Kids: Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect...

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 18:33 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 815

You deserved it 7 814

Summer vacations: Sun and blunders
From beaches to campsites, embark on a journey filled with laughter under the sun... and a few sunburns! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Tasteful

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - Greenwich

Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 259

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 505

By Anonymous - 28/07/2012 16:02 - United States - South Bend

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 394

You deserved it 6 094

Suspicious coincidence?

By Confused - 20/05/2023 15:00

Today, my wife had our first child. He's identical to her coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 130

Picture perfect

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 04:00

Today, I have a tattoo of my daughter, who died when she was 11, and I had to have surgery on that body area. I told the surgeon very clearly to cut around the tattoo and he assured me he would. Woke up and the bastard had cut through my daughter's face, and half her face is now under scars and stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 162

Keep in touch

By Anonymous - 01/11/2019 22:00

Today on my birthday, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get matching tattoos. Our tattoo artist happened to be her ex-boyfriend. I sat and listened to them talk about their relationship and how they should stay in touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 324

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 06:43 - United States - Woodinville

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 675

You deserved it 3 702

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 349

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 485

You deserved it 60 621

By TatooFAIL - 06/10/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 283

You deserved it 67 792

Wizardo 33

Sunday 19 May 2013 22:46

Hey don't worry, she's your daughter and you should love her anyway and it'll just make for an interesting story.

KingGeorgeGal 12

Sunday 19 May 2013 22:46

That's not a big deal. You should just be happy that the baby is healthy!

Comments

hello_hola 3

Monday 27 May 2013 3:57

poor girl

MysticMonkey 9

Monday 27 May 2013 22:30

That is so cool

Prisara 2

Friday 31 May 2013 15:27

That's ******* awesome

Alice211 4

Monday 3 June 2013 11:32

She didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose her.

SummerSkiess8494 2

Monday 1 July 2013 6:17

It will get lighter as she get older but I agree with #199..... She didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose her.

Rory1798 0

Saturday 13 July 2013 6:21

Chuck Norris's child, I presume. You might need to talk with your wife :/

michelleJ11 25

Tuesday 6 August 2013 9:12

Look on the bright side OP, when she's older, no ones gonna mess with her ;)

yellowaholic 25

Wednesday 28 August 2013 9:15

You just spawned a bad ass

RockNRollAndrew 18

Wednesday 8 January 2014 5:08

That sounds AWESOME!

mainlineloser 9

Monday 29 September 2014 22:07

So does that mean she killed her twin in the womb?

Keywords

Work Capitalism Money Love Drunk Cheating Health Relatable Awkward Concert Miscellaneous Friends Music Coworkers Sextoys Intimacy Pranks Embarrassing Morning Gross Transportation Cars Allergies Food Cute AITA Mental health Medication Annoying Nice Guys

The Top

Today, I tried one of those AI companion simulators, one that's supposed to simulate what it's like to have a girlfriend. I role-played what it would be like to help her with a problem, then drive her home. After doing so, the AI began to act as if it didn't even know me, and asked me to leave. It's uncanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 320

Today, it's now exactly one year until I turn 30 and I’ve never been with a woman before. I know that it’s over for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 224

The Top

Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 819

Today, I told my husband we could have a "him" day, visit the comic book and games stores, then watch anime. He refused to believe I was genuine, and asked what bad thing I did that I was trying to make up for. We ended up not doing any of it because he thinks I can’t be nice to him without a motive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 788

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 314

You deserved it 2 359

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 333

You deserved it 10 714

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 529

You deserved it 2 702

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 144

You deserved it 5 210