Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML
Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML
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Top comments
Bathory_fml 0
Just start screaming "I HAVE NO SON! " at the top of your lungs. That'll shut her up. Probably out of confusion, but still.
dzidziaud 5
Hahaha, that must have been fun. was your visit to the police station pleasant? :]
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Comments (131)
summer66_fml 0
hahahahahaha sorry lol. did you get arrested??? well, on the bright side, at least you know your kid is smart :). thats pretty damn clever for a two yr old......
ledzepfan 0
lol, this reminds me of a story my dad always tells, he met my mother while she already had my sister (her dad cheated on my mom with an emotionless bitch and they are now married) but i digress; my mother and father were dating for a while and went to the mall with my sister, she was two (i wasnt born yet) and while my mom was trying on clothes or something, my sister started acting up, being a gentleman, my father offered to take her to the car while my mother finished her business. my dad had to drag my sister, kicking and screaming through the mall yelling out "i want my mommy!!!! you aren't my daddy!!! i want mommy!!!!." after going all the way across the mall like this and to the car, we all still wonder why no one had the courage to stop and question him... i like to think that people really should do that more often, i mean, the chances of actually stopping a kidnapping are slim, but at least if it were a kidnapping, the kidnapper probably isnt prepared for questioning. and i would like to think that any good parent would perfectly understand this questioning.
xoxoqueen 0
LMAO!! i love this fml. u got a smart daughter
Jacobis 0
haha whats funny to me is i used to do that haha, the store sent out one of those codes to lockdown the doors to prevent kidnapping
TheKitsune 0
Someone should teach your daughter not to be such a brat. She needs to learn the consequences of her actions. That could get him into some serious trouble, especially if (as kids often do) she realizes people thinks it's funny and escalates it.
Kofu 0
Oh wow. That kid is brilliant. I know that sort of thing has been done before, but, nonetheless, I am still in awe every time I see it happen. I never had the gall to do that to my parents. They would have beat me senseless the second no one was looking.
Oh_Gawd_Why 0
YDI for breeding. And then obviously not disciplining your child well enough.
fuckducks 0
never take her to toy stores again and if u got caught by the police, tell her Santa isn't real and u aren't having christmas anymore
DarkPrince_fml 0
just drop her and leave if she follows if she doesn't tell your wife she was abducted
strawberryspacejam 11
bullshit that happened. She would need to be 4 or 5. 2 year olds cant talk like that. Hell, they cant even talk.