By SoftwareDev - South Africa - Johannesburg

Should've stayed home, basically

Today, after getting booked off work for being sick, I go to work anyway. On the way home, I stop by a colleagues fairwell, being the paranoid type of guy I make sure my car is locked about 3-4 times and head in. Later I get home to find my laptop has been stolen from my boot with my medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4263

You deserved it

595

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Greed

Didn't think it through

By masterman - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34998

You deserved it

2919

Tweet

Share

By me - United States - Bend

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22742

You deserved it

2230

Tweet

Share

By Crushed

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip, just so that she wouldn't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1510

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By ouchmynose - United States

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49187

You deserved it

7069

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Dublin

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43487

You deserved it

5863

Tweet

Share

By littlemissgullible - United States

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34040

You deserved it

7977

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48704

You deserved it

7798

Tweet

Share

By bornfromhillbillies - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, my mom saw a picture of the moon and asked me what "those big spots" were. She actually thought the craters were continents and tried correcting me when I told her what they were. Then I almost got into trouble for being disrespectful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22638

You deserved it

1495

Tweet

Share

By VelocityMary - United States

Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51144

You deserved it

6850

Tweet

Share

By Toodamnold - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5409

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By singingseattlite - United States

Today, I was at a symposium at which my colleague was a co-chair. She and a new acquaintance asked me how it was going. I joked that the discussant's only job at this conference was to be an asshole. The acquaintance was the symposium's discussant. The topic was Rude Behavior at Work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8849

You deserved it

58872

Tweet

Share

By squeezable - United States

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44298

You deserved it

6785

Tweet

Share

By Nana - Sweden - Skellefte

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29615

You deserved it

8470

Tweet

Share

By HungryStudent - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45901

You deserved it

3218

Tweet

Share

By AllieG33 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39578

You deserved it

3689

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22332

You deserved it

3311

Tweet

Share

By Nick - United States

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53247

You deserved it

37479

Tweet

Share

By FunFun in the Sun - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18179

You deserved it

1296

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

186795

You deserved it

29775

Tweet

Share

By laurenmay - United States

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68286

You deserved it

4376

Tweet

Share

By Palf - Germany

Today, I realised that my flight back from Berlin was actually booked for the 29th of September instead of August. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14457

You deserved it

27054

Tweet

Share

By Bad sibling

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2014

You deserved it

213

Tweet

Share

By Renter - United States

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29581

You deserved it

2749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31459

You deserved it

3025

Tweet

Share

By just wanted nice nails - United States - Palmer

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13365

You deserved it

22069

Tweet

Share

By sexaddict - France

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13945

You deserved it

80849

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55224

You deserved it

3042

Tweet

Share

By broke - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10666

You deserved it

781

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone.jpg - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27347

You deserved it

2884

Tweet

Share

By rain1 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50975

You deserved it

4341

Tweet

Share

By LittleRed79 - Canada

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11788

You deserved it

1009

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 08:08

Forever alone

Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

808

You deserved it

1905

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - Kent

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30941

You deserved it

2217

Tweet

Share

By hatecolin - United States

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43709

You deserved it

12910

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I decided I had gathered enough solid evidence to justify dumping my cheating girlfriend. When I turned up, she broke up with me before I had a chance to confront her. Why? Apparently I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40968

You deserved it

8350

Tweet

Share

By Belt issues - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12965

You deserved it

1452

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31735

You deserved it

7614

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45835

You deserved it

9079

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2594

You deserved it

201

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Australia

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25825

You deserved it

8124

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By species4872 | 19

#7476482 - Tuesday 27 June 2017 4:52

For our American friends.....
His laptop and Medication was stolen from the trunk of his car...OK

By ThatIsSoFetch | 7

#7476622 - Tuesday 27 June 2017 13:18

Thank you! I was very confused about this post!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7476480 - Tuesday 27 June 2017 3:55

That must have been a tiny laptop or you have enormous feet!

Wouldn't it kinda tickle if someone took your laptop from your boot?

By species4872 | 19

#7476482 - Tuesday 27 June 2017 4:52

For our American friends.....
His laptop and Medication was stolen from the trunk of his car...OK

Reply

ThatIsSoFetch | 7

#7476622 - Tuesday 27 June 2017 13:18

Thank you! I was very confused about this post!

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7476668 - Tuesday 27 June 2017 15:53

Ooooooh! Well, that's a horse of a different color altogether!

Makes a lot more sense than someone carrying a computer in his "manly footwear."

By Cali | 54

#7476630 - Tuesday 27 June 2017 14:09

That sucks! Any chance of getting your work to cover a portion of the replacement cost since you need it to do your job? It was stolen during a work function anyway...

By Chazzster | 20

#7476764 - Tuesday 27 June 2017 20:05

Sorry it happened, but Karma Dude - If you are sick go straight home, don't visit a friend.

By Allie614032 | 34

#7476885 - Wednesday 28 June 2017 3:00

Fairwell? lol

By bigdaddyeric | 30

#7476941 - Wednesday 28 June 2017 9:08

WTF is a boot? We don't all live in your country

Reply

Lobby_Bee | 17

#7476950 - Wednesday 28 June 2017 9:50

When you have a pair of boots and you lose one, it becomes a boot. It could also mean the trunk of a vehicle in some countries.

Reply

species4872 | 19

#7476968 - Wednesday 28 June 2017 11:09

I did explain for you. Do you not read the other comments before posting?

By TimeLadyPandora | 2

#7477148 - Wednesday 28 June 2017 19:32

If you car works like I think it does then, locking it 4 times means you Locked,Unlocked, Locked and unlocked. Try doing an odd number, Then You may not have gotten that stolen. and Put. A MasterLock on your trunk for safety.