Money: Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML - FML

By Anonymous - 23/08/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 286

You deserved it 8 614

Leave us alone

A slight hiccup

Fight!

By need new job - 24/04/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 350

You deserved it 1 406

By LadyLump - 24/01/2010 18:12 - United States

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 038

You deserved it 4 572

By anonymous - 19/10/2011 12:19 - Australia

Today, my best friend who I have known for ten years recommended I didn't continue a relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she wanted to go out with me which I was hoping for, for a long time. Turns out she wanted to go out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 882

You deserved it 6 920

By Sicko - 28/08/2010 23:52 - France

Spicy

Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 867

You deserved it 25 947

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 962

You deserved it 3 358

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 16:50 - Bangladesh - Dhaka

Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 664

You deserved it 5 504

By Tom Riddle - 19/12/2016 12:24 - Philippines

Today, I was about to go out and get some groceries, but the moment I slammed the door I realized my keys were still inside. My inner caveman instincts told me to immediately break down the door, so now I have to get a doorknob replacement instead of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 311

You deserved it 2 263

By Albert06 - 14/03/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 899

You deserved it 7 294

By frgn8r - 31/05/2010 11:59 - Australia

Today, my friends and I finished a 2 day, 40km bush walk. We parked a car at the finish of the track and drove another car to the start, so we could drive back and pick it up when we finished. At the end of the trek, I realised I had left the keys for the second car in the first car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 127

You deserved it 35 887

By loganHchrist - 09/01/2014 00:53 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 967

You deserved it 4 948

By DeadlyKitten - 20/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat followed me into the bathroom. While I was showering, he knocked over the storage shelf behind the toilet. The shelf was the perfect length to wedge the shower door completely closed. No one was home so I had to climb over my tall shower door all slippery and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 089

You deserved it 695

By Never Going Back To The Doctor - 04/07/2013 07:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 316

You deserved it 12 317

New JCS FML

By ImAnAhole - 10/11/2021 17:00

Today, I found out the Tinder girl I'd ghosted after going on a date with her committed suicide. They came to me for answers because I was the last known person that ever talked to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 757

By yesnomaybeso7 - 12/07/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 448

You deserved it 5 578

By darkman28 - 07/04/2009 05:21 - United States

Today, I was looking at the page of a girl I've had this big crush on for a long time. After getting a date with her and taking her horse back riding and having a picture taken of the two of us I find that she paint shopped me out of the picture before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 399

You deserved it 4 533

By owie - 29/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 206

Protip

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 01:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 878

You deserved it 4 418

By DWIcop - 03/04/2019 00:00

Today, while leaving our county courthouse after testifying as the arresting officer in multiple DWI cases, I hit a wrong way sign in the court’s parking lot. All the defense attorneys were outside, asking me if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 776

By TheLastSerenade - 23/01/2013 08:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 689

You deserved it 3 967

By grannygirlfriend - 06/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 240

You deserved it 5 066

Flashdance

By Muhd Hazrie - 27/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was working as a security guard in a office building. It was 5 p.m. and most of the staff had gone home so it was pretty quiet. I did a little ballet dance around my security post. When I turned around, I saw my supervisor taking a video of me. He sent it to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 375

By Anonymous - 14/02/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 175

You deserved it 6 751

Trans women are women

By Colton - 07/06/2021 20:01

Today, I'm dating a trans girl, who is also my best friend. She confessed to me long ago that she was born male, and that wasn't a big deal to me. The problem is that my family is constantly harassing her, because I should have been "with a real girl instead of a monster with severed genitals." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 406

Hyperviolence

By julieseattle - 28/10/2019 18:00

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 01/05/2013 15:55 - United States

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 847

You deserved it 4 527

By LordCrafte - 15/05/2013 23:43 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 351

You deserved it 3 223

By PaperInfection - 23/11/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 216

You deserved it 5 671

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 3 162

By BetrayedGirl - 13/01/2010 12:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 791

