Today, that awesome new dubstep song that I was rocking out to... - FML

By El Jeffe - 5/7/2016 17:54 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, that awesome new dubstep song that I was rocking out to in my car was actually my transmission falling apart. FML

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Season finale

DINOSAURS!!

Compassion

By fuck off, for real - 3/4/2016 13:26 - United States - Ft Mitchell

Today, my girlfriend dumped me by text for another man while I was at work. While I worked the drive-thru, a customer noticed me choking back my tears and said "I'd be cryin' too if I worked your dead-end job." FML

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By Jon - 7/6/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

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By KlutzyFarmGirl - 12/6/2018 14:30 - United States

Glamorous...

Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML

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By toothpastecat - 13/5/2011 15:41 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

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By Swivel - 7/6/2012 12:17 - Singapore

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

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By Sherlock - 3/2/2010 16:02 - France

Today, my youngest son had to have stitches in his chin. He did great, I passed out. FML

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By AMIGODO - 12/2/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

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By prinzess - 9/12/2010 14:20 - Germany

Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML

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By nsJ - 15/7/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

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By Don’t know what to think - 16/6/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with an Eagles cheerleader. I found out when his dad proudly posted about it on Facebook. FML

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By mikey51 - 10/3/2012 01:56 - Australia

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

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By brileyyyy - 12/1/2010 03:40 - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

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By friedbutter - 28/10/2012 14:53 - Canada - Pickering

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2014 12:16 - Australia

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation,, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

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By ouch - 12/8/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when a really cute guy came on. The only seat left was the one next to me, so I smiled and waited for him to sit down. He looked at the seat, looked at me, and opted to stand until his stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2020 08:00

All out in the open

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

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By alex - 24/2/2012 21:35 - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend came over. We'd planned on losing out virginities today. What we didn't plan on was having my 9-year-old brother and his friends making a video of "What teens do when no one is home." They taped the whole thing, including the five minutes it took us to get the condom on. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2014 12:11 - United States - Brevard

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

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By shitface - 6/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Arlington

Shared towel

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

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By tooembarassed - 3/2/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

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By Carmen - 26/2/2011 13:57 - United States

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

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By the customer is always a cunt - 20/12/2013 21:48 - United States - Sarasota

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

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By Maruska28 - 7/9/2017 20:00

Today, we bought our first home after months of searching and years of saving. It's directly in the path of Hurricane Irma and may be destroyed before we even get the chance to move in. FML

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By Boyufd - 28/6/2020 02:02

Getting wet, but not in the good way

Today, it's been the fourth day in the row my pregnant girlfriend peed the bed. It's also the fourth day I have to clean it since she's too embarrassed to do it. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

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By Notre_Dame_714 - 8/4/2015 21:17 - United States

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

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By ladyhavery - 28/6/2010 13:28 - United States

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

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By WeakerThanaLittleGirl - 5/2/2013 01:00 - United States

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

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By Grubendol - 15/12/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

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By Username - 6/7/2010 22:21 - France

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700 mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

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By Fail - 21/11/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

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By fuck you, dad - 8/2/2014 20:54 - United States - Bellflower

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

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By TheaterMom - 28/6/2016 11:12 - Germany

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

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By omfgfmlife - 5/7/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2016 16:33

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

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By soembarrassed - 2/8/2009 13:40 - Australia

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

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By burnnotice - 19/9/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

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Top comments

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6644184 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:42

I can see how you might get the two confused.

By BoxFullOfLazy | 25

#6644175 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:32

Shoulda recorded it and released it as DJ El Jeffe. Coulda bought you a new transmission.

COMMENTS

By nyagemini23 | 22

#6644171 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:29

Oh no! lol

Reply

BodyCountEndless | 20

#6644477 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 18:39

Hilarious and original

By BoxFullOfLazy | 25

#6644175 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:32

Shoulda recorded it and released it as DJ El Jeffe. Coulda bought you a new transmission.

Reply

drayloon | 50

#6644205 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:22

DJ Carled maybe?

Reply

trinalporpus | 25

#6644688 - Thursday 7 July 2016 3:26

#10 he was referring to the OPs username

By Mathalamus | 24

#6644179 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:36

How do you mistake that as music?

Reply

Shaky_Spear | 11

#6644181 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:37

Have you not heard dubstep before?
lol

Reply

Mathalamus | 24

#6644197 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:59

No, but I am pretty sure you can't mistake it for a failing transmission.

Reply

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#6644213 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:41

trust me, you can.

Reply

Flyndaran | 10

#6644663 - Thursday 7 July 2016 2:33

Hello fellow old person. I hate dubstep as I can't find the tune or pattern. But I feel the same about jazz, yet most people don't call that "not-music".

By SofaKing619 | 13

#6644183 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:40

What kind of car?

Reply

GottSegneDich | 3

#6644531 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 20:22

The kind with a fubar transmission.

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6644184 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 7:42

I can see how you might get the two confused.

By moocowmilk0 | 19

#6644202 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:04

What's the difference?

Reply

slyde32 | 12

#6644858 - Thursday 7 July 2016 9:43

I'd rather listen to my transmission fall apart than dubstep

By Lizza330 | 28

#6644209 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 8:25

Hopefully you were next to a car repair place.

By socialproduct | 19

#6644223 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 9:12

Think you dropped the base out of your transmission.

By kitsuneluvuh | 12

#6644225 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 9:15

FYL that your transmission fell apart, but YDI for liking dubstep.

Reply

mattyiscool123 | 26

#6644515 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 20:03

Delete your account

By daidax_238 | 26

#6644237 - Wednesday 6 July 2016 9:33

Living proof that dub step is trash.