Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML
Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years told me she would be more peaceful if I just killed myself. I argued that I’m not going to, but she assured me that I would. It’s just ‘when’ that’s in question. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Today, I finally got my boyfriend to watch one of my favorite TV shows. I was excitedly talking when he interrupted me and angrily said, "Can you stop with the fucking spoilers?" I then realized I'd spoiled half the show. He left to play video games. FML
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Top comments
isallwaysme 27
well what else would the movie be about?
DocBastard 38
Just keep watching with her. When the motorcade starts going down the street, just yell, "DUCK, JACK!" After he's shot, she'll be amazed that you accurately predicted the outcome. She'll think you're a genius. It couldn't possibly go wrong.
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Comments (102)
caseyt12 12
huh, I thought the joke was funny
Cecilprice611 6
Does she even grammar?
teamkakashi 18
She should just calm down. My brother has spoiled many things for me in shows, and I don't mind. Hell, I like to spoil things for myself sometimes. I mean, don't you wanna see how that character dies and why? (I'm not sure what Killing Kennedy is surely about so I'm not sure if it may be obvious.)
teamkakashi 18
(Couldn't edit in time.) Title was a dead giveaway. No need to even know what it's about.
fantasyworld 37
I thought it was funny.
MozillaHostile 21
Well god damn she's stupid
nemcali 34
YDI for marrying a moron