Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've... - FML

By ameremanapparently - 26/3/2016 12:27 - United States - Carlisle

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

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Dangling modifier

Rock, hard place

Tidy your room

By Anonymous - 16/1/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

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By swag papi - 22/1/2016 05:47 - Australia - Perth

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang, I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

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By I hate retail - 27/11/2015 02:26 - Australia - Kensington

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

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By Eminnis - 31/8/2015 03:27 - United States - Woodland Park

Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock next time. I'd agree with him, if he hadn't been standing in the middle of the hallway in our very open living room. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2015 05:29 - Australia - Perth

Today, while working as a barista, a customer asked me for "gluten free milk". When I told her that most milk is gluten free, she flew into a fit of rage and cussed me out for being a "cheeky bitch". My manager then lectured me about not being "patronising" to customers. FML

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By ashhatches - 27/6/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

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By crankg - 21/10/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML

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By waterproblem - 27/5/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

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By Nick - 8/7/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

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By Noname - 16/3/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2009 20:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and with the words "F*** you". Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML

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By John - 2/11/2012 04:13 - United States

Today, I was working in a call center when I smelled perfume. I'm allergic, and it triggered my asthma. When I came back, some jerk had sprayed it all over my work area. I couldn't go near it for the rest of my shift, therefore I had to go home early, and got my paycheck docked. FML

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By sonice - 18/8/2015 03:39 - United States - Duluth

Today, a guy asked me out on Facebook, then called me a conceited bitch when I said no. I don't know, dude; maybe it's just that I already have a boyfriend, that you asked me out on Facebook, and that you posted the same message on 4 other girls' walls as well. FML

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By kirstyrd - 12/8/2014 06:07 - United States - Germfask

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

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By Shame - 19/9/2012 20:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

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By auraya1985 - 12/9/2015 21:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

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By Big Mouth - 13/11/2018 14:00

Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 15:16 - United States - Jasper

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

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By grow_fasterrr - - 13/10/2010 05:28 - Canada

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

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By ihpgolj - 18/6/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

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By Terra - 19/11/2016 05:14

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

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By notcountry! - 27/6/2019 02:30

Today, even though my mom’s only ever been to the south once, she’s completely obsessed with talking with a bad, overly exaggerated southern accent. Not to mention constantly prattling off random nonsensical country phrases. We’re from and still live in California, nowhere near any country. FML

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By AkaiKitsune - 12/8/2017 11:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

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By Wilf - 22/2/2013 15:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, the arts company I work for cancelled our 8 pm sold-out outdoor performance at 7:30 due to rain, and will have to reticket 550 patrons. I'm the only person in the office trained in ticketing. It stopped raining 10 minutes after we cancelled it. FML

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By skywayavenue - 19/3/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

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By ohbiebjetaime - 30/6/2012 20:09 - France

Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML

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By godzilllla - 8/8/2015 01:59 - United States - Bothell

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2011 12:53 - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

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By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

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By inboxbuddies - 16/6/2009 10:35 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2015 14:23 - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

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By Travellingluck - 20/10/2017 16:12

Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML

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By hardlyworking - 4/3/2011 00:39 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

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By FullCircleProblem - 27/1/2016 06:04 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

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By ash - 14/1/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

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By anonymous - 11/6/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

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By TCRII - 11/10/2017 22:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

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By anon - 25/10/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML

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By sickofthisshit - 2/7/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

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By AtheistLookingforRoomie - 12/1/2017 22:00

Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML

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Top comments

By CalebLawrence | 25

#6568013 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:10

If she doesn't believe you, she's not worth it.

By JpTheGreat23 | 19

#6568015 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:10

She obviously doesn't deserve you then.

COMMENTS

By CalebLawrence | 25

#6568013 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:10

If she doesn't believe you, she's not worth it.

Reply

fakedsincerity | 32

#6568041 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:33

Especially if she won't even have a simple discussion before making a big show and dance about it.

People lie so often about others cheating because they're jealous or just plain vindictive. It's fucked up.

Reply

Eliseopwns | 22

#6568141 - Sunday 27 March 2016 4:57

Not to mention the fact that a relationship's foundation is built on trust. Without trust, you can bet their relationship will become toxic.

By JpTheGreat23 | 19

#6568015 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:10

She obviously doesn't deserve you then.

By Jinxsie | 27

#6568016 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:11

Sorry, OP. I hope your name gets cleared. That's a terrible thing to be accused of.

Reply

Grisha_fml | 18

#6571873 - Friday 1 April 2016 6:05

y?
this is a good time for him to drop her like a bad habit. those kind of people cannot be fixed.

By Googolman | 29

#6568017 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:11

If she's immature enough to post it on Facebook instead of talking to you, I don't think you need her anyway.

Reply

FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6568269 - Sunday 27 March 2016 9:22

That's exactly right! A Facebook is very immature

Reply

lenehey | 7

#6569007 - Monday 28 March 2016 4:57

It my be more low self esteem than lack of maturity. If you can talk to her, maybe you can get through this. Too many people here are quick to declare a relationship over. Being in a relationship means understanding and forgiveness, in that oeder.

By miatabro | 11

#6568018 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Aerobic_Exorcism | 13

#6568065 - Sunday 27 March 2016 1:19

That was supposed to be her duty before posting it on Facebook, not his.

By Laphog | 17

#6568020 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:12

Given the fact that she automatically assumed it was true , and then publicly shamed you , I think you're better off without her in your life

By Mahcookiez | 15

#6568021 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:12

Clearly she thought that was the mature thing to do in that situation

By cole66 | 13

#6568022 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:12

if she reacts like that to this, you never know what other things she may go overboard on, not saying you are, but you might be lucky

By anyagrande | 31

#6568026 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:13

Why do people moan about shit on Facebook rather than actually doing something about it

Reply

cole66 | 13

#6568035 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:21

because now a days, people find it easier and get compasion when something "bad happens"

Reply

corky1992 | 33

#6568112 - Sunday 27 March 2016 3:37

Bc they're seeking attention.

Reply

anonymous198913 | 26

#6568156 - Sunday 27 March 2016 5:16

Because some of them think it might actually solve the problem, while others may be too cowardly to confront someone about it.

Reply

anonymuse_fml | 31

#6568288 - Sunday 27 March 2016 10:43

Because doing something about it means actually taking responsibility for your life instead of being able to just whine about how bad it is....

By amyfann | 26

#6568031 - Sunday 27 March 2016 0:16

If she's this immature, I'd consider maybe dumping her OP. Nobody like that is worth it.