Work: Today, while I selling merch at a festival, a volunteer lost...

By grosstoenail - Canada - Courtice

Today, while I selling merch at a festival, a volunteer lost her toenail. Not only did she immediately show me, but she then took a picture and showed everyone coming up to my station. I lost sales because she wouldn't leave. FML

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Work

Late term

Grow up

Fake News

By Smokey

Today, I found out that my neighbours are mad at me because I smoke. I don't smoke on the balcony, I walk away from the apartment complex so that they won't be affected by my bad habit. They're still mad at me because they can still see me. Didn't know that you could smell with your eyes. FML

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By ParkerRommel - United States

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

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By StantheMan93 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

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By ali grace - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

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By Anonymous

#notyourmaid

Today, at work, someone shat outside the bathroom door. Not outside the stall, but in the actual hallway. Guess who got fired for refusing to clean it up! I’m a cashier at a tool supply company and the only female employee. Four dudes refused before I did. FML

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By oops... - Canada - Sylvan Lake

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

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By finalfantasy - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

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By hiker - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

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By Blank - United States

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

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By lsta - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

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By rxcrs3 - United States

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

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By microlovin - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

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By browniepoints - United States

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

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By Cereal_mistress - United States - Sonoma

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

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By bitchsawmebuyit - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

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By virginmary - Reserved

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

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By _Tatyana_ - United States - Gettysburg

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Canton

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

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By paid to scoop ice cream not nana-sit - United States - Fall River

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

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By siikman313 - United States

Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML

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By anonymiss - Canada

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

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By seizuregirl17 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

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By ironic driver - United States

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

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By Haggis300 - Australia

Today, my best friend went to my boss and offered to do my job for half the pay. FML

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By nottoosmall - United States

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Dorado Hills

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

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By Jealousbitch - United States - Mulberry

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

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By Sir Davos of Shit Creek - Canada - Frankford

Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML

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By TrainedBF - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

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By usadisvet - United States - Loudon

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

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By P057M4N - 1/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Raleigh

One law for me…

Today, my co-worker called out for the sixth time in 2 weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had 0 repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking 5 minutes in the bathroom. FML

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By a - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2020 02:00

Better out than in

Today, I had the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my lower right abdomen. I was doubled over and vomiting it hurt so bad. After going to the E.R., thinking it was my appendix and getting checked in, I let out the biggest most rancid fart in my life and the pain immediately went away. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

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By hannamacintosh - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML

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Top comments

By ashyville | 9

#6649133 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 12:02

Shoulda called her a toetruck....

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6649153 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 12:48

Should have just asked them to leave your stall or not show it around because it's not appropriate.. YDI for not speaking up.

COMMENTS

By ashyville | 9

#6649133 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 12:02

Shoulda called her a toetruck....

By AlysoninAlaska | 19

#6649138 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 12:06

Priorities, toenails are important. Missing ones are even more important. On a more serious note, sorry you missed out on sales OP. Better luck next time.

_Adog2645 | 24

#6649945 - Thursday 14 July 2016 17:41

What?

By kristergirl | 13

#6649150 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 12:45

How do you TOElerate that???

_Adog2645 | 24

#6649947 - Thursday 14 July 2016 17:45

That pun was untoerable

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6649153 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 12:48

Should have just asked them to leave your stall or not show it around because it's not appropriate.. YDI for not speaking up.

JustTheTruth42 | 13

#6649397 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 21:08

No where does is say op didn't say anything. It does say that the woman refuse to leave.

dizzyspanks | 7

#6651301 - Saturday 16 July 2016 20:00

it doesn't say anywhere she "refused" to leave. it just says she wouldn't leave

By zzarfazas | 2

#6649164 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 13:22

How do some people's parents fail so hard at teaching them etiquette?

RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6649211 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 15:17

It might be less of a "their parents faild to teach them etiquette" and more of a "this person has a social disibility" (like aspergers) and they just didn't realize.

50ShadesofSavage | 7

#6649396 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 21:07

Shut up #9

ImTheAlpha | 30

#6649578 - Thursday 14 July 2016 4:02

I am autistic and have lost several toenails, not once did it occur to me to show random strangers my lost toenail. I'm pretty sure even we realize that's totally grody.

By almost_there44 | 26

#6649199 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 14:55

Would it have been too hard to simply ask her to keep it moving? If you didn't have the backbone to tell this girl to get the fuck out of your way, YDI.