Miscellaneous: Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a...

By sadguyme - 22/10/2012 07:31 - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 646

You deserved it 5 111

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By funy_hunie - 02/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 242

Hold me close

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 119

You deserved it 6 746

By Doglover - 02/11/2017 14:00

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 907

You deserved it 949

By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 571

You deserved it 784

He prefers the dog

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 360

Teddy is always there for you

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 94

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 798

You deserved it 7 171

By hopeless romantic - 14/08/2014 15:06 - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 165

You deserved it 5 528

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 4 506

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 23:02 - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 125

You deserved it 6 625

satanic_fml 13

Monday 22 October 2012 16:07

or a heater

infamous1212 10

Monday 22 October 2012 16:09

Is it really that cold in California or are you just looking for an excuse to spoon your dog?

Comments

Kitsune96 8

Sunday 28 October 2012 19:19

Or buy a blanket, you wiener. Women aren't just a heat source to be used when necessary.

b52man 6

Friday 7 March 2014 19:10

My dog tries to spoon with me sometimes even when it's hot outside

imyourpoison 10

Friday 3 April 2015 0:38

wtf dood

kimise 21

Thursday 27 August 2015 22:41

As far as I know, you don't get a girlfriend to keep you warm, you get a girlfriend BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HER

vegantreegirl 26

Saturday 14 November 2015 2:16

Stick with the dog. Dogs are better than people.

FweakofCydonia 40

Tuesday 5 January 2016 3:24

Buy thicker blankets? More blankets? Wear another sweater to bed?

plzdontbestupid 3

Sunday 25 September 2016 17:35

it's california.... you're cold?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I discovered that whenever my house is affected by a blackout, the cooler for my Xbox will turn on by itself when it's fixed. My Xbox cooler flashes repeatedly, alternating between several bright colors, when it turns on. If I'm asleep when it happens, which is often the case, it wakes me up. Every. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 380

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 280

You deserved it 49 810

The Top

Today, my husband argued that it's not cheating if he's using his brother's Facebook account to talk to other women, because they think it's him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 153

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 265

You deserved it 4 795

Today, my daughter asked me if we could make sticker art. Of course I said it was OK so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 511

You deserved it 5 958

Today, I was at the gym, well intent on trying a new workout class. I was the only person in the class and the instructor was clearly disappointed. He reluctantly gave me the class but I could tell he was hating the whole experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 112

Today, I've been wondering if it's a red flag for an almost 40 year-old dude to have never been in a serious relationship. Is it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 207

Today, my boss fired me, saying he’d had a lot of patience with me, but now the time had come to part. Funny, a few months ago he told me that he had to have a lot of patience with each of my coworkers when they started, but that I was the only one who grasped it all right from the start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 84