Today, it's been 3 weeks since we had dinner with my sister's new girlfriend, who made us a Chinese soup that was "good for digestion". I’ve had cast iron bowels for 32 years with no problems, but for the 3 weeks since that soup, I have to shit brown water 10 times a day and I’m in agony. I think she poisoned me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant, so she swapped my dairy-free milk with regular milk. I’m writing this from the toilet and I’ve been here for at least 20 minutes, with cramps and diarrhoea. She’s also complaining about the foul smell coming from the toilet. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, my husband and I shared a chinese prawn dinner. I now have the most violent shits I’ve ever experienced in my life. He is completely fine and keeps rubbing it in my face by being able to eat his meals without throwing them up. FML
Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I’m at my hometown for the weekend and bought my entire family takeaway for lunch without knowing my mom had cooked. Later, after finding out, I promised to eat it for dinner. Guess who is having food poisoning but can’t shit. The cramps are killing me. FML
Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
Maybe she did, even if accidentally. I have bowels held together with duct tape and good wishes, and the worst stomach flu-type incident I have ever had was over in 48 hours. If you’re still ******** brown water multiple times a day three weeks later, it’s time to get into urgent care ASAP.
cacheson 42
Uh… go to the doctor, like right now!
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Comments (5)
poopface82 25
Maybe she did, even if accidentally. I have bowels held together with duct tape and good wishes, and the worst stomach flu-type incident I have ever had was over in 48 hours. If you’re still ******** brown water multiple times a day three weeks later, it’s time to get into urgent care ASAP.
cacheson 42
Uh… go to the doctor, like right now!
Jon Tessler 14
right now, as in 2 1/2 weeks ago
SJKatt 15
Have your "iron bowels" been eating the same type of food for the last 32 years? Eating old meat out of your freezer isn't going to save you from what putting variety into your diet does to your body in the beginning.
CowgirlWithHeart 16
Yea you need to go to the dr. My mom had something like this and 30 mins after taking her prescribed med she's good.