Miscellaneous: Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the...

By NOOOOOO - 16/08/2015 23:18 - United States

Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the airport while I was being checked by security. I'm now stuck 1000 miles from home with no shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 091

You deserved it 2 465

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Always check for tits

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 532

You deserved it 9 102

By Kaite - 03/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 550

You deserved it 261

Fragile

By Ouch - 18/01/2021 08:02

Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 92

By unlucky - 21/10/2010 13:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 126

You deserved it 5 227

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 2 542

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 06:00

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 876

You deserved it 486

By Anonymous - 07/05/2013 03:27 - United States - Utica

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 947

You deserved it 7 123

By IceCreamCraver - 16/08/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 572

You deserved it 8 396

By birthday_loser - 23/01/2013 19:33 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 278

You deserved it 3 742

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 735

You deserved it 3 633

By Gus - 30/11/2012 19:30 - Canada - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 240

You deserved it 4 939

#humblebrag

By Burst a Valve - 26/02/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, I learned there is such a thing as "too much sex". After a full week of having sex at least twice a day with my girlfriend, I had to go to the GP due to a painful erection and swelling. The constant sex had caused me to burst a blood vessel in my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 513

You deserved it 2 829

By ShitHappens2016 - 16/04/2017 18:00

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 805

You deserved it 314

By Taylor Easley - 17/03/2012 04:53 - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 110

You deserved it 3 140

By sally - 25/01/2014 17:42 - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 648

You deserved it 9 432

By scaredshitless - 03/03/2012 13:55 - Finland

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 138

You deserved it 10 696

By me - 20/12/2010 02:26 - Bulgaria

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 008

You deserved it 5 608

By max - 03/01/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I went jogging with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure my moobs bounced more than her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 049

You deserved it 30 347

By drchinky888 - 18/09/2016 17:10 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I was having dinner at my aunt's house who just migrated to Germany from India and doesn't know any German. I asked for the recipe of a dish and she said that she has been buying these cans with cute kitty picture and just adds spices to it. Catfood is delicious I must admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 251

You deserved it 977

I can't see for miles and miles and miles

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 05:00

Today, having my hands full with dog leashes, I hooked a lamp to my jacket to find my way in the dark. The first time I bent over, it fell, burst open and spilled its batteries, so I had to go back and get another flashlight, whose batteries promptly started to fade once I was trying to reassemble the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 131

Death Rattle part 2: Electric Boogaloo

By 0h_Boy - 04/03/2020 18:00

Today, at my job in a funeral home, I was transferring a body off a stretcher when it exhaled its last breath. Right into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 151

By HomeImprover - 02/11/2016 17:34

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 487

You deserved it 776

Why do people do this?

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 214

You deserved it 126

By dust - 27/01/2012 06:54 - Japan

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 936

You deserved it 3 316

By WTF - 12/09/2013 23:08 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 187

You deserved it 4 461

By AIienware - 30/06/2015 15:33

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 509

You deserved it 6 076

Mesmerized

By Embarrassing - 26/06/2021 13:59 - Canada

Today, I was hypnotized and talked into telling everyone truths about myself at a show my family and I went to. I don't know what I said. All I know is that my family laughs whenever I'm near them. They won't tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 170

By OneGirlsLife - 15/06/2017 06:00 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 842

You deserved it 358

By Sardine - 18/12/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 432

You deserved it 32 904

By distracted - 16/09/2012 07:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I went out for lunch with a guy I hadn't seen in a couple of months. He seemed to be staring at my chest quite a bit, but I wasn't too bothered by it. Turns out there was still an XL sticker on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 010

You deserved it 6 788

By joonsson - 22/03/2017 20:00

Today, I had to get an EKG device attached for a 24-hour test. Not too bad, but I have to wear a string vest over it, and every time I move, it chafes something crazy. My nipples in particular. Only 22 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 954

