Animals: Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put...

By cricketsins - 14/05/2015 05:11 - United States

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 497

You deserved it 2 583

Animals

Another great day to be alive

Get me out of here

Time to lay down the law

By generic_name123 - 09/03/2015 13:55 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 497

You deserved it 3 331

By RainyDay - 11/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 245

You deserved it 3 501

Cheers

By toastynippies - 24/02/2015 19:32 - United States

Today, my mom sent me a picture of a blank piece of paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 155

You deserved it 3 204

By Anonymous - 07/09/2013 23:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 612

You deserved it 4 021

Mommy's bravest little boy

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 months asked me to park in a parallel street from where he lives when dropping him off. Why? Because his mom might see me. He's 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 297

By OiVey - 01/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 253

You deserved it 1 531

By Shopgirl - 06/08/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 309

You deserved it 4 417

By Bliss - 09/02/2009 18:24 - United States

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 936

You deserved it 5 879

By Stigmamma - 13/05/2019 20:00

Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side. She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly." Not only is it fucked up, I later realised it's the EXACT same haircut as my mother-in-law's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 26/04/2014 11:36 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 299

You deserved it 3 937

By MomLovesMeLessThanTrash - 14/08/2011 04:36 - United States

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 081

You deserved it 2 696

Online classes can be tricky

By Daniella - 12/11/2020 11:03 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I accidentally unmuted my mic during a class, and normally it would've just been silence, but dumb old me just had to sing a song at the top of my lungs, and I only stopped when my phone blew up with notifications. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 1 052

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 885

You deserved it 14 092

By Banana_Lord - 03/03/2015 10:41 - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 738

You deserved it 3 148

By J. Homen - 30/03/2013 22:22 - United States

Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 758

You deserved it 5 769

By hh - 05/12/2014 21:13 - United States - Clear Lake

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. When I got there, I got sent on a scavenger hunt that ended with him proposing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 573

You deserved it 7 211

By Lucy - 06/03/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 925

You deserved it 2 581

By stupidlights - 07/05/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I left my lights on in my car. I realized it at lunch, made sure to turn the lights off and tried to start it. The battery was dead, and I called my dad to jump it before I got back from my game. I come back from my game and the lights were on. He left the lights on after the jump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 384

You deserved it 6 245

By Death By Parent - 19/07/2014 22:38 - United States

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 891

You deserved it 7 894

Hope there's no dancing involved

By InjuredTriviaNerd - 09/03/2021 09:00 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I'm supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I've spent two years in the audition process for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 11:48 - France - Belloy-en-france

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 828

You deserved it 4 894

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 297

You deserved it 7 458

By Anonymous - 17/11/2018 17:30

Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 181

You deserved it 153

By theflow - 15/08/2012 17:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 140

You deserved it 4 535

Spoiled for choice

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 05:01

Today, my bedroom in my gran's house gets the most sun in the evenings. There is no AC, not even a fan, and the only place cool enough to sleep is the basement. Which probably hasn’t been cleaned since the '80s, and I have to share it with the biggest spider ever and a beehive in the roller shutter casing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 21:36 - United States - New York

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 726

You deserved it 3 495

By ThanatosSG9 - 25/12/2016 02:57

Today, I took my car into the mechanic to have two tires and battery put in, all new. I later got a call saying they tried to start my car on the dead battery, which sparked and started a fire. It's gonna take two weeks to get the parts and it's minus 30 outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 880

You deserved it 520

By longing for emancipation - 30/04/2016 03:09 - United States - Mitchell

Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 677

You deserved it 1 307

By FabFor87 - 19/12/2016 16:15 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 641

You deserved it 512

By lovely-sweet - 27/11/2008 12:34 - France

Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 466

You deserved it 10 075

By dinapar - 14/07/2009 14:02 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 877

You deserved it 4 951

Pragmatic

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 14:05 - South Africa

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 594

You deserved it 4 822

By dragos_dgt - 02/09/2011 07:48 - Romania

Today, at work, my boss stared at me from behind while I made hand gestures and noises at a toaster. I was pretending to be Magneto. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 811

You deserved it 33 123

By ohdearyme - 09/01/2015 12:06 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 374

You deserved it 3 108

By TicketMePink - 20/05/2016 05:57 - United States

Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 398

You deserved it 21 087

By bymyself - 07/02/2011 02:05

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 594

You deserved it 3 812

By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 052

You deserved it 7 089

By ohboy - 06/03/2009 00:51 - United States

Today, I was supposed to see an apartment. 30 minutes after I was to meet the owner, she still hadn't shown. I called her. When I got no response, I was annoyed and kept calling. Finally, she answered, said, "I'm in the hospital with my father. He just died. Please stop calling me," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 985

You deserved it 21 416

By dancer4life - 09/01/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, in ballet class, I was really focusing and actually trying to work hard. I was really getting into the choreography. I was travelling big and leaping long. While going across the floor, again I travelled and leaped... right into the ballet bars and fell over, in front of 35 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 027

You deserved it 6 100

By Atletic - 30/11/2012 07:30 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 013

You deserved it 1 762

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Top comments

nanxi 30

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:10

If this was a prank, your sister is an evil, evil genius.

cutycat136 28

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:11

Prank? I'm sure if she is your sister she would know if you had a pet one or not

finalyearsofhate 22

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:08

Set your house on fire.

EvilTurtle 35

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:34

No! That's a terrible idea....set your neighborhood on fire, just to be safe.

kibster9 20

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:40

That's a worse idea! Set your whole town on fire!

psychopolarbear 28

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:40

Set the world on fire. Right now. Get all those eight legged little bastards at once.

Futacy 29

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:45

Or you could just come to your senses and realize that your sister's probably playing a joke on you.

randome101 12

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Friday 15 May 2015 13:21

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Niz_DD 14

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Friday 15 May 2015 21:37

Some spiders in this case

Liamj774 36

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:09

Just picking up the box, and carefully burn your house down. 100% effective

mexican_music 13

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:10

Now I have a great prank to pull on someone

nanxi 30

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:10

If this was a prank, your sister is an evil, evil genius.

zenrael 21

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:10

Ever hear the word liar before?

EvilTurtle 35

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Friday 15 May 2015 1:03

Refer to my profile picture for the answer to your question

cutycat136 28

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:11

Prank? I'm sure if she is your sister she would know if you had a pet one or not

Awesomeaxel 24

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:11

Ohh better find that thing or you may have an interesting surprise when you wake up..

MrConcise 34

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:14

"Wait, you mean my missing snake, right? Last I saw him, he was headed towards your room..."

Miss_Whipped 43

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Friday 15 May 2015 6:10

I always give your comments thumbs ups before I see who it is and then I'm like 'Oh shit, it's MrConcise.' Basically stop being awesome pls. Kthx.

MrConcise 34

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Friday 15 May 2015 15:20

#50 - Love you too, bae. Call me later.

irish_lad 16

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:17

Spiders are scary fucks. I recommend a good dose of oil and a match on your house

Kitty_Kat44 31

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Friday 15 May 2015 0:18

I don't think you'll be getting much sleep. I know I sure wouldn't be. And pretty brave of her to pick a spider up big enough to be a pet tarantula.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 396

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 61

Cheers

Mommy's bravest little boy

Online classes can be tricky

Hope there's no dancing involved

Spoiled for choice

Pragmatic

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