are you serious? she went to the doctor for advice, he asked her to tell him how it feels when she has sex then he told her this

Thank you #28 :) there's more details in my comment #24 vvv

Sorry, not into douchebags.

Some ice with that burn?

You sound like a creep tbh

#75 most origional comment ever. It wasn't even a burn, I was just being a bitch to a sad joke of a human. why do these comments get thumbs up?

That's unfortunate OP.

I think I need to go to the doctors. I've had the same problem - we've been active 4 years, tried everything. Builds, going well, them discomfort and pain. I thought I just couldn't ****** and it was getting sore, I didn't realise this is a distinct medical issue. On a more constructive note OP, it's great he's been understanding and tried things to help you. It really does suck, but from experience I can say that if you can find other ways to make sex more fun then you can have a fullfilling sex life with your partner. There'll be less stress on you both now to make it happen, and hopefully you can focus more on enjoying the buildup and realising when you need to stop before the ****** happens, so you can continue to enjoy - and the build-up and relax cycle can be good in itself :)

wow kjrowling, you're the first person I've found anywhere who can relate. I've searched the Internet for months and the closest thing I've found is women complaining because their orgasms don't feel "as powerful anymore". pfft. I was starting to think I was the only one on earth tbh

I didn't even think it was a 'thing'. My body is generally weird. And after several issues I've had where the doctor has no idea I didn't see the point in going. Personally, I like the intimacy and closeness my partner and I have, and as I've come to enjoy that side more we've done things to enhance it (snuggle sex is an awesome thing). We still do the stuff that gets me close, but communication so he stops before that tipping point means it's not ruined.

I didn't know it was a thing either. my doctor is baffled. i need to find a specialist. I love the intimacy as well. I'm going to have to learn to drag the pleasure out more because I struggle to not let go since every time I get close I think "ok It feels like it's gonna finally happen this time!" and then it feels as bad as always. thank you so much for the advice :)

Hope things get better. And thank you for posting this, you've made me feel a lot better about things :)

Holy crap...I think I have the same issue. Granted, I've ******'d once or twice where it felt great, but 95% of the time it goes well, then just...eh. Frustration and blehness. Do either of you have a history of anxiety? That's where I've always assumed my problems stemmed from.

OP, I don't suffer from this myself but I got curious and googled it and found something called sexual anhedonia. Perhaps that's what you might have?

That's how I am with clitoral stimulation. It just becomes unpleasant. Internal however, after time and practice with the same man I've been able occasionally to have them internally and don't have the pain or sensitivity, just fun. So maybe you can eventually have them internally and enjoy it :)

I enjoy vaginal stimulation, but even trying lots of different things there's none of the 'build up'. It feels good, but goes nowhere. Sexual anhedonia sounds like there's just nothing, as opposed to it hurting - and it can really hurt sometimes. You may be onto something though tralala... but your bleh-ness sounds about right for that though setsuna? Omg, Op you've started something here!

According to Wikipedia you can feel the effects of the ******, but not pleasure, which sounds like what you/OP have? Maybe if you have no pleasure you instead feel pain. Could be wrong of course, but I thought it was something worth looking into.

That is a good point. Reading different meaning into the same thing can be annoying :S It is a very good point, and really bears thinking about. Thank you, I hope I didn't come across as if I was being bitchy, you are definitely on to something.

You didn't sound bitchy at all. :)

oh geez... this all sounds disturbingly like what I go through. I've only been sexually active (and married) for four months, however.

At least you have a great boyfriend like that, I would say go to an expert and see if they know a solution to this. Good luck!

Wow, and here I was thinking I was the only one! Sounds eerily similar to my problem. Did the doctor give you the name of the condition, OP?

Could you have any latent or subconscious guilt about sex? Like from a conservative upbringing or something? It may help to just "fake it till you make it" so your body learns to connect pleasure with sex.

Me too, it's so nice to finally know I'm not alone in this :/

wow everyone thank you so much for all the support! why did #47 get thumbed down?! I sure do have a history with anxiety. not a very big history but I must say when we first became sexually active I did feel a lot of guilt from my upbringing. now I'm over all that and just keen to enjoy it but no matter how much I let go or go crazy or whatever, my orgasms are still awkward and sad.

My doctor didn't know. She just said "try different things" which is very unhelpful.

In all seriousness, have you thought about trying anal sex?

I didn't even know this was an actual thing but I think I may also have a similar problem. It's so painful which ends up becoming mentally exhausting. I think I may look into this now. Thank you for posting this op, I think you may have helped me out!

With all due respect, although the doctor was probably out of ideas, "Try different things" is really all you've got left, unless you stumble on some medicinal or psychological answer. Experimentation is probably all you're going to be able to do to find something which works for you. Mind you, I have no idea what I'm talking about, just logic-ing through it.

Keep trying ull find something. Honestly mine use to be the same I thought I couldn't cum bc I would become extremely over sensitive really quickly and it got to the point it hurt and I had to stop and was left frustrated as hell. First ****** I was on top setting the pace. From there I learned 4 speed electric vibrator best thing my ex husband ever got me starts slow can build as I like or dis like. ( the one with the ball in the end just for the clit) no penetration. Anyways keep trying diff stuff. I still can't have sex for long periods at a time Love sex tho quickies and lots and lots of them.

Yup yup... I know the pain. You're definitely not alone, OP.

Probably not applicable to most, but if any of you ladies have period symptoms like severe abdominal pain, bleeding that goes on a lot longer than normal, other pains when menstruating, you should have a quick Google of endometriosis - sex and/or orgasms being painful can be a symptom.

