Work: Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but...

By That_guy - 12/02/2012 06:02 - United States

Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but apparently, the person I'm replacing was very well-liked around my workplace. All of my co-workers hate me now for replacing someone who I don't even know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 447

You deserved it 2 113

Work

Hiding from the drama

Sorry…

Sounds fishy

By beekie9 - 14/01/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 195

You deserved it 2 215

Compassion

By zawbentley - 26/09/2009 07:01 - United States

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response? "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 443

You deserved it 6 443

By bookworm - 08/06/2019 14:00

Today, I had a garage sale and sold some books I don't read anymore. A woman came up and yelled at me, saying I'd stolen one of the books from her house. I later found out that it was a distraction so that her boyfriend could steal my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 278

You deserved it 2 450

Nobody wins

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 08:01

Today, I found that the product we shipped and what the salesman billed don't match. It's my job to flag such issues, as they cost the company money. The salesman asked me to shut up and be his accomplice, as it was done to please the client. The sales manager had to agree, but said I was causing trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 58

By John Doe - 29/01/2015 17:01 - United States - Columbia

Today, my parents continue comparing me to my "perfect" friend. He smokes dope, is a compulsive thief, and has gone to juvie numerous times. I'm passing school with flying colors and have never been in any trouble with the law. Apparently I should be more like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 916

You deserved it 2 374

When feral kids attack

By GracieGirl - 04/10/2019 06:00

Today, while waiting for my name to be called at the doctor's office, a little boy threw a Dixie cup full of water at me, making it look like I wet my pants. His mom just laughed and dragged him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 101

By knife knife - 20/09/2016 00:38 - United Kingdom - Dalkeith

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 795

You deserved it 14 792

By ohgod... - 02/04/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 030

You deserved it 3 405

By cestquoicebordel?? - 14/08/2012 22:50 - France

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 804

You deserved it 6 172

By Upbrakie - 12/01/2010 13:09 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 567

You deserved it 3 352

By stillavirgin - 03/01/2010 07:41 - Canada

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 137

You deserved it 5 904

Rock, hard place

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 11:01

Today, my parents have decided to ground me if I don’t wake up early. If I wake up early, I get migraines. Not only that, but the migraines always last for exactly as long as the grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 505

You deserved it 2 043

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 10:27 - United States

Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 372

You deserved it 6 550

By ImNotFat - 07/08/2013 06:04 - United States - Havertown

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 779

You deserved it 15 487

Oh, hi!

By Embarrassed - 07/08/2012 07:48 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 740

You deserved it 35 182

By Anon - 28/12/2012 08:14 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 277

You deserved it 35 518

By Kristina - 18/02/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 934

You deserved it 6 857

Cat litter day

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my new neighbour tried to report me as a terrorist for, "speaking terrorist language and moving bags of that explosive fertiliser." I’m Japanese, and the bags were mostly rotting vegetables and animal dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 046

You deserved it 2 008

By DemCherries - 28/03/2017 15:00 - United States - Overland Park

Today, at my job as a police officer, I had to arrest my own girlfriend for having sex at Walmart. She tried to get me to let her out on the grounds of being "pretty" and dating me. She wants to continue the relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 116

You deserved it 545

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 329

You deserved it 3 365

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 919

You deserved it 2 768

Gentle prank

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 22:58 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my little sister swapped out the hard white cheese on the meat-cheese platter with slices of white chocolate and put some Skittles into the bowl of M&M's. My limited circle of friends and family in our safe social pandemic bubble think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 81

By parasheeeet - 13/01/2016 17:05 - United States - Birmingham

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 038

You deserved it 19 918

You tried…

By Emoney1 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 612

You deserved it 6 967

By dazedandconfused - 25/06/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 346

You deserved it 3 802

By eric4 - 23/05/2013 20:11 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 352

You deserved it 4 346

By "PineappleOfMyEye" - 13/12/2018 12:30

I went to check my grade that was posted for an essay for my comp 1 class. I got a zero. I was devastated only to find out I never actually clicked the submit document button. My grade dropped 20 points.