You deserved it 5 490

By Spanky - 23/01/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 678

You deserved it 2 492

By Phabia - 21/04/2015 00:16 - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 890

You deserved it 2 311

By anonymous - 05/07/2013 06:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 632

You deserved it 3 380

By cjay2200 - 28/08/2011 21:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 116

You deserved it 9 881

By kazmatazz - 17/05/2012 10:33 - Oman

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 460

You deserved it 9 048

By AirOne - 12/11/2008 14:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 568

You deserved it 10 773

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 788

You deserved it 30 039

Grown-ass man

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 23:01 - United States - Southfield

Today, my mom got angry that I moved stuff in the freezer, and banned me from even opening it in future. I’m in my 30s, I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, and now I've lost freezer privileges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 16/03/2014 03:46 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 708

You deserved it 21 856

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 338

You deserved it 3 613

Running gag

By TheJoker - 12/05/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped, grabbed the ball for the kid and went to hand it to him. He then yelled, "Stranger danger!" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 684

You deserved it 3 191

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:54

Now if someone yells at you and says "Do you live in a barn or something?!" You can say "Yes. Yes I do."

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:47

Why?...

Comments

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:45

When you get it sing BINGO

sandyandellie 5

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:51

'nuff said.

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:06

I think OP will enjoy the moo-ve :D

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:03

Today I read the shortest FML I've ever looked at. And it made little sense! FML.

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:29

This was hard to select on an iPod.

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 22:23

# 89...I couldn't agree more. it took me a couple tries and I have small fingers..lol.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 9:18

I'm awesome...got it the first try!...:)

False_Stupidity 41

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 11:34

No prob here either selecting this on my iPhone and I've got fat fingers...

Moota 9

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:47

Why?...

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:55

So he could post a stupid FML. :D

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:34

prob hes poor.?$$

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:54

What's wrong with living in a barn?

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 14:40

OP, I accept your application. Just don't touch the midget in the corner. He's pretty pissed about being moved out of the basement.

crazychick1269 7

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:10

#26... everything

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:44

Just about EVERYTHING.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:47

nothing is wrong wit living in a barn especially if u like to keep the door open

hallix 21

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Monday 9 December 2013 22:43

He's trying out this new religious thing. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:48

That would be so fun! Just make sure NEVER to have a flame in there!

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:51

Beats the streets.

IWATCHYOUSLEEP 7

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:02

iTroll :D

manic_maniac11 13

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:51

You have to apply for that?!?!

Majstr 23

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 14:23

To make an ass of yourself.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:49

6- I no rite that's what I was thinkin, I wudnt have applied, I wudve told the animals to move over and make room lmao!!

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:52

You can sing Old mcDonalds farm every night without sounding like a dick.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 0:21

e i e i ewwwwwwww

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:54

Now if someone yells at you and says "Do you live in a barn or something?!" You can say "Yes. Yes I do."

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:00

Fuck. I just realized the question is wrong. It's "were you raised in a barn?" So much for being witty. I'm going to bed.

BelleBelle_fml 11

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:29

It's ok, we all have our temporary lapses in sanity. Some just last longer than others...

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:35

Sanity? What is that?

BelleBelle_fml 11

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:51

I can't remember, it's been so long...

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 14:41

I've never had any to begin with.

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:11

That would actually kind of kick ass to be able to say that to someone and not be sarcastic

perdix 29

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:16

You could have saved this one. If someone says ,"Were you born in a barn?," you could reply, "No, but I was rejected from living in one. The neighbors complained of the smell."

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:55

Today, I posted the shortest FML ever.

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:34

I think the shortest so far is: Today, Michael Jackson died, FML I COULD be wrong though. That's the shortest I remember.

BelleBelle_fml 11

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:37

21- That was a sad day. :(

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:57

Did you try the white house?

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:04

make the most of it. make it pretty, too! c:

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 3:47

ya pose on the tractor.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 3

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 705

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 813