By ptarr12345 - United States - Lancaster Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 27044 You deserved it 6695 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Violet - United States - Exeter Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML I agree, your life sucks 42032 You deserved it 5932 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Teylot - Canada Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML I agree, your life sucks 39864 You deserved it 13523 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pinks - United States Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 37906 You deserved it 6669 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By seriouslystupid - United States Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML I agree, your life sucks 15455 You deserved it 22989 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML I agree, your life sucks 29786 You deserved it 12455 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tara22 - United States Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 72926 You deserved it 6259 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By XxmegaronixX - United States - Fond Du Lac Today, my workplace often leaves out "expired" food from the café that our department coincides with, as it is wasteful to throw away perfectly fine cuisine. I soon discovered that the inside of a seemingly normal looking cupcake was actually filled with mold when I took a large mouthful of it. FML I agree, your life sucks 13167 You deserved it 2922 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Elora Today, I was cleaning my older brothers room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand, FML I agree, your life sucks 7360 You deserved it 1539 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML I agree, your life sucks 7605 You deserved it 3839 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/7/2020 23:02 Don't you know that you're toxic? Today, I found out my girlfriend talks to around 18 other men for fun. She says she loves me more, but I told her to prove it, so I took her phone and deleted the social media accounts that she made just for these men. Now I'm a "toxic controlling monster" because I don't let her chat with random men. FML I agree, your life sucks 1524 You deserved it 729 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By scooterbyrd Today, I saw a photo on Facebook of all my best friends from high school together at a 50th birthday party I wasn't invited to. I knew the birthday guy for longer than any of them and introduced everyone in high school. They wouldn't even know him without me. FML I agree, your life sucks 9859 You deserved it 1003 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her "just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and turned to me to yell "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML I agree, your life sucks 14219 You deserved it 62021 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rachel - United States Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML I agree, your life sucks 40677 You deserved it 3547 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I noticed how big my brother's package is. If it hadn't been for the fact that my family has taken up walking around naked half the day, I never would have had to. FML I agree, your life sucks 36097 You deserved it 4150 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Phill1188 Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the 3rd time." I had no idea. FML I agree, your life sucks 2922 You deserved it 186 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xo_lezz - United States Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML I agree, your life sucks 200358 You deserved it 16618 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By joleezad5 - United States - Nixa Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 23612 You deserved it 2376 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By phantomdriver - Canada Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML I agree, your life sucks 44758 You deserved it 3611 243 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Are you kidding me? - United States - Kansas City Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML I agree, your life sucks 42944 You deserved it 4554 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - France Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML I agree, your life sucks 32273 You deserved it 4828 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Princess - United States Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML I agree, your life sucks 47040 You deserved it 11224 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML I agree, your life sucks 35143 You deserved it 3043 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PissOffPottermore - United States - Oak Lawn Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML I agree, your life sucks 29079 You deserved it 4481 287 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tan disaster - United States Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML I agree, your life sucks 18467 You deserved it 39228 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By santabelly Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML I agree, your life sucks 9458 You deserved it 919 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThreeMoreYears - 3/3/2020 03:01 Jesus, take the wheel Today, during my religion class, my instructor decided to use the state of the class's cars as a metaphor for our relationship with God. When I told him my car had been totalled in an accident last week, he yelled at me for being an "agent of Satan." One class down, 59 to go. FML I agree, your life sucks 1420 You deserved it 177 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck - 22/1/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie Late reaction Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML I agree, your life sucks 2191 You deserved it 626 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Jose Today, I was driving home when a guy crashes into me from behind. I get out of my car and tell him that I'm going to call the cops. He then asks me if we can move to a corner because we're blocking the way, so then get back in to move. I look in the mirror to see him driving off. FML I agree, your life sucks 15764 You deserved it 4630 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml9124 - 8/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Omaha Tricky situation Today, my wife gave me the green light to have sex with other women. She beat the cancer, but sex for her is now painful and she wasn't really interested in sex the last 10 years anyway. So why does my life suck? Because I don't want sex with anyone else. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty. FML I agree, your life sucks 1735 You deserved it 153 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Saint Peters Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML I agree, your life sucks 27760 You deserved it 2615 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crapped on - United States Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML I agree, your life sucks 37917 You deserved it 4138 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Huedadaa - France - Cauffry Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML I agree, your life sucks 48112 You deserved it 5001 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By daddydaughterWTF - United States - Port Saint Lucie Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML I agree, your life sucks 27412 You deserved it 2601 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By feelgood - United States Today, I woke up on the last day of my vacation at the beach to find that my dog had chewed a hole in the wall of my rented house, 2 hours before the owner arrived to check for any damage. FML I agree, your life sucks 44461 You deserved it 6735 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Italy - Catanzaro Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML I agree, your life sucks 37704 You deserved it 7661 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mandosfriend - United States - Pomona Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 11088 You deserved it 669 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By horn-y - United States Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I'm not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn't notice me bend down to hide... until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML I agree, your life sucks 8418 You deserved it 59928 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 42122 You deserved it 2793 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By so_screwed - United States - Salinas Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML I agree, your life sucks 39414 You deserved it 13846 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML I agree, your life sucks 30204 You deserved it 6889 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shadowvoid | 33 #6290758 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:09 Just accept that he has a wonderful sense of humor. Send a private message 217 4 Reply
By Liamj774 | 36 #6290752 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:08 You should say never mind I'll get it. And the. Spray him Send a private message 154 5 Reply
By Liamj774 | 36 #6290752 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:08 You should say never mind I'll get it. And the. Spray him Send a private message 154 5 Reply
Reply wtffml1979 | 22 #6290899 - Friday 15 May 2015 1:41 Kids are honest and doing what their told. Send a private message 5 4 Reply
By Shadowvoid | 33 #6290758 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:09 Just accept that he has a wonderful sense of humor. Send a private message 217 4 Reply
By pleasedie | 22 #6290760 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:09 Well at least you're clean now..... Maybe ? Send a private message 6 15 Reply
Reply kibster9 | 20 #6290836 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:43 Like Deez Nutz Send a private message 8 22 Reply
Reply shemademedoit | 20 #6290952 - Friday 15 May 2015 3:13 looks like both of you are dirty. Send a private message 2 9 Reply
Reply thatguynamedsky | 32 #6291301 - Friday 15 May 2015 15:42 moo im a cow ? Send a private message 4 3 Reply
By Awesomeaxel | 24 #6290778 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:13 1 bonus point goes to your cousin. That is pretty funny though Send a private message 14 3 Reply
By davek | 36 #6290784 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:15 Apply cold water to burned area. Oh wait... Send a private message 35 2 Reply
By MegasaurusRex89 | 28 #6290789 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:16 He saw an opportunity and took it. You can't blame him for that! :D Send a private message 23 2 Reply
By irish_lad | 16 #6290798 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:20 That doesn't mean your ugly or anything. I would do that to my wife and she hot asf Send a private message 10 4 Reply
By Kitty_Kat44 | 31 #6290803 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:21 Well at least your clean now. Send a private message 3 9 Reply
Reply Kitty_Kat44 | 31 #6290812 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:29 Whoops. Didn't see that number 3 has already said this. Send a private message 4 10 Reply
By Kobeh | 13 #6290805 - Friday 15 May 2015 0:23 Well hopefully it was all in good fun, if not then you should try to show him what is and isn't appropriate to do Send a private message 1 6 Reply
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 346 You deserved it 65 2 Comments
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 760 You deserved it 164 7 Comments