Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's...

By Anon

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

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Proactive

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Bad news

By nooo - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML

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By Rowaelin16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

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By really - United States

Today, my parents told me they don't think I'll ever find a boyfriend, and insist on referring to my future cats as their "grandkids". FML

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By lala7 - United States

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

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By rokkstarrrVRV - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

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By Wtfbruhimmovingout - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

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By AJShow80 - United States

Today , I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money saying its collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then uses his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and wins 500 dollars. The jackass wouldnt split it. FML

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By silentsuzie - United States

Today, I realized I can never live with my fiancée. A childhood of systematic teasing, abuse, and humiliation has made me terrified to use a bathroom around a guy if there's the slightest chance I can be heard, seen, or even have anyone know what I'm up to. Therapy has yet to fix anything. FML

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By littlekellilee - Canada

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

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By shotdown - United States

Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. FML

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By nomorecleaning - United States - Augusta

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

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By DarkDolly - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

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By master6

Today I was pulling in to my work parking lot gate, accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, ran through the gate arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 23:00

Wow thanks, I'm cured

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

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By CatLitterLover - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

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By jobless - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

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By YEEYEE517

The customer is always something

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

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By reese - 11/6/2020 05:03

The arrogance of youth

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

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By my bravado's gonna kill me one day

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Bridgewater

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

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By chlorobitch551 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

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Please do it

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By leastitwasntsurpriseanal - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my sister shoving her vibrating phone into her privates. Can't erase that image. FML

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By roomatewoes - United States - Northfield

Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML

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By mandy_2480 - China

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

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By stressed - United States - Statham

Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML

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By holyshitbatman - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

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By reader - 4/12/2020 14:03

Passing

Today, I went to go to an aerobics class. Shen the instructor walked in, she went up to me and told me it was a women only class. I am a woman. FML

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By Justme - United States - Missoula

Today, while I was riding the bus to work, I noticed the guy sitting across from me had shorts on. He also had no underwear on and I could fully see his "parts" just hanging there. I decided to switch seats but as I stood up to move, the bus jerked. I fell face forward right into his "parts". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of hardcore training, free of injuries, I pinched a nerve in my neck while putting on a swimsuit to lie in the sun doing nothing. FML

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By Fefe - United States

Today, tired of my social anxiety making me look uncool, I told everyone I was going out partying tonight. I'm actually just going to watch 'Jersey Shore' and pretend I'm with the cast. Something even more sad? I'm really excited. FML

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By Waffle

Today, a little boy called me on the phone, crying "grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say "wrong number." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

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By sirenmario

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I missed my history exam because they'd changed the day. Apparently they sent out an email to let everyone know. Too bad I'd banned myself from the internet in order to study for the exam. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7760724 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 2:12

A dicknose?

Might be one of my relatives!

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7760730 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 3:28

Maybe be careful with that Pinocchio drawing next time.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7760724 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 2:12

A dicknose?

Might be one of my relatives!

ari330 | 21

#7760727 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 2:57

Mine too

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7760730 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 3:28

Maybe be careful with that Pinocchio drawing next time.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7760731 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 3:30

Now that's what I call a dicky situation!

By tranced_ | 44

#7760759 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 5:36

that's art right there if you ask me.. and who knows man it could easily sell for millions if you're lucky.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7760772 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 6:49

To what is this "OC" that OP's referring???

Hamish123 | 3

#7760810 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 8:14

Onion Concubine. Pretty sure that's what they mean.

Sinshine | 27

#7760871 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 10:24

I'm wondering as well. The words that come to mind are overclock and Orange County... nothing that fits here xD

LadyRen | 20

#7760951 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 14:26

It’s “original character”, a character created by someone

By user53658 | 15

#7760807 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 8:02

The mother must be pretty obsessed with male private parts if she sees them in everything.

By Shaibear96 | 9

#7760875 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 10:28

To all of you asking: OC stands for original character. Usually an OC is created for a fanfiction but Ive also heard the term used in relation to Cosplay and Furries.

By raven_of_azarath | 32

#7761144 - Wednesday 30 January 2019 2:25

In your defense, noses can look extremely phallic (pretty sure there’s movie or tv jokes about it somewhere). Just look at Owen Wilson. His nose is phallic looking.