Work: Today, the manager that made my life a living hell for 3 years,... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, the manager that made my life a living hell for 3 years, who was demoted 6 weeks ago and transferred to another store, was transferred back to us as a salesperson. Now we work side by side 42 hours a week on the same exact schedule. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

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By BUSTED. - United Kingdom - London

Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML

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By nottoosmall - United States

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

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By yeetyeet

Today, we had an emergency lock down drill. The closest room to me was the bathroom, so I rushed in and went into one of the stalls, like I was supposed to only to find out that a girl in the stall next to me was shitting. And it didn't seem like she was going to be done anytime soon. FML

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By rainedaddy - United States

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2021 06:00

Public freakout

Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML

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By Alexandra - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

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By someonepleasehelpme - United States - Centreville

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

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By stormblade27

Today, my friend told me to try dating apps, saying, “What's the worst that could happen?” I just finished paying some girl $100 to not send a dick pic to all my Facebook friends. FML

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By uneducated - United States

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML

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By Sarah - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I was getting funny looks all day. When I got home I realised that I was interrupted while doing my make-up this morning and completely forgot to fill in my second eye brow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2020 22:02 - United States - Tyler

Fancy a pint?

Today, while I was relaxing outside drinking a beer after a long day, a moth decided to fly right into my ear canal. I instinctively threw my hand up to swat it out. With the same hand holding the beer. I soaked the side of my face and down my ear. At least I got the bug out. FML

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By fatpooch - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bronx

Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML

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By fet - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

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By waterpistolriot - 23/10/2020 11:02 - Austria

Keeping up appearances

Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML

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By Barry Wom

Today, my boss is out of the office and sent me an e-mail asking me to multiply two numbers together and send her the result. Apparently she doesn't know that her smartphone has a calculator app. FML

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By Mils - Australia - Blackburn

Maternal monitoring

Today, I learned the hard way that my parents leave the baby monitor in my room when my boyfriend stays over. FML

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By oopsididitagain - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 17:01 - Australia

Traditions suck

Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

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By Odnel - United States - Arlington

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

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By jbthedude - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

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By tan disaster - United States

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

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By hes - United States

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

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By anidiotskeeper - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

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By TrappedInSchool - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

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By The Lone Ranger - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

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By firethorn - United States

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

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By artdegreemyass - United States - West Palm Beach

No thanks, Karen

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

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By dentallycorrect - United States

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

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By Anonymous

My alarm

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

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By shorty - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML

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By sissydlk - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

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By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, because I also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

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By a.white - United States - Cheltenham

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ames

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

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By xMiSS_CuTiEx - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

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Top comments

By starg53 | 1

#7703375 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 13:52

Was he a manager or an assistant to the regional manager?

By gosh_mate | 30

#7703331 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 12:04

Hey at least they were de-moted!! No more control over you, plus you can take notes on any inappropriate behaviour and take it to HQ.

COMMENTS

By PastryWiz1999 | 15

#7697869 - Sunday 23 September 2018 10:20

ok now that's Fucked Up! #Keepcalm

By PastryWiz1999 | 15

#7697871 - Sunday 23 September 2018 10:21

sorry I mistakenly thought I had pressed the add a comment button ! 😣

By gosh_mate | 30

#7703331 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 12:04

Hey at least they were de-moted!! No more control over you, plus you can take notes on any inappropriate behaviour and take it to HQ.

By Norja | 33

#7703344 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 12:33

Now they're no longer your boss, it's time to make plans...

By rattyrayvn | 21

#7703360 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 13:35

Damn! Hope you get promoted to manager soon...time for revenge!

By starg53 | 1

#7703375 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 13:52

Was he a manager or an assistant to the regional manager?

By Charlie Given | 23

#7703422 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 16:06

Well time for some childish office payback revenge 😈

By xxWTFxx1981 | 21

#7703427 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 16:47

you are looking at this the wrong way he was demoted you can make his life a living hell now... flip it...

By T1A2Z3 | 34

#7703471 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 18:27

Any chance you can transfer him back? Did they say no take backsies?

By guyverfanboy | 16

#7703502 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 20:07

Time to look for a new job maybe?