Kids: Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played...

By Cody - 19/07/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 795

You deserved it 8 047

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Same thing different taste

By Anon - 08/04/2016 22:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 244

You deserved it 1 966

Out of the mouth of babes...

By DEE - 26/07/2018 15:00

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 472

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By TheHam - 05/09/2019 18:00 - Sweden

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 627

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 491

You deserved it 4 171

By vanessax - 11/04/2012 05:04 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 23 136

By me - 28/06/2013 15:51 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 566

You deserved it 4 044

By Fatty1970 - 23/05/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 943

You deserved it 19 827

By embarassed - 20/03/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 017

You deserved it 10 499

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 525

You deserved it 11 122

By mattlikesfunions - 18/07/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 738

You deserved it 1 234

The_MMH 0

Monday 19 July 2010 19:05

Then loose some weight. Dó it for your kids.

CallMeHush 0

Monday 19 July 2010 19:05

awwwww, that is so cute. No more twinkees for you for a while tubby.

Comments

TakebeSogu 1

Monday 19 July 2010 22:04

I think that's a sign to start living a healthy life... if your kids are worried about your appearance... so should you

GothKitty19 0

Monday 19 July 2010 22:07

Good kids

madrabbit 3

Monday 19 July 2010 22:08

Ass woopins for everybody!

sk8trzero53 0

Monday 19 July 2010 22:21

haha kids rule

punkprincess88 0

Monday 19 July 2010 22:57

yeaaa that's stupid. I kinda doubt they did that.

hoghunter 1

Tuesday 20 July 2010 0:18

hahahaha. at least they are creative.

spoke1396 4

Tuesday 20 July 2010 1:08

gonna fly now

SAMHAlN 0

Tuesday 20 July 2010 3:12

ydi for being fat  oink oink

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Tuesday 20 July 2010 7:52

Hey, 15 lbs. ain't bad. GILLLBERRRT!

meneedlove 0

Tuesday 20 July 2010 11:21

Muhauha, your kids are really awesome, if I have some one day I want them like this. But they have to put the rocky theme when I'm in bed with mommy.

Keywords

Management Work Love Jealousy Relatable Relationship advice Mental health Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food Money Birthday Family Gifts Mother in law Public freakouts Education Parents Students Exams Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

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Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 200

You deserved it 7 093

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not two minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 136

The Top

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 491

You deserved it 36 491

Today, I have such an irrational fear of the noise my smoke detector makes when it goes off, that dying in my sleep from smoke inhalation or carbon monoxide poisoning sounds absolutely peachy by comparison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 826

You deserved it 6 265

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 166

You deserved it 3 523

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 929

You deserved it 3 966

Today, my sick semi-delusional boyfriend, whom I've been taking care of for days, accused me of trying to poison him so that I could play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 814

You deserved it 1 897

Today, I’ve had a blocked nose for weeks, so when I sneezed I partially dislodged a massive solid booger. It was so big and thick, I had to grab it and pull it the rest of the way out. I was on a first date at the time, and he left before I got back from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 197

Same thing different taste

Out of the mouth of babes...

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