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 2 427

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 05:38 - United States - Albany

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 701

You deserved it 6 418

Gross, dude

By smells like ass - 02/08/2020 23:03

Today, my boyfriend has only showered about three times since we’ve been on lockdown. Our whole place smells like a sewer main burst in a pro-sports locker room filled with sweaty nut sacks and dead feet. His excuse? "It’s not like we have anywhere to go babe." I can’t even eat around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 357

By husbands addiction - 26/03/2014 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 482

You deserved it 4 391

Noise annoys

By Mystic - 04/09/2021 00:01 - United States - Denver

Today, it’s the fifth day in a row that my mom has vacuumed right outside my room, from 5 to 11 AM. Despite this, I still can’t fall asleep before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 86

By lukey_G - 20/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 564

You deserved it 81 111

By Anon - 10/06/2012 04:19 - United States

Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 794

You deserved it 3 781

By FathersDay - 22/06/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 373

You deserved it 20 981

Nutfirecracker

By Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 390

By anonymous - 22/04/2011 10:50

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 742

You deserved it 6 854

By You're NOT getting lucky today hun - 12/10/2012 09:27 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 3 146

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Top comments

ICATiger 13

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Sunday 12 February 2012 12:48

1- work really hard 2- get promoted 3- Fire all of them (Like A Boss)

HandsomeRatch 20

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Sunday 12 February 2012 12:24

Well that's not fair of them, they don't even know you. Sounds awesome to work with them.

HandsomeRatch 20

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Sunday 12 February 2012 12:24

Well that's not fair of them, they don't even know you. Sounds awesome to work with them.

Poser1337 5

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Sunday 12 February 2012 14:08

Sounds like some awesome and mature awesome people in general. >.>

SecretMe00 5

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Sunday 12 February 2012 17:16

Earn their respect or fuck them! Who cares.

Jakesterk96 8

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Sunday 12 February 2012 19:10

*raises hand*

efro4472 1

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Sunday 12 February 2012 22:50

I've seen this FML before a loooong time ago, you fail..

tjv3 10

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Monday 13 February 2012 0:11

OP ifeel for you but give it time

gojira666 7

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Monday 13 February 2012 1:24

The first day you have to knock out the tougest guy in the office. Or was that just prison?

22cute 17

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Monday 13 February 2012 5:04

The place I now work started off that way. I replaced a man who committed suicide. People who missed him took it out on me & I didn't even know about it for half a year. Truly stupid people lacking basic self control.

XxHoPPoxX 8

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Sunday 12 February 2012 12:24

Good job boss

CareFace 16

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Sunday 12 February 2012 13:18

Good bob joss.

yummy_richkid 3

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Sunday 12 February 2012 14:46

Boob god piss

Suchagoonnn 4

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Sunday 12 February 2012 12:27

NO GOD PLEASE!!!! NO!! NO!!! NOOOOO!!! (please get the reference)

SammySteel 6

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Sunday 12 February 2012 12:32

The Office

unluckiestperson_fml 14

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Sunday 12 February 2012 16:24

This FML immediately reminded me of Ross in Friends when he becomes the guy in 3B who didn't give money to Howard the Handyman, and becomes immediately hated.

Ekh0es 37

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Sunday 12 February 2012 17:08

Or, how about the episode where Monica gets a new chef job and replaces a well liked chef(or family member), and then all her co-workers hate her and try to make her quit?

absolutegrrr 7

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Sunday 12 February 2012 17:16

36 wins.

Goatinsfriend 8

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Sunday 12 February 2012 12:29

Ah, lucky you. I feel bad for you. FYL.

AceArctic 4

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Sunday 12 February 2012 14:38

Your sarcasm is weak, young padawan.

bustub2 8

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Sunday 12 February 2012 12:43

Just do your best and kill them with kindness. They will come around. I just went through the same thing. Bringing a box of doughnuts won't hurt either.