Work: Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I...

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 188

You deserved it 9 116

Work

Own it

Bad timing

Sweets dreams are made of these

By IdiotNursingStudent - 22/09/2014 02:12 - United States - Belton

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 588

You deserved it 14 493

By Rabite - 13/09/2016 11:22 - Germany

Today, I was on a business trip with a co-worker. We had to wait for the train, so I decided to browse a store in the train station while he waited outside. I then got a message on my cell phone, from my co-worker saying, "You are somewhere on this train, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 549

You deserved it 5 265

By dangyo - 26/01/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 344

You deserved it 7 051

By GiveMeCake - 02/12/2018 22:00

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 750

You deserved it 238

By ishoweredincorpsewater - 06/04/2018 19:00

Today, our hot water tank got replaced because all our hot water had been smelling old and musty for a month now. There was a dead seagull in the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 261

You deserved it 284

The cheek of some people

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 14:02

Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 17:54 - United States - Brandon

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 999

You deserved it 9 941

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 953

You deserved it 61 212

Unrequited

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 13:57 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I ran into my childhood crush. She was the one who made me realize I was bi, and I was enthralled by her. Too bad she was straight. She's only gotten more attractive, and now she's in my program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 353

By NickJJ - 16/05/2014 02:34 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 441

You deserved it 18 385

By fml - 02/11/2016 08:45 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 104

You deserved it 1 241

By Anonymous - 13/04/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 615

You deserved it 40 915

By Username - 27/01/2011 03:54

Today, the guy who sits next to me in my psychology class openly admitted to torturing animals as a child. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 358

You deserved it 2 840

By Anonymous - 01/08/2013 22:29 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 961

You deserved it 9 280

Never forget

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 09:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up and went down to the park for a walk. I later realized I'd forgotten to bring the house keys with me, so I got stuck waiting until somebody opened the door for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 336

By ok then - 31/10/2016 15:55

Today, my sister called my Native American friend a bigot for saying he had no problem with the name "Cleveland Indians". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 714

You deserved it 677

By blaise - 13/04/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 168 271

You deserved it 13 327

By screwedupkid - 03/05/2012 17:45

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 476

You deserved it 4 920

By HaedLei - 26/11/2013 12:17 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 129

You deserved it 5 839

Pissed

By Anonymous - 14/12/2021 05:01

Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 1 250

By dak-rod423 - 15/10/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 593

You deserved it 11 677

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 13:39 - Australia

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 914

You deserved it 10 313

By Karmaisabitch - 18/05/2012 06:07 - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 249

You deserved it 53 156

By EMTGirl'sLife - 10/02/2015 03:15 - United States - Basking Ridge

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 503

You deserved it 2 813

By scotto - 23/02/2009 01:21 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 371

You deserved it 3 448

Chill out, Judy

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 08:01

Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 65

Deal or no Deal

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 1 948

New Year's Eve

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 20:01

Today, after explicitly telling everyone we know that we were having a date night to ourselves, my wife’s sister turned up at our house because she “heard you were all by yourselves without the kids so I thought I’d come over to keep you company.” Never a fucking moment to ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 165

The art of seduction

By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 19:58

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 195

Alcoholics of the world, get help

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 02:01

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 200

Ruined art

By annie - 17/11/2020 00:08 - United States - Denver

Today, while sitting on a bench drawing, some guy went up to me, yelled, “YOUR ART SUCKS” and flipped my sketchpad out of my hands. I’d been working on that piece for hours and now there’s a big black pencil streak on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 03:27 - United States

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 281

You deserved it 34 942

By izazbouletz - 07/07/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the nearby marina. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind a lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 717

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 03:59

Today, my future mother-in-law blamed me for the death of her husband because I should have taken him to the ER when she didn't feel like it. She then blamed me for her getting a new boyfriend less than two months later and making her son hate her when she insisted he call the guy "Dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 62

By ihatetheholidays - 23/12/2018 20:00

Today my boss informed us that there were no more single shifts we were all working doubles until further notice. Also there’s a way for us to “earn” a half day but we have to out sell everyone else in the office to get it. So being new I haven’t had time off in two weeks... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 416

