Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML
Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years told me she would be more peaceful if I just killed myself. I argued that I’m not going to, but she assured me that I would. It’s just ‘when’ that’s in question. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Today, I finally got my boyfriend to watch one of my favorite TV shows. I was excitedly talking when he interrupted me and angrily said, "Can you stop with the fucking spoilers?" I then realized I'd spoiled half the show. He left to play video games. FML
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Top comments
isallwaysme 27
well what else would the movie be about?
DocBastard 38
Just keep watching with her. When the motorcade starts going down the street, just yell, "DUCK, JACK!" After he's shot, she'll be amazed that you accurately predicted the outcome. She'll think you're a genius. It couldn't possibly go wrong.
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Comments (102)
stitesy29 18
Maybe she just doesnt like the joke Kind of a dark one
creepyclowntown 10
maybe test her and talk about how he died by being stabbed.If she gives same feedback you know she failed history class
DarkCobalt55 6
Mind: blown
mokka44 8
I think she's angry because of your sense of humor. My wife is well aware that he was killed and she would be angry with me for being insensitive.
diaspora_fml 26
Your choice of a wife so wholly incompatible with your sense of humor or manner of thought quite obviously exposes a marriage story with no need of a "spoiler alert."
mrpravz 5
She threw a book? She might wanna try reading some of those instead. Maybe one on history.
HanBroman 20
John tucker doesn't die in "John tucker must die"... and ok I understand that they must be pretty ignorant to not know about jfk's life but even so the name isn't a dead giveaway. I wouldn't have just assumed it but I'm also from Australia and don't really know American history. It could have just been about people's attempts to kill him.
hashshim 23
Wait. Who's JFK? I thought we were talking about Kennedy...
willowstone 5
John F. Kennedy... Your stupidity amazes me.
Pictureit13 6
You're gay for saying spoiler alert. I would have hit you with a book too.
Bentonic 11
Well... At least you weren't watching "John Dies at the End" when that happened.