You deserved it 276

Picture game

By Anonymous - 01/12/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 2 105

By Anonymous - 24/10/2018 14:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. When she saw the ring, she got so excited that she ran to kiss me and it flew out of my hand, over the balcony of our suite, and fell roughly 45 stories straight down. I could feel my wallet screaming as a £4000 diamond vanished into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 483

By kbrider - 02/07/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 111

You deserved it 9 160

By BlueBallMcGee - 11/05/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 631

You deserved it 6 998

By lexiibabe - 25/06/2019 18:30 - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 135

By jessmess - 01/08/2012 16:44 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 129

You deserved it 4 768

By Anonymous - 12/06/2014 00:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate my pen drive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 608

You deserved it 4 876

By jerdub93 - 19/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 077

You deserved it 28 289

First time

By februarymarchapril - 04/02/2015 03:45 - United States - Austin

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 639

You deserved it 42 776

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Top comments

iwanttogotoparis 26

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:01

Irony, you were stopped or being a potential criminal, meanwhile some criminal stole from you

TarponSnook 12

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:04

I guess it's time to buy new shoes

iwanttogotoparis 26

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:01

Irony, you were stopped or being a potential criminal, meanwhile some criminal stole from you

little_one 20

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Monday 17 August 2015 17:23

Everyone has to take off their shoes in United States airport security... Usually your right by your stuff. Can't believe someone stole his shoes...

zAstonish 20

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:01

Maybe if I walked a mile in your shoes, I would know how you feel.

Malecent 13

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:02

Maybe you can call a friend, or coworker, depending on why you rode a plane 1k miles from home.

bapbap_fml 15

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Monday 17 August 2015 17:01

1000 miles is more like 1600 k.. And I'm assuming they flew so they didn't have to drive for 15 hours..

trex454 21

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:48

im assuming 3 ment the reason he flew like work or vacation. if he was visiting family he could call a relative. if it was work he could call a coworker

Swibeda 5

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:53

Using 'k' to represent thousands here. More commonly used for money though.

confusedAsFuck 34

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:02

He used 'k' for kilometers.. You do realize there is another measuring system other than imperial, called metric!?

trex454 21

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:04

3 used K to represent thousands. 34 thought he was representing kilometer

badassmf1234 22

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:30

If he was referring to kilometres it's Km not k

Malecent 13

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Tuesday 18 August 2015 0:34

Sorry, I thought k was used to represent kilo or a thousand

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 18 August 2015 3:40

Um, he said 1k miles, therefore in this instance k is referring to kilo or 1000 miles (i guess you could call that a kilomile)

TarponSnook 12

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:04

I guess it's time to buy new shoes

HappyItalian 38

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Monday 17 August 2015 16:31

I don't know if it's the same in OP's airport, but in mine there's so many stores that it could be considered a mall. Maybe OP's airport has some stores he can go to.

Clumsy4life 18

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:04

Well if they didn't steal your money you can buy new shoes...

tylercarolinex 21

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:06

Airport security ovbiously isn't that secure...

more4me 27

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Tuesday 18 August 2015 10:32

Exactly! Ironic, isnt it ?

Sansa_fml 38

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:12

luckely they sell shoes everywhere ;) but that still really sucks.

brandoneyez1 25

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:21

Get some flip flops at the airport, or go to nearest Walmart, or Payless. Can't be hard to get some quick kicks in a pinch.

Dear_Karma 27

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Monday 17 August 2015 12:27

Weren't you wearing shoes?

kbecks87 16

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Monday 17 August 2015 13:40

She was going through airport security. You have to take them off.

confusedAsFuck 34

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:04

Only in America you actually 'have' to take them off. It's fine on most other countries..

JustHere2Laugh 9

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:56

Apparently when some jagoff thought he could hide a bomb in his shoe decades ago he failed in an attempt to blow up the plane so then the US government made a law that you have to take your shoes off so they can go through the scanner. it's time consuming and rather pointless...