Intimacy: Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese... - FML

By poo4brains - 28/04/2012 04:42 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Spicy

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 149

You deserved it 3 645

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Same thing different taste

Skin deep

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Spicy

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 116

You deserved it 36 984

Third degree

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 06:01

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 145

Denied

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 15:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 402

You deserved it 6 283

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 22:00

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 995

You deserved it 296

By ThisBlows - 21/09/2011 17:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 395

You deserved it 8 821

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Spicy

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 476

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 478

You deserved it 817

By Husband - 13/03/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 506

You deserved it 912

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 533

You deserved it 11 084

Next

Top comments

Nanobytez 5

Saturday 28 April 2012 16:13

I'm in Ohio and we call it Pain.

bellaxmonkeyx_fml 8

Saturday 28 April 2012 12:08

3) A Chinese burn (also referred to as an Indian burn or other burn related name depending on the locale) is the act of placing one's hands on a piece of someone's anatomy and twisting in opposite directions while applying pressure. It's usually done on the wrist of the aforementioned unlucky victim.

Comments

yahtzeesouls 12

Tuesday 12 April 2016 16:53

Yeah some chicks really can't give handjobs. I'm assuming that's what she was trying to do, but failed

Shadow9876 19

Monday 25 April 2016 15:57

Chinese burn?

tanman230 10

Wednesday 21 June 2017 18:54

it's Indian burn

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Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

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Today, I learned that bunnies mark for territory. And when I say mark, they do a 360 no scope piss and spray everything all over the walls. The smell is horrendous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 122

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 282

You deserved it 37 307

Today, on Facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to, "How can Dan have over 500 Facebook friends? Nobody even likes him." It got 42 likes and twenty comments that basically said, "Agreed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 878

You deserved it 12 367

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. Fifty minutes into the tattoo on my back, the artist said, "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 429

You deserved it 56 284

Today, I called to confirm the appointment that I made over six months ago at the tattoo studio. Turns out my particular artist "doesn't work Tuesdays" and that they also miraculously have no record of my appointment, nor the cash deposit I had to put down. FML

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