By Ihavelike3bucks - 18/12/2016 13:51

Today, when calling out of work, I was told by my boss that I was "full of shit" before he hung up. I actually am. I haven't pooped in almost four days. FML
I agree, your life sucks 6 737
You deserved it 631

Ihavelike3bucks tells us more.

Ihavelike3bucks 3

Of course out of all the FMLs I've submitted through the years - this is the one that went through. Anyway, I'm better now! On top of that, I got hit with the flu like a truck. No laxatives, stool softeners, magnesium, enemas, etc helped and between that circle of hell I ended up going to the ER. Ended up literally tearing myself a new one with an anal fissure. I've never been constipated before so this was awful. Oh also my first day back, our entire building was shut down and we all were laid off. Happy Holidays everyone!

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Top comments

trucker2 33

MiraLAX and then relax on the porcelain throne

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Comments

Costales_fml 7

Sounds like a rather obstructive situation

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Colon_Man 17

The OP has many obstacles to... push through.

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brooklyn0118 22

I would say sounds like a shitty situation but it sounds like it might be the opposite for you.

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XxfrenchyyXx 12

I think it's leading up to it.

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RichardPencil 30

Oh, it's shitty alright! It's just balling up in his intestines and waiting for the most inopportune moment to make a grand entrance (or exit, as the case may be.)

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Colon_Man 17

It's usually when your crush comes up to you to ask a complicated question, or to finally ask you out on a date.

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nitsud82 14

well, that sounds professional, great boss you got there.

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utrax 23

Damn, four days without ********? I think that's unhealthy, lmao. Whatever you do though, don't strain because that might cause hemorrhoids.

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queencabello 19

That's unhealthy

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Mauskau 35

Have you ever heard of constipation? Or just not eating the right foods to require needing to go? I held it for 4 days at a music festival, I had one day to go but then my only drink option was lemonade. Within 15 minutes I had to go, but I also got a nosebleed at the same time. Maybe it is bad for you.

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species4872 19

The boss has got your number.

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Ihavelike3bucks 3

Of course out of all the FMLs I've submitted through the years - this is the one that went through. Anyway, I'm better now! On top of that, I got hit with the flu like a truck. No laxatives, stool softeners, magnesium, enemas, etc helped and between that circle of hell I ended up going to the ER. Ended up literally tearing myself a new one with an anal fissure. I've never been constipated before so this was awful. Oh also my first day back, our entire building was shut down and we all were laid off. Happy Holidays everyone!

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texaskitty86 25

That's pretty shitty OP. Sorry thinks have been so full of crap. Just spend the holidays relaxing and everything will work it's way out to a better end.

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latenerd 11

Sorry for what you went through OP but if it's any consolation, you have unbelievable comedy writing skills. Hope you are feeling better!

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trucker2 33

MiraLAX and then relax on the porcelain throne

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