FTW mean..?

hotPinklipstick 24

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Saturday 21 January 2012 9:55

77- Fuck the women.

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Saturday 21 January 2012 10:43

Where's desireev when you need her...

afunnyterdcody 5

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Saturday 21 January 2012 15:32

For some reason your picture freaks me out

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:47

Consider it easy access

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:50

Well you shouldn't have been crying like one

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:56

I've been in OP's same exact situation so many times. I just keep walkin though, it's not like anyone can see it if it's in the crotch area.

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Saturday 21 January 2012 2:41

8- missed it by this much.

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Saturday 21 January 2012 4:25

I tore my zipper apart from my pants. But then I lost weight and ghettoly shoe stringed the two sides of the pants together. When my friends asked why I still kept em. I said "easy access" lol

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Saturday 21 January 2012 4:43

It's like a fly for lazy people!

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Saturday 21 January 2012 5:56

I consider it a vent for a nice cool breeze.

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:48

Kinky.

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Saturday 21 January 2012 7:31

Yikes, sorry OP - that's embarrassing! Even if someone saw they'd forget about it completely in a few minutes so don't be too upset about it.

AddeU 0

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Saturday 21 January 2012 11:42

You must be crack in my balls man. What a rip-off.

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:49

Don't worry, having holes in your pants is "cool"!! I'm sure all the old men in the store appreciated your fashion sense.

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Saturday 21 January 2012 11:56

What im wondering how the pants decided this...

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2

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Thursday 26 January 2012 3:01

The pants can decide to do whatever the fuck they want to.

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Wednesday 15 May 2013 1:04

'tis disturbin

Icejza_DaChilla 7

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:49

Maybe they should have been replaced after the first or second hole?

ClassyCommando 13

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Saturday 21 January 2012 2:13

Wow, OP tore those pants a new one!

L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:50

Well, that's awkward.

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Saturday 21 January 2012 9:10

Is that alcohol in your hand young woman?? Crazy aussies.

L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18

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Saturday 21 January 2012 12:18

Ew, NO! I'm only 14, I don't plan on drinking any time soon. It's an old style cherry soda! I would never, ever, EVER drink alcohol at this age.

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:53

Easy access/extra ventilation!

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Sunday 22 January 2012 18:26

Yea op, think positive!

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:55

Well the holes do make it weaker, who else has this happen to them?

TalkingTowelTim 0

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:55

Go to the little Asian dry cleaner and let them patch it

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Saturday 21 January 2012 1:57

Happened to me when I leaned down to tie my shoe:)

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 49

Spicy

Spicy

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 13

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 179