Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML
Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML
Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML
Today, while my husband and I were cleaning out a closet, he went outside to throw out some trash. He was taking a long time to return and I went to make sure he was OK. He was in the living room watching TV instead of helping me. FML
Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, we are having work done and our chimney breast has a hole where a brick is missing. Well, my husband thought it would be funny to rig up some realistic spider leg things that would poke out of the hole next to my face. I had to wash the sofa cushion because I pissed myself from fright. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
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Top comments
kyliebear 15
i could never see myself staying with someone like him..
almariee 2
that is so disgusting.... eww I would've made him clean the shit up
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Comments (101)
CiaranPM 0
Good man.
emilo_fml 0
DISTURBING!!
muchagente 5
am i the only one wondering about the diversity of possible items expressed by "whatever he finds"?
hagetgood 3
Secretly put it in his food
littlejx_fml 7
Yummy.
littlejx_fml 7
Yummy.
xXSecondSunXx 3
I feel like throwing up now :S Damn nasty!
skyeblue82 5
that's sick!
lmaoatall 6
Tape a mouse trap under there. One snap and he will think twice about picking and sticking!
lmaoatall 6
Why would I want to communicate with ops husband? I don't know him! Why are you taking comments seriously? Have you ever thought about not being so uptight? Now go tongue punch a fart box!
HomelessMuslim 0
Next for dinner....Boogerloaf.
FarSide 23
We call it 'meatloaf" at my house.