Ihavelike3bucks tells us more.

Of course out of all the FMLs I've submitted through the years - this is the one that went through. Anyway, I'm better now! On top of that, I got hit with the flu like a truck. No laxatives, stool softeners, magnesium, enemas, etc helped and between that circle of hell I ended up going to the ER. Ended up literally tearing myself a new one with an anal fissure. I've never been constipated before so this was awful. Oh also my first day back, our entire building was shut down and we all were laid off. Happy Holidays everyone!

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Of course out of all the FMLs I've submitted through the years - this is the one that went through. Anyway, I'm better now! On top of that, I got hit with the flu like a truck. No laxatives, stool softeners, magnesium, enemas, etc helped and between that circle of hell I ended up going to the ER. Ended up literally tearing myself a new one with an anal fissure. I've never been constipated before so this was awful. Oh also my first day back, our entire building was shut down and we all were laid off. Happy Holidays everyone!

That's what Taco Bell is for.

Comments

Time to go behind enema lines!

Sounds like a rather obstructive situation

The OP has many obstacles to... push through.

Seems like both of you are.

I would say sounds like a shitty situation but it sounds like it might be the opposite for you.

I think it's leading up to it.

Oh, it's shitty alright! It's just balling up in his intestines and waiting for the most inopportune moment to make a grand entrance (or exit, as the case may be.)

It's usually when your crush comes up to you to ask a complicated question, or to finally ask you out on a date.

well, that sounds professional, great boss you got there.

Damn, four days without shitting? I think that's unhealthy, lmao. Whatever you do though, don't strain because that might cause hemorrhoids.

That's unhealthy

Have you ever heard of constipation? Or just not eating the right foods to require needing to go? I held it for 4 days at a music festival, I had one day to go but then my only drink option was lemonade. Within 15 minutes I had to go, but I also got a nosebleed at the same time. Maybe it is bad for you.

species4872 19

The boss has got your number.

Of course out of all the FMLs I've submitted through the years - this is the one that went through. Anyway, I'm better now! On top of that, I got hit with the flu like a truck. No laxatives, stool softeners, magnesium, enemas, etc helped and between that circle of hell I ended up going to the ER. Ended up literally tearing myself a new one with an anal fissure. I've never been constipated before so this was awful. Oh also my first day back, our entire building was shut down and we all were laid off. Happy Holidays everyone!

That's pretty shitty OP. Sorry thinks have been so full of crap. Just spend the holidays relaxing and everything will work it's way out to a better end.

Sorry for what you went through OP but if it's any consolation, you have unbelievable comedy writing skills. Hope you are feeling better!

MiraLAX and then relax on the porcelain throne