Kids: Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put arrows on the bottom of the page to tell me there's work on the back, I check it anyway. At the end of the day, at least 6 kids came up to me asking to change their grade because I forgot to grade the back. They hadn't put arrows. FML

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Serious times

BO Central

My little boy

By me - United States

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Port Townsend

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

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By Embarassed - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

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By unpatriotic - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

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By icareaboutmyhair - Estonia

Today, I discovered I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googled the possible reasons and those are depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

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By now what - Canada

Today, I got laid off. I abandoned my friends, my boyfriend and moved 10 hours away for this job because my uncle convinced me to. My uncle is my employer. FML

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By Screwed - United States

Today, I went to see my guidance counselor. I was supposed to hear from my college about a scholarship by October 3rd. I was worried since it was already the 2nd so I went to talk to her. She never turned in my nomination. Goodbye $80,000 scholarship. FML

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By buckley456 - United States - Glenolden

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

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By Eddie - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

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By dad, please - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML

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By ouchies - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

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By TheGirl - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

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By lene - 11/3/2021 04:57

Management balls-up

Today, I was fired for not completing the required computer training, which no one told me about. I was told that it's my responsibility to check it every week. It would have been nice if a single one of my supervisors had given me any indication whatsoever that this was the case. FML

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By cavgirl - United States

Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML

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By just trying to be nice - United States - Tucson

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

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By Ugly - Netherlands

Tough Love

Today, during a conversation with my in-laws, I opened up about my insecurities concerning my looks. My mother-in-law responded, "But you're not beautiful." She then repeated it. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 23:01

Like the beginning of a porno

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

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By Jeff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

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By hopelesscollegestudent - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

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By Stef

Today, as I was about to go to bed, the lid came off a brand new bottle of laundry detergent and it toppled down my carpeted basement steps. 3 hours, 2 dozen microfiber cloths, and a bucket of water later and my steps are still full of suds. I went to bed at 3 am and my 10 week old was up at 4 am. FML

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By hjgjh - United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

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By milkndstufff - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

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By JerseyGirl - United States

Today, I went out to my car to run some errands. It wouldn't start. I called AAA, only to find out my battery wasn't dead, it was stolen. FML

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By mags - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

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By Just_do_it_17 - United States

Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML

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By AliKate

Today, my father has finally started to focus on his health to reduce his weight and cholesterol. He has also decided that I'll do it with him. Now, he won't let me eat unless he's there to watch me. He leaves at 7 a.m. and doesn't come home until 9. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

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By Trama1201 - United States - Boston

My short hair!

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML

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By Anonymous

With any luck, it'll be canceled

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

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By NotDrunk - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

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Top comments

By mikeike518 | 0

#2148924 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:43

Well you failed hard. Student Win!

By TanyaTwoTits | 0

#2148922 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:43

Seriously.

COMMENTS

By TanyaTwoTits | 0

#2148922 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:43

Seriously.

Reply

bluebell707 | 13

#2149028 - Friday 4 March 2011 9:24

i dont get it /:

Reply

deaper | 15

#2149457 - Friday 4 March 2011 15:31

Nor do I.

Reply

SocialAmethyst | 20

#6675677 - Sunday 21 August 2016 17:01

Autism has become an epidemic.

By mikeike518 | 0

#2148924 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:43

Well you failed hard. Student Win!

By kingedoftheworld | 0

#2148925 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:43

teachers like you should get fired

Reply

scottovious | 0

#2148975 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:49

Out of a Cannon!

Reply

scottovious | 0

#2149001 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:59

But being fired out of a cannon would be so cool!

Reply

zinoxity | 23

#2149032 - Friday 4 March 2011 9:30

24 - It's been done, but no one has survived.

Reply

creamcheese724 | 0

#2149080 - Friday 4 March 2011 10:23

it's not that she didn't see the arrows...she told her students not to use them and then never checked. she's a retard

Reply

dinkibus | 18

#2955245 - Saturday 23 July 2011 3:26

that should be shot out of a cannon

By Thanatos1206 | 0

#2148929 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:43

Way to be a HERP DERP!!

Reply

i_love_grrr | 0

#2148942 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:45

?? lol

Reply

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2148998 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:56

Someone will get it.

Reply

i_love_grrr | 0

#2148999 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:57

what's herp derp people? lol

Reply

i_love_grrr | 0

#2149003 - Friday 4 March 2011 9:00

never mind. urban dictionary told me plenty lol

Reply

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2149005 - Friday 4 March 2011 9:01

Haha very good use of teh interwebz

Reply

i_love_grrr | 0

#2149008 - Friday 4 March 2011 9:03

ha thanks lol

Reply

zinoxity | 23

#2149037 - Friday 4 March 2011 9:34

Haha, aaaaawwwwww yeeeaaaaaaah

Reply

ktdad07 | 0

#2149100 - Friday 4 March 2011 11:01

I hope I didn't need any of those brain cells I just lost from reading this shit.

Reply

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2150374 - Friday 4 March 2011 23:04

44 if you lose brain cells from reading something you've got some major problems down the road.

By ameliabeth09 | 0

#2148950 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:45

Haha fail...

By maliceinwonderla_fml | 0

#2148958 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:46

Good job, American education system! Hired another good one!

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2149135 - Friday 4 March 2011 11:49

Mistakes; part of the human condition.

Reply

sarawwh | 0

#2151659 - Saturday 5 March 2011 9:26

agree with 50

Reply

JManHobbs | 0

#2151827 - Saturday 5 March 2011 11:58

A mistake is one student missed. Not 6, that's negligence.

By howslife123 | 0

#2148962 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:46

so?? students love correcting the teacher!!! :)) it makes them feel superior

By skikid | 0

#2148965 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:47

haha to this day i still feel i have to put arrows on my test, just incase...

Reply

HOLAANNI | 6

#2439025 - Sunday 1 May 2011 17:00

same

By Joshwarrior | 39

#2148967 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:47

I bet you felt like a Dumb Ass lol

By ambowew | 7

#2148970 - Friday 4 March 2011 8:48

Maybe those kids should take your place as the teacher.
Considering how many complained, they seem to be well educated in checking the back of test papers, one qualification you don't seem to possess.