Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant,... - FML

By lactose intolerant - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant, so she swapped my dairy-free milk with regular milk. I’m writing this from the toilet and I’ve been here for at least 20 minutes, with cramps and diarrhoea. She’s also complaining about the foul smell coming from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2709

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Side effects

Not having a good time, really

By Qwe - United States - North Attleboro

Today, I dropped my wallet and it fell into the perfectly sized hole in the storm drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20535

You deserved it

1571

Tweet

Share

By Boredstoner420 - 14/3/2020 21:00

You give me fever

Today, I got way too bored and stoned, so I created a Tinder profile named "Covid" with a picture of the Coronavirus and a funny description. I'd never had so many matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1127

You deserved it

706

Tweet

Share

By Jimmy - Australia

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1345

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12169

You deserved it

130451

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Australia

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24911

You deserved it

4875

Tweet

Share

By sleepy - United States

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15895

You deserved it

29223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, some jackass decided that using the back of my car to slow down was easier than using his brakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19831

You deserved it

1333

Tweet

Share

By two-hours-to-pick-up - Australia

Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29976

You deserved it

10741

Tweet

Share

By Davey Crocker - 23/4/2020 08:00

Stay safe, wear a hazmat suit

Today, my coworker volunteered me to drop laptops off at two sites outside our normal areas. I asked if they were safe from COVID-19. "I don't know, but you're young. You'll be okay," responded the man who's been working from home for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

164

Tweet

Share

By OuttaNowhere81 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10556

You deserved it

73403

Tweet

Share

By Cashier - Canada

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42140

You deserved it

3778

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11390

You deserved it

41057

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36475

You deserved it

13093

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Pensacola

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26161

You deserved it

2399

Tweet

Share

By InsaneIdiots

Today, after recovering from surgery, I was leaving the clinic when a bucket of red paint was thrown at me, and a woman shouted that I was a murderer. I replied, "Sorry, would you like me to ask the doctor for my ovarian cyst back so I can pretend it was a fetus?" She hit me with her handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2880

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12716

You deserved it

851

Tweet

Share

By friendless - Canada

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32509

You deserved it

3784

Tweet

Share

By killer - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17752

You deserved it

59810

Tweet

Share

By Radbaby

Today, nearing the start of what I was hoping to be a relaxing week off, my air conditioning system died. A replacement system will be in the $7000 range, just the amount I'd finally saved for my dream vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3884

You deserved it

253

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - Pasadena

Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30327

You deserved it

2641

Tweet

Share

By failure - Canada

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24549

You deserved it

101793

Tweet

Share

By tye61 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23513

You deserved it

7793

Tweet

Share

By herpderp - United States

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43288

You deserved it

3586

Tweet

Share

By Courtney - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22265

You deserved it

6029

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Sevenum

Today, I opened up to my best friend about my depression. Her response: "If you're so depressed, why don't you just kill yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31060

You deserved it

2194

Tweet

Share

By alexa - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26959

You deserved it

2617

Tweet

Share

By amy - United States - Wellesley Hills

A cashier's life

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46702

You deserved it

3958

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I got lost in a car park, late at night, unable to find my car. I started panicking, so I called my dad. I sat down to catch my breath. After about 2 minutes, I heard a noise. I looked up to see a guy jerking off while watching me. He smiled, so I instinctively threw my backpack at his junk and he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2234

You deserved it

245

Tweet

Share

By Vxale - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30567

You deserved it

3037

Tweet

Share

By derbyboy - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I misheard a customer telling me a story. To be polite, I did a slight laugh and nodded my head. She actually told me her mum had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27083

You deserved it

22034

Tweet

Share

By thedeerman - United States

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44259

You deserved it

5270

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45832

You deserved it

2428

Tweet

Share

By Stigmamma

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1869

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29851

You deserved it

2454

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48879

You deserved it

3527

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45547

You deserved it

3613

Tweet

Share

By AllergicToRosesAndSingle

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with origami roses, as I am highly allergic to real ones. Her response? To scream at me and slam the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4918

You deserved it

413

Tweet

Share

By HWS - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35206

You deserved it

7760

Tweet

Share

By Maestro - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62324

You deserved it

4016

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31375

You deserved it

4334

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7760716 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 1:04

Trap her in the bathroom for at least an hour, and she if she tries that again.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7760715 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 1:03

I’m sure you’re sister is at least a little impressed by the extent you’ll go through to keep up the ruse.

COMMENTS

By Gofuckyourself | 24

#7760707 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 0:36

Now if you're both under 18, I can understand it all. If not... 🤦🏽‍♀️

By jenjen53 | 7

#7760711 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 0:43

Sorry, OP!! I don’t know where you’re located, but I’m also lactose intolerant and I take Lactaid (Costso brand). It does help a lot!

By RichardPencil | 29

#7760715 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 1:03

I’m sure you’re sister is at least a little impressed by the extent you’ll go through to keep up the ruse.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7760716 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 1:04

Trap her in the bathroom for at least an hour, and she if she tries that again.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7760717 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 1:19

Time to give her the shits then bitch at her for it

By WHSKitty4ever | 23

#7760728 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 2:58

Shouldn’t this also be your sister’s FML?

Reply

Arokthis | 21

#7760739 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 4:26

Sister's version:
"I swapped my brother's dairy free milk with regular. Now he's befouling the toilet and stinking up the house. FML!"

She's be hit with a tsunami of YDI's.

By Arokthis | 21

#7760740 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 4:27

Just tell her she's lucky you aren't using her bed as a toilet.

Hopefully your parents make HER clean up any mess you make.

By Gubbon | 8

#7760745 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 4:53

diarrHOEa ?

By GUYMAINE | 16

#7760839 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 9:27

Sounds like you need to hit her drinks with laxatives

By Sinshine | 27

#7760869 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 10:22

Now how little is that little sister? It's a giant difference if she's 8 or 18. In any case, FYL.