Today, the guy I have been seeing for 3 months said, "Sorry this... - FML

By Payt

Today, the guy I have been seeing for 3 months said, "Sorry this isn’t going anywhere, but I want to stay friends because I wanna come back and hang out with your parents." He literally only stayed with me because I live on a farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2525

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

In-laws, in-fighting

The View

Expanding universe

By u raised him

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5278

You deserved it

542

Tweet

Share

By jerk_ex_boyfriend - United States - Narberth

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57328

You deserved it

6118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34835

You deserved it

2754

Tweet

Share

By Sadandphoneless

Today, I got on the bus and the driver said I didn't have to pay since the ticket machine was broken. I was happy to have saved £2.40 until i realised someone had stolen my new £700 phone while I was talking to the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2293

You deserved it

280

Tweet

Share

By FMlovelife - United States

Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35643

You deserved it

2943

Tweet

Share

By fatguyinalittlecoat - United States

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25734

You deserved it

5207

Tweet

Share

By Stupid Drunk - United States

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13024

You deserved it

49377

Tweet

Share

By mybfpeedonme

Gross!

Today, a bug crawled inside my ear. In a panic, I called my boyfriend to come over and help me. His mother told him to put pee in my ear to kill the bug so it would just fall out. I ended up in the hospital because the pee made the bug want to claw its way out through my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3654

You deserved it

1514

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I am a 22 year old male with a 11:00 pm curfew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35228

You deserved it

16357

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 02:00

Break it off

Today, I found out my fiancée wishes she'd never said yes when I proposed, as she is in love with another man and has been hiding their relationship for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1732

You deserved it

117

Tweet

Share

By YouAREthefather - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45249

You deserved it

3824

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Burlington

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24942

You deserved it

2404

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31343

You deserved it

7323

Tweet

Share

By 3rd wheel, 2nd dick

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4348

You deserved it

2511

Tweet

Share

By Lizz - United States

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25611

You deserved it

3084

Tweet

Share

By engaged - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

113861

You deserved it

24168

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24184

You deserved it

1986

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Thanks

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29358

You deserved it

1670

Tweet

Share

By vballqt201 - United States

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40326

You deserved it

17236

Tweet

Share

By Lexi - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8185

You deserved it

36123

Tweet

Share

By levi Glasscock - United States

Today, my mom called me and said, "I made your sister laugh so hard she peed her pants." I got home and noticed she also peed on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35032

You deserved it

2963

Tweet

Share

By sweatstreaks - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25025

You deserved it

11460

Tweet

Share

By MaydayManic - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41929

You deserved it

5026

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36767

You deserved it

2840

Tweet

Share

By xero_art - United States

Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62712

You deserved it

7711

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Burnside

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

I agree, your life sucks

39944

You deserved it

3868

Tweet

Share

By Daemon - France

Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20465

You deserved it

88925

Tweet

Share

By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22696

You deserved it

3157

Tweet

Share

By hehe

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27575

You deserved it

6274

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - New Albany

Today, I was running late for school and accidentally ran a red light and got pulled over. I couldn't find the registration and was freaking out, when the cop told me that he wouldn't give me a ticket if he could give me some advice. His advice? Don't wear your shirt inside-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25473

You deserved it

4549

Tweet

Share

By Just..why

Today, I ran a mile for my gym class. While I managed to cut two minutes off my time, a few minutes later I felt dizzy and nauseous, which I thought was because I pushed myself too hard. I collapsed and vomited in front of everyone. Not a single person moved to help me. Not even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2272

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11599

You deserved it

1387

Tweet

Share

By Ah - France

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21715

You deserved it

6300

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29916

You deserved it

6041

Tweet

Share

By tomandjerry - United States

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19854

You deserved it

66047

Tweet

Share

By Kev - Canada

Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40128

You deserved it

5169

Tweet

Share

By workaholic

Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9256

You deserved it

33142

Tweet

Share

By omfgitburns

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48355

You deserved it

2850

Tweet

Share

By Steiner - United States - Troy

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38210

You deserved it

3399

Tweet

Share

By aero00 - United States

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28430

You deserved it

13471

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By chosha_fml | 25

#7725843 - Tuesday 20 November 2018 2:13

You told him no, though, right?

By fjvitt | 14

#7725807 - Monday 19 November 2018 23:24

I bet your parents’ sheep are scared...

COMMENTS

By fjvitt | 14

#7725807 - Monday 19 November 2018 23:24

I bet your parents’ sheep are scared...

By RichardPencil | 28

#7725808 - Monday 19 November 2018 23:26

Are your parents a horse and a cow?

Reply

manb91uk | 22

#7725849 - Tuesday 20 November 2018 2:33

Probably a Cow and a Chicken...

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7725834 - Tuesday 20 November 2018 1:29

Makes you wonder if he's been doing something untoward while you've been together.

By chosha_fml | 25

#7725843 - Tuesday 20 November 2018 2:13

You told him no, though, right?

By melisssa87 | 30

#7725852 - Tuesday 20 November 2018 2:55

Because he is an animal lover and wants to cuddle with all the animals?