Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I was doubting my boyfriend's feelings for me, so I asked him if he found me attractive. He replied, "Well, you're thin enough…" That's all. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of a certain plus-sized vocalist, to which she replied, "She's gorgeous!" I said, "That's great because you remind me a lot of her." Now she's not talking to me. FML
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML
Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying, "It's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too." The picture was from Saturday night. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML
Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML
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Top comments
pidri 0
doesn't sound like ur dating her sounds like she's using you for ass.
MoonyIce 0
... Wow. Classy.
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Comments (60)
goof4 0
hey fags you all are stegosaurus's
EveryDayJackAss 0
i guess she officially made you her bitch
goldfishsweetie 0
wow that's rediculous... that must really suck..
13__Loki__13 1
Drunk girls love kinky sex and making pornos .... when they're passed out. I see a new cash making opportunity cumming your way
ForgottenBruno 0
that's funny shit
Poepiepiesie 3
Curvier then a racetrack?
greyzero 0
You shouldn't date girls who drink more then you do, and go on at least 3 dates sober if you drink a lot, just to make sure you aren't wearing beer goggles.
Shazam25 7
Get a non-alcoholic girlfriend.