Kids: Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

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The geyser

Family matters

Moving on

By Lucie - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boyfriend got us kicked out of the Apple store for getting into a heated argument with the guy at the Genius Bar about which video game avatar is hotter. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 02:02 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Where you been?

Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe i'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML

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By iluvcoconutrough - New Zealand

Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML

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By Chensticles - France

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

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By aylla - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

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By absense - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to work from a week-long sickness, I sent out an apologetic email to all of my clients to explain my lack of communication due to absence. I realised afterwards I had put the subject line as 'Absense'. And sent it to all of my clients. FML

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By scared shirtless - 18/3/2021 20:01

Nightmare mother

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me god, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

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By Kid Lacef

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a kiss, and in response, she suggested that we settle for a hand hug. FML

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By Mybrotherissatan - United States - Arrington

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

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By badluckbrian

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

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By Mark - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the hairdresser on a spur of the moment decision to get a quick wash and cut. 45 painful minutes and $180 later, I honestly don't know if anything was actually done to my hair. FML

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By TheMysteriousTsundere

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

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By Crusty

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

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By Noslo - United States

Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML

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By Lika1712 - India - Mumbai

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

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By KimberleyIrene - Canada

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a job I interviewed for. The guy called me and told me I got it. I said "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!" He responded with "You're welcome Emily". My name isn't Emily, it's Kim. He got the numbers mixed up. FML

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By cazzb - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

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By knee2tak - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as a male in his 40s, I went to "mixed" aerobics. I arrived late to find the entire female class had started intensely warming up. Within 5 minutes I pulled a calf muscle and left limping pathetically past a martial arts class. FML

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By dentinpalevo - Cyprus

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

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By Lazy - Australia

Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML

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By Skazzy3

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

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By notyoueallie - United States

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, a phone I bought online turned up while I was at work. The delivery guy left a note saying he'd left the package with my neighbor at #10. When I went and knocked on the door and asked for the package, my neighbor said "Nope, nothing delivered here." and quickly shut the door in my face. FML

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By kalisa anteater - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I had to explain to my mother that a lace mini-dress with an obscene amount of cleavage was not appropriate to wear while meeting my boyfriend's parents. She called me an "annoying prude" and said that with my attitude, I don't deserve to have a man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 23:01

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma and I were watching the Ranger's playoff game. As Henrik Lundqvist received a standing ovation from the crowd after blocking 38 shots, she says to me, "Check out his equipment!" My 80-year old grandma just commented on Henrik Lundqvist's package. FML

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By Timeless - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

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By laststand11 - United States - Lexington

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my recent ex-boyfriend stopped by my house with a well-dressed man. He reached into his pocket and handed me records that "prove" he never cheated on me. Oh, and the man next to him? His lawyer, who gave me a summons to court over payment for the items I smashed when I dumped him. FML

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By barri - Costa Rica

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

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By omfgmaya - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend brought me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML

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Top comments

By I_Like_Dogs | 28

#6396726 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:13

"I decided to paint my feelings. This one is called 'Very angry because my brother puked on my painting'."

By SharnaaaBanana | 22

#6396714 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:08

Hey, art comes in all forms I guess :P

COMMENTS

By SharnaaaBanana | 22

#6396714 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:08

Hey, art comes in all forms I guess :P

Reply

shemademedoit | 20

#6396971 - Sunday 30 August 2015 4:58

yes but art doesn't make you say eww when you smell it ?

By mariathehoe | 15

#6396715 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:08

Fancy

By ashley832 | 18

#6396716 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:09

contemporary art

By butterfingers583 | 21

#6396717 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:09

Maybe he was helping you go for the abstract art look.

By I_Like_Dogs | 28

#6396726 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:13

"I decided to paint my feelings. This one is called 'Very angry because my brother puked on my painting'."

By igive | 29

#6396734 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:18

Submit it to a modern museum anyway. Some one will justify it as a "masterpiece," "innovative" or "exquisite!"

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6397174 - Sunday 30 August 2015 10:31

Make sure it's displayed in a glass case cuz nobody wants to smell that!

By Tacogamer20 | 14

#6396742 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:21

Maybe you teacher will be like a modern art museum and say it is a masterpiece (Just don't tell her about the vomit).

By Swandive235 | 27

#6396745 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:24

I hope you get an A.

By lchollett | 22

#6396746 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:26

Hopefully your teacher will understand. If not, maybe just submit it anyway and name it after whatever he ate that made him puke. "Lunchables Gone Bad" or "Expired Goldfish"

By NodakN8V | 25

#6396751 - Sunday 30 August 2015 0:30

Submit it under Realism