Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML
Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML
Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking near a pond when we saw a drake forcefully mating with a duck. She burst into tears and demanded I stop them. When I told her no, that it’s just nature and thats how they breed, she dumped me for supporting and "enabling rape." FML
Today, I stopped at a park because a duck was following me. I assumed it wanted food, so I gave it a small piece of bread. It followed me to my car, waited beside the door, and then followed me across the parking lot. I may have accidentally adopted a duck. FML
Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML
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Top comments
interesting33 37
I have to ask, did you do the research on how to look after them and what they would be like? it sounds like a sweet present but you need to make sure you both agreed and know about the living conditions
BurnInDemonFire 39
Hey, if Joey and Chandler made it work with their duck, and chicken, you can make it work, too. Also, if it's not red, it's not a barn.
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Comments (23)
chosha_fml 27
If you actually move to the barn, YDI.
boopingsnoot 25
I’ve heard of crazy cat ladies who live oblivious to the urine and feces around them, but ducks?! Honestly, think about living somewhere else. Where there is no shit in your bed.
Charlie Given 28
Just wait till she get bird flu it came from ducks and also ducks needs to be outside there wild animals not house pets.
Duskyb 12
Should anyone else come up against this situation- they make cloth diapers for house ducks and chickens. You can find them on etsy and I've even seen the damn things on Wish. Poultry don't have sphincter muscles, they cannot possibly be house trained ever and if you MUST keep one in the house you have to contain them in a small area you can clean or diaper them.
michaelscashier 5
If you care about her enough to be willing to move into a barn for her, get the ducks some damn poultry diapers, and all will be well
shannon2348 14
I really don't see how she could possibly be sleeping with the ducks. They shit constantly. And the fact that you're willing to go sleep in a barn is kinda sad.