Transportation: Today, that awesome new dubstep song that I was rocking out to... - FML

By El Jeffe - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, that awesome new dubstep song that I was rocking out to in my car was actually my transmission falling apart. FML

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There's no helping some people

Season finale

Kick the bum out

By tulisa - United States - Alexandria

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

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By amy1023 - United States

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML

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By

Long thought

Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML

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By littleman - United States

Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML

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By EliseV - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

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By Wendizzle - United States

Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Long Beach

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

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By livingonmyownfromnowon - United States - Olivehurst

Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

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By Fmyhair - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

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By Notakidpusher - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

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By low_expectations - 18/10/2020 02:08 - United States - New York

Parental guilt

Today, my mother tried guilt-tripping me about coming home for the holidays by explaining that, “according to average life expectancy,” she and my father could be dead in the next 10-25 years. I’m already coming home for the holidays. She knows this. FML

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By whymyliferose - United States

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

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By Micmicmic - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my mom let my younger brother borrow my car. He managed to crash it through the garage door. While I was in another country. Somehow, I manage to get berated by my mom because I'm not doing enough to make my brother feel better about him having an accident involving my car and my house. FML

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By AOart1st - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 23:01

Let's go girls!

Today, someone said that women shouldn’t hate their menstrual cycles, because the hormonal changes were so "interesting". Sure, that’s the word I’d use for alternating between cramps and zits, being an insatiable nymphomaniac, and being so depressed I want to die. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML

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By AshlynnPrime - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I watched a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then just put it back on the shelf. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 14:00

Hard to bare

Today, I was showing my boss a picture on my phone. I didn’t expect her to take my phone from my hand and continue to flip through photos. I anxiously motioned for her to give my phone back, only to realize she had already swiped to my nude picture. FML

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By Tasji - Canada

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

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By Anonymous - India - Chennai

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

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By fuckface? I wish - Australia - Diamond Beach

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

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By Donzai - Canada

Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML

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By typical - United States - Cheshire

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

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By ciotter - United States

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

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By slim_breezy - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to rush my son to the ER after he ate a poisonous plant. He said the plant looked like one in Skyrim and he thought he'd get super powers from eating it. FML

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By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

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By whatdidIdo - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML

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By frapples1 - United States

Today, I was at a family party and everyone was seeing my new glasses for the first time. My 48 year old uncle told me that I look like a hot librarian and then grabbed my ass. He was still sober. FML

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By Sadness - United States - Atlanta

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

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Top comments

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6644184 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:42

I can see how you might get the two confused.

By BoxFullOfLazy | 25

#6644175 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:32

Shoulda recorded it and released it as DJ El Jeffe. Coulda bought you a new transmission.

COMMENTS

By nyagemini23 | 22

#6644171 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:29

Oh no! lol

Reply

BodyCountEndless | 20

#6644477 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 18:39

Hilarious and original

By BoxFullOfLazy | 25

#6644175 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:32

Shoulda recorded it and released it as DJ El Jeffe. Coulda bought you a new transmission.

Reply

drayloon | 50

#6644205 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:22

DJ Carled maybe?

Reply

trinalporpus | 25

#6644688 - Thursday 7 July 2016 3:26

#10 he was referring to the OPs username

By Mathalamus | 24

#6644179 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:36

How do you mistake that as music?

Reply

Shaky_Spear | 11

#6644181 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:37

Have you not heard dubstep before?
lol

Reply

Mathalamus | 24

#6644197 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:59

No, but I am pretty sure you can't mistake it for a failing transmission.

Reply

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#6644213 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:41

trust me, you can.

Reply

Flyndaran | 10

#6644663 - Thursday 7 July 2016 2:33

Hello fellow old person. I hate dubstep as I can't find the tune or pattern. But I feel the same about jazz, yet most people don't call that "not-music".

By SofaKing619 | 13

#6644183 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:40

What kind of car?

Reply

GottSegneDich | 3

#6644531 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 20:22

The kind with a fubar transmission.

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6644184 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:42

I can see how you might get the two confused.

By moocowmilk0 | 19

#6644202 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:04

What's the difference?

Reply

slyde32 | 12

#6644858 - Thursday 7 July 2016 9:43

I'd rather listen to my transmission fall apart than dubstep

By Lizza330 | 28

#6644209 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:25

Hopefully you were next to a car repair place.

By socialproduct | 19

#6644223 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 9:12

Think you dropped the base out of your transmission.

By kitsuneluvuh | 12

#6644225 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 9:15

FYL that your transmission fell apart, but YDI for liking dubstep.

Reply

mattyiscool123 | 26

#6644515 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 20:03

Delete your account

By daidax_238 | 26

#6644237 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 9:33

Living proof that dub step is trash.