You deserved it 176

The grind mindset

By How?! - 06/10/2021 02:00

Today, after enduring chemo, radiation treatments and several surgeries in order to beat cancer, being immunocompromised and catching Covid, I haven’t been able to work for years. Despite all that, I still get told I’m lazy and need to "just go get a job" when I try to get social security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 6 576

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 084

You deserved it 34 689

By fucking pissants - 13/07/2012 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 2 882

By LukeSkywalker - 23/12/2011 16:38 - United States

Today, after pouring my heart out to my girlfriend of 4 years through a speech that took me 3 weeks to write, and then proposing, she responded, "Eh, why not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 235

You deserved it 4 640

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Top comments

DeJahVu 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:21

I say key his car and shove a potato in his exhaust pipe. Thatll fix him up extra good.

caligal14 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:41

I think it depends on what kind of 'personal use' is meant here. I mean, if it was one paper or whatever, yeah that sucks. If it was like a novel, and someone else got yelled at for wasting the papers then I don't think you really have a right to complain here...

ugh_a_lug 7

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

lway2009 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 1:09

Loser says "first"?

drano 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 4:17

technically, he said onest

Zezing 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 5:35

RULES ARE RULES YOU RULE DUDE

xclegend613 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 18:57

i respect you. i have never gotten to be first. i must learn your wonderful ways of being first so that one day i can reach my life's full potential and piss everyone else off by saying they were first to comment... AS IF NOBODY HAS FUCKING EYES AND CAN'T SEE THAT YOU DUMB FUCK!!!

acoti 0

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Tuesday 15 December 2009 6:25

I agree with #132, he is a cocksucker. Don't talk to that bitch for a while. But never rat him out.

DeJahVu 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:21

I say key his car and shove a potato in his exhaust pipe. Thatll fix him up extra good.

RJB 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 0:13

" Will, I rubbed a potatoes over his car and put keys in her exhaust but it did nothing!?"

Norwegian_Wood 4

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Thursday 3 December 2009 3:12

To 23: "Hilary! You were suppo-...Nevermind." Gotta love Fresh Prince, xD

vapors 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:25

Depends on how he broke 'em, was it a singel/few page(s), or was it a huge bunt, we'll never know.

expen_dable 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:27

...really? I really didn't think anyone would actually side with the OP's friend, but one douche out there did. prepare to live a lonely life of 36 cats and yelling "you kids get off my lawn"

Reyo 2

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:37

Yes #3, because there has never been anything good to come out of breaking the rules...except for damn near every Revolution to have ever happened...but that's different.

sluggumsoriley 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 0:04

Damn! Theres so many fuckin friendless assholes out there. NO way anyone should side with this guys friend, or his boss...Unless the authors tryna fuckin start a publishing house using the office copier. Fuck this so-called friend Id never talk to that piece of shit again. Go beat this bitch's ass...i bet thatll make you feel better. Who the fuck here commenting would actively go snitch on their "very good friend"? if you say yes then clearly you dont deserve friends, and are a huge asshole. GO BEAT SOME ASS

youratittybaby 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 0:13

i agree

aidsgiver247 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 0:38

I asked your momma "what's for lunch" ...She opened up her legs and said crabs

The__Redneck 7

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:18

And using the company's stuff for your own use is exactly like the Revolutionary War, right? Down with The Man!!

alexandraa_fml 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 6:25

The OP has encountered Dwight Shrute.

Unleashed27 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:27

You know what they say, if we didn't have rules, we'd be in France!

neon_shoes 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:29

Just wondering...what did you use the photocopier for personal use? You must be coming in some pretty early hours if you know what I mean ;)

jonnymohio 2

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:29

He will always be your friend, but that doesn't mean you will always be his. Tell him that after you say good-bye to the boss's brown-noser.

AGGoddess 2

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 23:33

I think your friend was kind of a jerk, but if it's a rule that your boss is strict about you could have gone to an open library or an internet cafe after work and used the photcopier there.