Today, I called in my parents to look at pictures from my recent... - FML

By Ana - Brazil

Today, I called in my parents to look at pictures from my recent trip on my laptop. It wasn’t until after they left that I realized I had left a tab open with the title “20 Things You’ll Understand if You’ve Ever Had Anal Sex.” FML

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BO Central

Catching up

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By superconfused16 - United States

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

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By egghead - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

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By hilariousnow - Vietnam

Today, with my girlfriend I planned a trip to Bali on this Thursday and we will celebrate Christmas together. Hotel booking done, flight tickets bought, swimsuits packed. I just forgot one thing: tell my boss I'll be on leave till next week. He gave me a new project. The deadline is next monday. FML

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By WasteOfTime - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

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By chlorinesmells - United States

Today, a kid I taught to swim became my new boss, at the pool that I have worked at for nine years. FML

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By anonyme - France - Grenoble

Today, the left side of my head has officially declared its independence. Half of my hair is now curly, the rest is totally flat. FML

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By NotDrunk - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

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By well fuck!

Today, I was grocery shopping with my kids. As I was buckling them into their car seats, two men jumped out of a truck, hoisted my cart and sped off. According to security, this has become a regular occurrence at the store. My entire month of groceries gone in seconds. FML

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By happy bday - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

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By sierraisfucked - United States

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

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By mcmanager - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

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By SupposedlyAverage - United States

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 01:01 - Mexico - Iztacalco

That's… sexy

Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML

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By shadowsonicstar - United States

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

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By TalkedTo

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

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By Wrenda Witt

Not interested

Today, it has officially been two and half months since I've had sex. I've done everything imaginable to entice him, but my boyfriend doesn't seem bothered at all. FML

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By gamergirlfriend - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Truckee

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

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By ELparano - Canada

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

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By Jasmine - 14/7/2020 17:01

Payday

Today, I got fired during my maternity leave for requesting my unpaid wages. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Miami

Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:02

That caffeine rush

Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Princeton

Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML

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By alchy - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

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By oww - United States

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

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By Ms. Heartless - United States

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2021 19:59 - Germany

Another COVID FML

Today I wanted to get my mind off of everything COVID, so I watched my favorite TV show. It’s about COVID now. FML

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By Vlad

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

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By jasmith - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

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By Stevie - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

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By lilviss - Australia

It was yummy

Today, I found maggots in the ketchup on my sausage. Too bad I had already eaten half of it. FML

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By WHOO HOO AIDS - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML

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Top comments

By FMZiggy | 22

#7444288 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:04

What would be even worse is if your mom started taking about her own experiences, and tried to give you some tips...

By Seeya55 | 31

#7444294 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:07

Play it off, say you left it up to make them feel em-bare-assed!

COMMENTS

By FMZiggy | 22

#7444288 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:04

What would be even worse is if your mom started taking about her own experiences, and tried to give you some tips...

By Seeya55 | 31

#7444294 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:07

Play it off, say you left it up to make them feel em-bare-assed!

By Eashy | 16

#7444299 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:24

I'm pretty sure tabs cut off names if they get too long. You should be fine if so.

By jgiles09 | 17

#7444301 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:30

so I just googled top 20 things....

By jgiles09 | 17

#7444302 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:30

so I just googled top 20 things....

By Regulate | 21

#7444321 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 22:19

Must have been a wide tab.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7444341 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 22:46

Did they go away butt-hurt?

By anaheimangels40 | 11

#7444397 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 0:20

I am sure they understand you love anal...

By Alexandria79 | 22

#7444508 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 8:05

haha. blame BuzzFeed. I saw that article ?

By Little Richard | 11

#7444604 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 12:00

Now you know what your Dad meant, when he said "like mother, like daughter. "