I am in the same boat as well. I've never been to a doctor about it, but it feels exactly like you've described! I enjoy up until a point (and almost always before that point I think yes, this time it's going to happen) but then it doesn't and it just gets uncomfortable. Sex still feels really good though, so I can definitely enjoy it in other ways, but I've never known another person to have this sort of feeling!

This is crazy, I can't believe so many people have the same problem! why isn't there information on this on the Internet? all I can find is things about people who can't reach ****** at all. I'm fine reaching it once I get started, it's just not enjoyable at all

I've only had one partner, for about a year, and I experienced something sort of similar? Orgasms on my own are fine, no problem, but orgasms during intercourse were really awful. The whole experience was terrible for a long time, but after a few months it didn't hurt quite as badly. At first I chalked it up to being inexperienced (both of us) but that's hard to hold onto after a year, lol. Orgasming with him in me was a large part of it. Not exactly the same situation, but maybe you can notice a trend like that. ): Being in pain is a terrible thing when you can't fix it.

Have you tried numbing gels at all? They sell them for men who need help with lasting longer. Maybe if you tried using them on your ********, it might help numb things enough to not cause pain? Admittedly, I'm just throwing things out there to try to help so I don't know of it will work but I figure I'd suggest it, just in case :)

I think if it was numb I'd find it very hard to get to the point of ******, as I find it hard to get turned on at all. I'll try it though :)

In this one book I've read, the author distinguished anorgasmic people, who couldn't ****** at all, and what she called null orgasms -- physical ******, but no pleasure or "mental ******" to accompany it. I myself had no problems at all, owned various toys, liked it a lot... Then one day I was playing with myself and when I thought I was about to come, I suddenly just felt these uncomfortable muscle contractions and was left with a real miserable feeling that just came out of nowhere. Now that was about 6 months into my severe depression (undiagnosed at the time). I was surprised and a bit freaked for a while, then I just thought it would come back by itself. 2 months after that I got my depression diagnosis and I started medication, it fit me well, after another couple months I felt much much better. But my ability to fully ****** has never come back. After my depression subsided, I've masturbated almost every day, partially just out of habit, but after 3-4 months of these terrible null orgasms I was fed up and stopped. I still become aroused, but whenever I take it to the end, I'm just feeling frustrated, fed up and discouraged. Now I'm trying to make peace with the fact that 1. Whenever I mention this, most people will definitely NOT understand even if I explained and 2. No doctors known to me can offer any real insight into this issue.

Fun fact, this lack of pleasure is not a female-only condition. Even funner fact, you can still have a functioning sex drive. Combine them for misery, yay! Actually, I think I'll contribute an FML now.

wow illinoiscentral thank you for sharing that. You're so right; so many people refuse to understand. There's way too many comments saying "you're doing it wrong" or "that's not an ******. that's not what they feel like" and I'm thinking just because your orgasms are perfect doesn't mean you're a sexpert who knows everything about how I work. I'm not naive, I know how it's supposed to feel and I know there's something wrong and it isn't my fault. from a lot of the advice here I'm starting to feel like it's definitely a psychological issue. I'm going to consider going to a therapist in the future (when I have money and I've moved in with my boyfriend since atm we rarely get the chance to have sex anyway)

That's another thing I forgot to mention... I do squirt. often from clitoral or international stimulation, it happens all the time, like when it starts to feel intense my muscles suddenly become really tight and then it comes out. It still doesn't feel pleasurable or even like a release though. That's just further proof that I've been having orgasms

I sincerely hope it works for you! If not, just chalk it up as a fun experiment and move on to the net thing :)

Have you seen a gynecologist? Or specialist. I know there's a surgery to remove the hymen that some people get, so maybe you need something similar?

Sounds like a similar problem I have. Orgasms during sex don't happen, or are just awkward feeling. But I can have orgasms just fine while masturbating. Is there a name for this problem?

to everyone with the same issues I'm not sure if you'll find this at all helpful but I thought I should let you know. my problem is definitely psychological. I guess I have just gotten far too used to the idea that my orgasms aren't going to feel good so I cannot fully relax and enjoy it, so the real ****** never happens. I know this because yesterday I went to my last resort. my boyfriend and I smoked weed and then tried oral on me. and I'm not proud of this but... well, it worked. When I came to the point where it would usually become too sensitive and unpleasant, I was too relaxed to even think about what was happening and instead of it hurting the good feeling kept going until my body went all crazy. It was just really strange. i know it was an ******. I don't know what to do with this information but I know there is hope. whether it means smoking weed again (which I don't really want to do for other reasons) to try learn to ****** without it, or seeking psychological help to work through the issues which keep me from relaxing I know there is hope. I hope you may have found this helpful.

Most useful doctor of the year right there...

And i mean that to when you said the doc told you to try different things, not when you gave the mass explanation summary. I didn't see the summary at the bottom. I'm sorry. ;~;

I have a similar problem too. Until I stumbled on a tutorial video on Orgasmic Meditation (OM). it's basically a technique that helps woman restore their sex drive as well as being able to have good ******. I would suggest trying this out. I hope it helps. :)

Hey guys, well gals.. I am no expert, but what I do know is that an ****** beside it's physical reactions is actually just hormones being pumped into your brain creating the good feelings involved with an ******. After an ****** there's another hormone released ( at least with men) which I can't exactly remember it's name but it's known to cause a depressed feeling. Especially if you are feeling guilty. I would recommend talking to a doctor that can specialize in hormonal studies, there could literally be a pill or supplement to take and it might help. Just my 2 cents, I actually find this to be a horrible thing to have and can only imagine the stress involved.. Good luck!

Yeah it's not that weird. I do the same thing. Sex still feels nice but getting too worked up hurts so we just skip me and do him.

Nothing to look forward to? Why about intimacy with someone you love? What about the pleasure up to that point?